How can I build up my 11 year old's self-esteem and self-confidence?

[MarthaMary]

I have a bright, articulate, caring and loving 11 year old son. He has lots of friends and seems to be socially confident. Always has been. I never thought I would have concerns about lack of self-confidence or self-esteem.

However he is finding the move to secondary school difficult in some ways. There have already been visits to the school due to his 'lack of concentration' etc. School being very supportive. They know he is bright & able and what him to achieve what he is clearly capable of. Quite refreshing comparing to friends' experience.

He broke down tonight and admitted he is scared to put his hand up in class, thinks all the work is too hard and that he is constantly tired.

He is in bed by 8 and lights off at 8.30. He eats fairly well -no probs with fruit or veg!

We have a close relationship and I know this has helped him confide in me. But what can I do to enable him to feel more positive about himself? Please help.

Just wanted to say that you are not alone - I have one of those!

My son also started in September and has had a very rocky ride. Going from a tiny village primary to a 1000 plus, extremely competetive grammar has come as a massive shock. It's not just the work (you're expected to be outstanding in everything), it's the longer day, the travel, the making new friends - all in all it's an awful lot to cope with.

The tiredness seems to affect all these kids - 2 hours homework a night doesn't leave much time for relaxation, does it?

Is your son making new friends? For the first term, my ds found it tough as everyone else in his class went to 2 other primaries and he knew no one. After having several boys home for tea, he does now seem to be making quite good friendships, but it does take a while.

So far as your son's confidence in class is concerned, is he worried that he'll be laughed at if he gets the question wrong?

It sounds like you're doing all the right things as far as early nights etc are concerned, but is he getting good quality sleep, or are things going over in his mind, keeping him awake? My ds is a good sleeper, but I thought maybe if yours isn't, he should do more exercise?

The other thing is maybe to see if you can help him organise his time better re. homework, sitting with him to keep him on task - my ds will take longer than necessary if I'm not there, he just seems to go off in a daydream.

I must admit also spoiling him in terms of packing his bag for him, writing things on his hand that he needs to remember (hope I won't still be doing this stuff when he's 35!)

I know the schools think we should just throw them in the deep end, but I feel that at least for this first year, the more support we give them the better - they seem to have a million and one things to remember every day.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the support. He has made new friends but probably too quickly and I think they are not have the best of influences on him. He has worked this out for himself and now seems more settled. Hopefully we may have turned a corner.