Husband feeding baby after drinking

[Chattycat78]

I just want views on whether I'm being unreasonable here or not....

We have an 8 week old. I go to bed early, dh does dream feed with bottle around 10.30 and then comes to bed bringing baby with him.

Tonight I woke around 2am. No baby or dh in the bedroom. Went downstairs. Baby in Moses basket, dh asleep on couch. Fine- however it's clear that dh fairly drunk. I tried to rouse him but no coherent response. Looks like he's drank at least a bottle of wine and poss a few beers too.

I just feel uncomfortable with the whole thing- I don't know at what stage in this he fed the baby. I also arrived just in time to see his iPad fall onto the floor from the couch- just missing the Moses basket. Dh didn't even wake.

We've had words before about what he drinks at weekends and he's usually dismissive and says "it's fine". I'm fully expecting this response if I bring it up after this. However, I'm worried and I feel that I shouldn't be- I should be able to trust him with the dream feed without fearing he ll drink too much and potentially put baby at risk- surely?

I should also add that this is my only major complaint. He's a great hands on dad and works really hard, and I don't want to ruin his fun, or make This into an issue if I'm overreacting. Am I overreacting?

Sounds like you're over-reacting to me. Baby is in Moses basket and partner is asleep.

As long as there's no vomit or crying babies it's really not a big deal

Not sure why the iPad is relevant ??

No I think I would be a bit anxious about this. You have to be rousable to look after a baby surely? (Although sometimes oblivion is tempting!) What if the baby vomited and choked? Alcohol fumes and sleeping babies don't mix. I think having a couple of drinks acceptable, getting smashed- not.

I'd be very uncomfortable about this. Too drunk to be coherent could mean too drunk to safely carry the baby upstairs. I have no problem with a few drinks but would not knowingly leave an 8 week old in the care of someone who has passed out drunk.

Not overreacting! I'd be furious. What if he'd passed out on the sofa whilst holding the baby? Alcohol & falling asleep with a baby on the sofa are two sids risk factors. What if he's stumbling about drunk & drops the baby? Once passed out would he even hear if the baby started crying? Also, a whole bottle of wine plus beer??! That's a seriously excessive amount of alcohol. No one should be looking after a baby whilst that drunk. If that was my dh I just wouldn't trust him with the baby.

Not overreacting. Fair enough have a drink and I may have been over cautious but after DP had a few I used to make him sleep in a different room. Drunk sleep is a different level of sleep that makes it dangerous to co sleep - I certainly wouldn't have left him in charge.

Alcohol fumes?!

If baby wasn't harmed there's no big deal. I find it strange when people always jump to worst case scenarios and 'what if's'.

Your DH had one (2/3/4) too many, and if as you say he's competent the rest of the time, no harm done

This is not ok at all. If he wants to get passing out drunk that is fine but he should let you know and hand over care of the baby. He is in no fit state to respond to a tiny baby appropriately right now. Anything could happen (falling down stairs, dropping baby, not responding to cries, falling asleep with the baby in the sofa and squashing then). I am not a big fretter and would have no problem if it was one or two drinks but I'd be very upset in your shoes. It's such an easily avoidable risk to take.

I would not be happy about that at all. An 8 week old is vulnerable and needs to be with a sober parent.

Thanks all. Will speak about it.

How often is he drinking/drinking to this extent?

Of course OP isn't overreacting! How disgusting! Her DH is FULLY AWARE that she is asleep in another room and therefore NOT RESPONSIBLE for the baby....HE IS!

He's drunk. He would not be aware if the baby choked or anything else!

He should not drink with that baby in the room when it is so young and he is looking after it alone.

Not very often. But that doesn't mean it's ok.

Completely irresponsible. The DH was in charge of the baby, he had to feed him, settle him, go to him if he cried and be aware enough to notice any problems, but was so drunk the OP could not wake him?! This is terrible and should never happen again.

If baby wasn't harmed there's no big deal. I find it strange when people always jump to worst case scenarios and 'what if's

Yeah, the weirdos, looking at how to minimise completely avoidable risks to their newborns.

He's not just asleep though notamama (username explains why your view is different from everyone else's.) He is drunk! He should not be feeding a tiny baby or carrying it around having had a bottle of wine and cans. No do not trust him op.

Thanks all. Have now had a chat about this and explained how I'm not happy. He has agreed with my thinking so I feel better now.