what do you say about Santa? Surely there must be ONE other sceptic out there?

[BBLucy1891]

I have a problem with Santa and it seems I'm alone on this one. Where I live its unheard of not to tell children about Santa and have a whole emphasis on presents and commercialism over Christmas. Even among my peers if I say I don't like the idea of it I get shot down! Basically - I have a baby daughter now, and while I don't have to worry about it too much for the next year or two...I DREAD being forced to tell her that some man comes down her chimney, into her room and delivers presents. First of all, I don't really agree with outright lying to kids, but I'm far more uncomfortable with Santa (strange old "santas" in shopping centres with kids on their knee) than, say, fairies or whatnot. Secondly I take issue with the commercialism and consumerism of it. My partner, his family and all of our parent friends go fully in for the whole thing without a question, although my partner say's he will support whatever I decide to do about it. The thing is I'm really swimming against the cultural tide - one woman I know said that if a child in playgroup said to her child that there was no Santa she would go around to that childs house and complain (not so politely) to the parents, so, essentially, I'm being forced into this enormous lie. Don't get me wrong - I intent to celebrate Christmas, enjoy the company of family and friends and exchange gifts - I just don't want to lie to my daughter. Am I the only one?

Eolian yes we do tell the children the truth about everything.

The family rule is that if you ask, we will tell them the truth.

An age appropriate truth, but still truth. So they know about Santa and the Tooth Fairy and where babies come from.

Occasionally we won't answer their questions for example how much we earn or what the house cost but we also explain why not.

I was told it was a fairy story by my parents, didn't stop my fun at Xmas and still pretended to be asleep in my late thirties as a young adult when my dad came in with my stocking

I tried to do the same with dc, but they are now hopelessly confused, and now think that dp's mate who they once met dressed up as Santa gives them all their presents

DH wants to keep the magic/innocence for as long as possible; DD has been asking more questions over the last 2 years; she is 9. I had to be vague. She gets very excited when she gets the letter from Santa 😔 But I think she is very suspicious; I am concerned she will the last to find out at school.

Ok. I did the whole Father Christmas thing. My children enjoyed it. As they got older they clearly began to wonder if it was true. They now (aged 8 and 11) don't believe, but they enjoy playing along because it's fun, and they wouldn't dream of spoiling their younger cousins' fun by telling them he doesn't exist. If you told them that we had 'lied' to them, they'd be , because they, unlike some adults apparently, understand that it's ok, and indeed fun, to tell little children stories and that it's exciting and fun for them to believe magical things exist. I don't understand why people get so worked up about it. Some people bring up their children to believe in deities who judge them and decide on whether they will be damned or saved and actually expect them to carry on believing in these deities when they are adults! Father Christmas is a bit of fun. A story.

Some people bring up their children to believe in deities who judge them and decide on whether they will be damned or saved and actually expect them to carry on believing in these deities when they are adults

That's patronising, Eolian. And rude given that the poster who previously answered you made clear that church is an important part of Christmas to her family.

It also completely misses the point, since those parents do believe what they are telling their children. No one can claim to get all the answers right but that is fundamentally different from telling your children deliberate lies.

We are another family who tell DD age-appropriate truth about anything she asks. I really can't think of any situation other than tooth fairy and santa when I wouldn't tell DD the truth. When do you lie to your children?

I have said (once to date) that it is something she will understand when she is grown up, and I would also be comfortable telling her that I'm not going to answer (if it was a too personal question) but haven't had to yet. I do talk about pretend things (eg I go along with imaginary friends) but always with a smile, and we both know we are pretending. If it seems she isn't sure whether something is real (like a tv character) I tell her 'it's just pretend' without making a big deal of it and then we just carry on with whatever the game is.

I do struggle with some answers. God is a tricky one, because we are athiest and although I have no problem explaining that some people believe this and we don't, the concepts are so alien to her life experience that it's hard to find the words (how to explain a deity, praying, worshipping to a very concrete 3yo?). I do try my best though, and when I've waffled too much she tunes out

Electricity is also hard. How on earth do you explain that to a 3yo?!

DD has asked me about light switches before, and she asked me earlier today what lightening is and why it goes down. Despite understanding the physics of that one (which isn't always the case) I completely failed to give a coherent answer!

We told our children it was a lovely idea that some people believed in, but their presents came from family and friends who loved them.
I agree with the OP that the idea of an old man in a red dressing gown coming into children's bedrooms at night is decidedly creepy.
One of my friend' s children was terrified of Father Christmas coming in her room, but didn't dare tell her parents. She was so relieved to find out the truth.

Every year this thread comes up.

IRL I don't know anyone traumatised by their parents "lying" to them about Father Christmas.

I agree with you OP. I don't think kids need to believe in something that is so obviously not true to enjoy Christmas. Christmas for me, being an atheist, is about presents (not loads but enough to look forward to), food and enjoying being with family.

Why tell them something that is a lie so that they'll be disappointed later?

Could you go with santa not visiting every house?

My brother's children used to get Santa presents with the name of the person who sent it, so from Santa, from Grandma - they did Santa collecting presents from relatives (helped that relatives were miles away) and delivered them, with his magic golden key that unlocks all doors.