I love my kids, I do but today I walked out and drove away.

[jimijack]

I had just had enough.
The bickering, arguing, non stop fighting. I'm sick to death of being hit, punched, kicked and hurt by my 3 year old. The screaming and shouting.
They won't do as I tell them.
They are 13 & 3.

I was just finished with it.

I'm ashamed.
They have no sn. 3 year old is moving through the various phases that toddlers go through, I understand this.
Sometimes it is overwhelming.
Dh has been studying for his degree, went into the garage to do some work so I was left with them. I had taken them out all morning to give him peace.

I got into the car and drove off.

I'm ashamed to say that last week I worked 70 hours to get away from it, I go to work for peace and a rest.
I feel I want to leave permanently. I need to tell dh this as I know he will make it all ok for me, but I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I feel this way towards my own children.

It's SO hard some days.

You did the right thing to walk away, knowing the kids were safe. I have done the same on occasion. Sometimes the monotony and tediousness of parenting is so tiresome and it can grind you down.

Speak to your DH and together work out how to move forward with discipline and consequences. Lean on him when it's getting tough. Do tag parenting if needed.

Oh, I know just how you feel, they can just wear you down so much. I was driving the other day & my 2yr old and 4 yr old were crying & bickering in the back, and I just felt something snap inside me, so I pulled over, got out and marched into a nearby field. Then realised that leaving 2 small children alone in a car wasn't the best of ideas, so had to sheepishly get back in, though by now they were screaming twice as loud as they thought they were being abandoned

Everyone has days like this so don't worry about it. Just think it won't last forever and one day you'll wish for them to be small again so focus on the positives even when it's hard to find some. I've found not taking it too seriously helps a hell of a lot. If their bickering let them bicker as long as they aren't being nasty or violent. When your 3yr old is testing you just don't react and have a think what their actually cross over, usually its the most ridiculous thing which ends up making me chuckle to myself.

The main thing is once you calm down so will they.

Don't beat yourself up. I once ran away from my kids - they were about 12 and 9 and dh was out of the country. They were driving me MAD with noise, bickering and fighting and the dog joining in, barking her head off - they just would NOT stop.
I got in the car and drove about 2 hours to an old friend I hadn't seen for ages, and stayed the night!

This was aeons ago, and a long grown up dd told me that she could remember being deliberately annoying to see how far she/they could push me before I exploded!

I thoroughly enjoyed my 'escape'. Don't even recall feeling guilty. However it was the one and only time I ever did anything of the sort.

It's the end of the summer holidays isn't it.
Thank goodness for schools and nurseries.

You say the 3 yr old has no special needs but are you sure of this? has his/her behaviour actually been investigated?

Ah - the Chip Butty & Clean Cuddly Todder Remedy...there's not too much it doesn't improve!

13 & 3 is a HARD HARD age gap. At 13 you want them to act like an adult with the 3 yo, and sometimes they do, but the rest of the time they act like the kid they still are. The toddler is relentless with them too & they have even less control over them than the parents. It's very, very difficult.

Your 3 year old sounds like he's a lot more 'challenging' than your average 3 year old, are you totally sure there's nothing that needs checking out? I thnk I'd try to get some assessments to be totally sure, because my next step is to come down HARD on him & get his behaviour sorted out. You can't carry on like this with him hitting & kicking you.

Will your DH's studying/exams be over (at least for a bit) after these two exams?

Does he appreciate how much of the slack you are taking up & how exhausted & stressed you are?

All three of your Boys need to be picking up after themselves!

🍷🍫🌸

You are not a bad parent! You simply recognised you were overwhelmed today and walked away from it, knowing the children were perfectly safe. That's a good thing!

Don't do yourself down. Nothing you said in your post indicated you are a bad parent. However, I would say your children would benefit from a stable and consistent routine with very clear boundaries which they may not be getting if you are working excessive hours and your DH is preoccupied with his studies. I think you both joining forces is the answer here so your DC are sent a very clear message that their behaviour will not be tolerated.

Awww what a FAB brunch you are!
Thanks for your sensible wise thoughts and words but mostly thank you for saying that you too feel like this too at times.

My 3 year old definitely does not have sn, he has only just started with the hitting in recent weeks, he knows it's wrong, we both teach him that.
Fuckerty fuck, parenting is tough!
The guilt is crushing! We waited 10 years to have that child, he was the miracle we had given up hope of ever having, the fact that I now want to run away picking and ungrateful.

My DS is being assessed for high a functioning autism. With this, he is very anxious, which expressed itself at age three in hitting, biting, spitting, wrecking things etc. That is what came to mind when I read your post. He knew it was wrong too, but when he is emotionally overwrought, he cannot help it.

The thing that helps is him having a small radius of movement beyond the home and being at home or places he feels secure. Full-time childcare was an impossibility; school he copes with but just; childcare on top of school was too much - he would behave there and then be like an uncoiled spring afterwards, and hit, punch, bite me and I would have to keep him away from DD.

I am a lone parent, so I cannot drive away. I have pared back everything, so he can cope and is more settled. These holidays were much calmer , but there were days when I simply put them in the car and drove. It did us all good to get out. I had to think where the hell I was going, but once you get out of the pressure cooker, thinking is easier.

Bear the special needs in mind.

He definitely has no special needs. I am sure the people around us would notice if he did.
He has no other issues, it is just a phase, my older ds did the same and I felt the same as I recall at a similar age.

The only thing with older ds2 is that I was told he may have some sn, which made ME highly anxious, turns out he did not. So for about 4 years I was a nervous, anxious, guilt ridden wreck, with an ok kid. I am not about to go down that road again.
When I say I was told, it was friends, some family and on here too. Everyone helpfully trying to get him a label, or find something wrong. He was just a kid who was fucking hard work, now I have two!

Yesterday I could not cope. For about an hour I could not stand another second. I left. I will probably do that again over coming months, just go for a drive somewhere. Thankfully I am able to do this, thankfully I know things will get better until the next phase which will be equally as challenging.
Today will be better, it's Sunday, I plan inn having a nice day with them.xx

That's great that your kids are okay, and that you have a way of dealing with the stress of difficult phases. I am sorry that my advice was out of place.

OP, don't fret. I've been there and done that. More than once. Never got a clean child or chip butty though.

We've got to the point that DH can look at me when he gets home and say 'do you need to get out for a bit?'. It happens really quite often. You're really not alone, tag team parenting is the only way we stay sane. We regularly split and take one at a time for days out or camping weekend away too, really helps to enjoy the company of each one of them without the bickering.

Ahh cocao, your experience and advice was gently and kindly put, not out of place, thank you for taking the time to talk to me, mad lady ranting and raving about nowt really.

I did this once with my two then teens. Constant bickering, back chat about doing chores, I was close to smacking both of them hard.

I just picked up my purse & said " I'm going out" & slammed the front door in a very satisfying teenagery way.
Stormed round the block & went & had a large G&T & a packet of posh crisps & read the newspaper in our lovely local.

Best thing I could have done, we all calmed down, I got back to all the chores done & supper started. :D

Ahh cocao, your experiences and advice was so gently and kindly put, not out of place. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, a crazy lady ranting about nowt really.