Losing my patience with my 3 year old - please help before I lose my mind

[weewilliewinkie]

As much as I adore my ds, he's really driving me insane at the moment...he never does anything I ask/tell him, he tells me 'no, mummy', all the time, he shouts, throws things, has tantrums - it all seems to be to see how far he can push me till I snap. It's not constant by any means, and he's a very loving little boy a lot of the time...and I know he's teasting his limits etc...but how do I cope?

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and exhausted. I don't live in the same country as family, so no help there, but he does go to nursery every morning so I get some time off. Last night we had a terrible fight while he was in the bath, which ended up with me screaming at him to shut up. . I'm so ashamed of myself...we were both in tears and he was just heartbroken (as was I) and I lay awake last night thinking, I made him that sad. What kind of mother does that make me? I just am not coping with his whining and moaning..I try telling him that if he asks for things nicely (as in 'please may I...?') he might get what he wants, which works sometimes. I just wish I could get him to listen to me, and accept my discipline without arguing back all the time...

Any advice? Every day I can feel myself getting more and more wound up and I don't know how to keep calm. It's making me so sad, I couldn't stop crying last night when dh came home. I just feel so guilty and like I'm failing him, and I'm worried sick about how I'll cope when the new baby comes along.

Sorry, bit long-winded.

Poor you - don't have any real advice for you, but know that you are not alone! My nearly 3.5 yo drives me to distraction some days. He can be so naughty and purposely does the opposite of what I tell him. Don't kmow if there is any 'cure' for it, but do give yourself a break - and if your Ds is anything like my DS1, when the baby comes along he will absolutely adore it.

I have been wondering if he is feeling unsettle by the thought of a new baby coming to the house, as obviously he's been my sole priority for his whole life...I'm giving him tons of attention and cuddles etc, I tell him how much I love him all the time...

It was just such a bad day yesterday. Feel that I need some sensible parenting lessons!

I am going through the same thing with my DD of the same age. I don't think it is the baby specifically a he is probably not really aware of which way things will change when baby is here but part of it may be a reaction to the fact that something is going on and if you are tired he will be picking up on that.
I think mostly though it is down to being 3 TBH, people always tell you about the tereible 2's but they keep the 3's a secret lol. Everyone I know who has a 3 year old seems to be going through the same thing just now.

as for shouting like that you are only human we have all done it and your son will have forgotten it long before you have I promise you that. He will not love you any less for it.

The only advice I can really give is that when things feel too mch is to walk away when you fell it is getting too much, go into another room and take a few deep breaths. I have also turned into a parrot I constantly repeat that if she does xyz she is more likely to get what she wnts but shouting and whining will get her no where apart from ignored.

I have been promised that this phase does pass it does not make any of us feel any better just now though I am hoping that in a few months I will look back and realise how quicly this time passes

Please please don't feel bad. I haven't been there yet so can't advise on his behaviour but from all my friends who've been in similar situations they all say being heavily pregnant with a LO to care for is SO much harder than having a newborn with a LO. Quite frankly, thinking back to when I was 36 wks it petrifies me to think of having to do it with a child in tow so you are doing so well and the fact that you are worried about what happened last night just serves to reinforce what a good mum you are. So please don't beat yourself up.

DS is 3.5 and drives me nuts sometimes too. In the situation you describe I think I would take him out of the bath (if you are able), put a towel round him and walk away telling him that when he has finishd moaning and shouting he can come and talk to me. He cannot cope with me walking away and it usually takes very little time for him to come to me.

However, I have screamed at him at times (together with younger dd) and while it does not make me feel great as a parent I doubt there is a parent out there who has not done the same - you are not failing him.

As to coping with new baby you will cope better than you think but try and find some time for just you and ds1 with no baby around.

Best of luck

thanks so much for your kind words...we're having a better day today, as it happens - thank god!

I think my whole problem lies with me refusing to give in to his demands every time - I don't want him to equate whining non-stop with him eventually getting his own way. Although after half and hour of hearing him wailing i do start to wonder why I don't just give in to him...I'm trying to teach him that I'm the boss, and what I say is what has to happen (in most instances) - I just want to teach him manners and respect for his elders...this is so hard as he seems to think he's the boss of me...