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Parenting

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Weepy/confused dd

4 replies

sykes · 10/06/2004 15:23

I've posted fairly extensively re my split with h last year. At the moment, after a year of living with his gf) he is now in a flat on his own as wants to try to reconcile and I think we need at least six months apart etc, counselling etc, may not work, no more upset for the girls, etc - or as little as possible. My elder dd, 4.5 is incredibly sensitive and emotional anyway but has seemed to be okay generally over the last month or so - since he left his gf. H has explained he'll be around more, we'll do more things together as a family but that he's not back at home - ie, has his own flat. My nanny was approached by dd's teacher at school who said that dd has been very emotional, clingy towards her and the assistant teacher, less eager to play with the other children - she's normally very gregarious. The teachers (who are FANTASTIC) realised there must have been a change at home. I'm going in to speak to the teacher on Monday but am rather flummoxed. I was SO worried elder dd would get confused (lots of daddy's things around the house again, more frequent visits, although he always saw an awful lot of them anyway. And all of us, me, h and my wonderful nanny can't believe that we didn't pick up on this. Am going to see a counsellor - specialises in family problems etc, but anyone any short-term advice - apart from lots of reassurance etc, etc. Sorry, very, very long.

OP posts:
sykes · 10/06/2004 20:13

Sorry, thought I'd bump this up - although today she had a good chat with me and says she's confused about daddy - so at least she's talking about it.

OP posts:
Levanna · 11/06/2004 00:25

Hi Sykes, I'm sorry but don't really know if there's anything I can offer. At a similar age there were problems within my family and I feel in hindsight it would have been of great benefit to have an 'uninvolved' adult to talk with about it. I found it difficult to be open enough to help, with either my mum or dad, as they were essentially the cause for my confusion IYKWIM. I had wondered if your daughter has an awareness of a possible reconciliation she may feel concerned that she might jeapordise this by saying the 'wrong thing' on top of the stress involved anyway. That's through my own childhood experience.
As a mum I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. Your nurturing, cuddles and love will make this easier for her than it otherwise would be of course, on top of reassurance from both of you. I really don't know what else to add!
So, 'bump' nonetheless.

Ghosty · 11/06/2004 02:37

Sykes ...
She is clearly worried isn't she poor little thing ... Do you think she might be worried that Daddy might come home and then leave again?
My DS is 4.5 and I am trying to think how he would cope with this sort of thing at his age. He doesn't cope well with change at the best of times so I don't believe a family break up and then reconciliation would go that smoothly for him ...
I don't have any personal experience to draw upon but I feel the best way is just to keep telling DD that you and her daddy love her and nothing will change that ...
I hope someone with more experience than me sees this and gives you some better advice ...
Hugs to you and your family {{{{{}}}}}

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sykes · 11/06/2004 11:47

Thank you - she has spoken to our nanny and her teacher and it does seem to be a worry about him moving house and not coming back - despite the fact that since h left he's seen them both four times a week every week - but it must be confusing. H is picking her up from school today and will spend one-on-one time with both of them over the weekend and try to have a chat - well with elder dd anyway. Thanks again.

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