Friend is in last stages of adoption process and has asked how becoming a parent will affect her life - how has it affected yours?

[Nixz]

A close friend of my Mums has asked this question.
I gave her this answernot usually a deep person but this was the first thing which came to mind)
"I actually knew what love was when DD was born, there is no love like it, its almost painful at times. I realised that the word 'love' is used far to freely"

Mum said:
"Say if you were cooking and you realised you needed an OXO cube and you didnt have one, it would turn a 5 minute trip to the shops into a 30 min one." (etc etc)

My mum is too practical!!!!!lol As in that situation, i'd get takeout! Then i realised that everyone would have a different opinion.
Whats yours?

Have no idea why that sad smiley is there!!!!

What a question! Some people will say positive things and some will say negative things. today I am a miserable c**t wishing I was free again to sing and do music loads instead of just on a saturday for 3 hours!
It changes everything and its such a test on all levels especially if you are selfish like me. It teaches you how to love.
Her life will never be the same again!! But really without baby my life would feel meaningless. I'm just having a shite day!

Thanks for your messgae

I have lots of negative, grumpy things also but like you said, my life would be meaningless now without DD - well said i think!

Seems odd that she's only just asking this question. I would have thought it was one she should have asked before she started the whole process. What happens if all our answers frighten the bejesus out of her? Will she suddenly decide that motherhood is not for her?

Her life will change on every level, from the day to day practicalities, to how she sees things, to how she feels, to how she reacts, to how she feels about her partner, her own parents, etc. But she won't understand that or possibly even believe it until it happens to her.

I think that the adoption agency has asked for this.
I think she is worried she will say the wrong thing tbh

I've no idea what the adoption agency wants to hear, but I guess something that shows she appreciates her life will be turned upside down but in a good way. Someone once said to me motherhood was the best thing and the hardest thing they'd ever done. And maybe some practical examples like your mothers' would show she does have a tiny clue what she's letting herself in for!

The practical situations are never ending are they!!!!
Im sitting here typing, I have dinner cooking, washing in, and am half participating in making something out of play doh with DD!
Women are GREAT arent they!!!

Having been through the adoption process twice, I think my answer would be 'it will affect just about everything'. My relationship with my partner will be put under more strain that it has ever been before, but the shared bond of our child will move it to a different level. My job will matter less to me personally but, if I'm the main breadwinner, more to my new family. I will clash with my mother about parenting styles, but understand her better and maybe even love her more, now I know what it is to be a mother. My friendships even some of my friends will change as I work out which friendships will support, survive or perhaps counterbalance parenthood. I will have far less money, little energy and fewer opportunities to pursue my hobbies, go dancing or just read a book and that will often frustrate me and sometimes sadden me, but if being a mother is what I think it's going to be, most times I will be reconciled to the loss. I will end up re-examining my own childhood as I watch my child live through hers and I will re-think what 'family' and 'extended family' means when you share so much love but no genes. I will worry about my child - how well she eats, whether she sleeps, if she is making friends, whether she's happy, safe to cross the road yet, is making the right career choice. Goddammit, I will probably worry about the effects of global warming, over-use of mobile phones and the steady decline of the quality of popular music on my child. I will cry more, laugh more, if I'm honest, shout more and see sleep as an infinitely desirable goal.

Issymum - what a perfect response!

i can't really remember what life was like before being a mother. Sometimes i think it must have been very empty, and DP feels the same.

She will read threads like this one, and instead of seeming mawkish, they will bring tears to her eyes. She will also catch her breath in horror, just occasionally, at the thought that she might not have become a parent.