Playdates.Please share your experiences with me.

[mrsnec]

Hate the term but understand why people use it.

I'm trying and failing miserably to socialise my 20 month old dd at the moment. Can you answer the following questions to help me undetstand what's going on.

How long did you know people before dd got invited anywhere?

How old are your dc and how far would you travel for a playdate?

Would the area or the house of the playdate have any influence?

The playgroups should be fun. If they are unpleasant for you, decide how much your dd is getting out of them. If it isn't much, drop it.

I wouldn't really worry too much about what your dh wants out of them. He too can make family friends at work if he wants to. Many people don't want such friends and keep themselves to themselves as a family, maybe plus neighbours. We have them now, but youngest is 8 and the whole family bbq isn't a weekly or even monthly thing. Most of these things are around the kids' sports and in the park even now.

Yes it is unpleasant but I'd been told on my other threads and by friends and family that I'm not giving it long enough.

Trouble is I just don't gel with these people. I get the bad joke tumbleweed feeling every time I open my mouth and its given me terrible social anxiety. I have met other new people since though and have been fine so I know it's specific to this group and I am not being invited to things.

There was a 4th birthday party over the weekend as onr example, people from the group went who had little ones same age as mine.

Just don't go then unless your dd has an absolute ball there and you are prepared to take the hit for her. Life is too short, and one of the perks of being a SAHM is not having to spend time with people you loathe.

Well when they meet in the cafe she goes for one particular ride on toy and wont let anyone else near it. She also hides from one of the boys who is a mini thug.

However, last time they went to soft play she was sat at a little table playing with crayons and wooden puzzles with a couple of the girls so I was thinking we could do this at home rather than pay soft play especialy since they weren't actualy in the soft play bit. She was having a lovely time. I asked the mums of those girls over and they declined.

That might be nothing to do with the 50 km ride though. I never took toddlers to non- family houses, I'd never relax. I'd watch them like a hawk as they tried to trash the house guns 'n roses style behaved like toddlers.

Thing is they go round each others houses and told me I live to far so that's why I was asking. I think I would do the distance for that age if I thought dd was going to enjoy herself just maybe not very often

20 months is way too early to be thinking of playdates. I don't care how big your house is, I'm not leaving my baby (and 20 months is a baby) with you for a playdate.

I agree with the 'about 4 years old' and 'when they make friends naturally; from pre-school and the like) being about right for playdates.

If you are far flung then you'll have to make the extra effort to socialise (as I had to do) as people tend to not want the hassle of travel with babies. I found toddler groups and meeting friends in parks at this age invaluable. I never once considered a playdate or boasting about my living situation to lure other families around for one.

I don't think OP was boasting, but her dh mistakenly believed a house with a garden to play in might lure people out to the village. Ease of access, 10 minutes from home was really important to me at that stage. Friends for baby/ toddler really weren't.

Yes agree on both counts. I wasn't suggesting OP was boasting but I couldn't think of a shorthand way of saying 'using garden space etc to lure playmates'.

They aren't really playing with each other at that age and toddler groups/meeting friends was more for my own sanity (for which I happily travelled as far as I had to).

Pax, that is spot on. But also he condiders it a talking point whereas I don't. I struggle to find common ground with these people.

Stop going then, imagine your attempts to befriend these people work! Years of "Bloody hell, it's the bbq with Mr and Mrs Bore! And Minibore is such a horror, poor dd!".