please describe to me, in boring detail, how you practically manage a newborn DC2 with a toddler DC1 with no other help

[lifeofthemundane]

I am due DC2 any moment. DD1 is 22mo.

I will go to hospital, have DC2 by ELCS, stay in as long as I need while GPs look after DC1. DH may get time off for the birth, but otherwise no paternity leave.

I'll come home from the hospital with DC2, GPs will be tired after however many days of looking DC1 (they've made this clear.) They'll go home after sticking a few meals in the fridge.

whenever i leave DD for a period of days with someone else, she is always very clingy when she sees me again, and cries and cries in the night until I go and sleep with her/she comes to sleep with me. If she wakes in the night during these times and I am even on the toilet or getting a drink of water she kicks up a huge fuss.

I cannot imagine how this is going to happen with a newborn and a clingy 22mo. Do I share a bed with DD and then get up in night when newborn cries (waking DD up too) who will then cling to me as newborn breast feeds?

I will physically not be able to lift DD (she is 15kg) after ELCS. DH will lift her when he is around. We have a childminder for DD on certain weekdays, but that doesnt rule out all the other lifting I'll have to do while alone with DD and newborn DC2. Do you just have to do it? And disregard the ELCS rules?

If newborn is feeding every two hours and dd's dinner/bath/bedtime routine takes longer than that, do i break the routine to feed DC2? Or do I feed DC2 just before, put them down, do DD's bedtime/bath then get back to DC2 asap?

Any scenarios, tips, shortcuts, hacks most welcome...

Honestly, the best advice I could give is: you don't have to do things quickly, slow is just fine (slow baths, stories etc).
Sounds silly, but all you need to do when things go a little awry is address the immediate issue (hunger, crying or whatever), sometimes in the early days I didn't quite get that
Sometimes they will both cry, and it'll be OK.
If you do nothing but keep their bottoms & noses clean & their tummies fed you are winning. The rest can follow.

Things that worked for us: Slings are ace, new (small) toy stash for older child is great, and cbeebies is a godsend. I had no idea of how it'd work, but you'll find a routine that fits you. We had a bedside cot which helped immensely, and many a night has been spent with one on each side of me.

This is me talking as a previous children's nanny rather than me as a mum

Please please please ask ALL visitors to go to talk to the older child when they arrive rather than the baby

The baby will not care at all that Aunt Gladys has come round to visit but your older child WILL care

Please don't do what happened to the children of the family that I worked for -- Aunt Gladys and Uncle Frank came to visit and older child runs to the door to meet them and they both rush past older child to go to see new baby

Cue older child very confused and upset as they don't understand why all of a sudden visitors don't want to give them hug or talk to them when they come to visit

Also, when your child 1st sees you after having baby please leave baby in crib or car seat so your excited child can hug you

Good luck

A Sling and double buggy
D C 2 will forget baby in the sling and you can chat and walk together
Also try to get both to sleep at same time in the day and rest yourself
I used to spend ages walking to get both to sleep but the break really helped
I also did playgroups to give Dc 1 a chance to play and if I needed to Rush to him another mother Wd sometimes hold d c 2
Often the baby will be askeep especially if you are moving
A routine helped as did getting out - often playgroup or Park am with lunch out of a lunchbox for dc1 , sleep on way home / then left in buggy to sleep for hour while I rested , then a quiet time with books tv or play on floor followed by a play in the garden or in the sink then teatime .
Just allow a lot of time to do things and slow down to toddler speed and world dc1 and 2 and I Wd just go and look at trees or collect stones then come home for eg -and don't expect too much of yourself - small things small triumphs .
Also let others help - I remember helping me at playgroup by engaging dc 1 at playgroup whilst I was feeding dc2.

23 month age gap and husband was working awful shifts... Tbh I don't remember much about the first few weeks! Sling, CBeebies, microwave meals featured heavily I think! My DS1 is a pretty good sleeper but the rule was if he woke up my DH dealt with him, even if he had to get up early for work. Try to get out to groups etc so big one gets to play with friends and other mums will cuddle baby so you can drink coffee and eat biscuits. I reduced baths down to 2 a week. Baby definitely had to wait to get fed a few times and there were times when they both screamed at the same time and I didn't know who to see to first, which were rubbish. But we survived! Think I went to bed at 8pm for the first 3 months!

Oh yes
Forgot ! I went to bed at same time as baby for first few week s to get sleep in as she woke at about 12 , 3 and 6

If finances allow I would enrol the older one in a nursery for 3 days a week - they LOVE nursery at that age as its full of fun and exploration. It's possible to do short days from 9 - 2.30 or similar. It's a win/win: your older child gets exciting days out and you get time from them to be with the baby.

It took us about 6 weeks to really get into our stride. Mornings and evenings have been trickiest (DH works long hours). DD (toddler) almost always wakes before DS (baby) so I'd get him into the sling still sleeping then downstairs to get her and my breakfast made before he woke and needed feeding and changing.

I recommend keeping some fruit in the bedroom in case the baby wakes first and you're feeding when toddler needs breakfast!

To shower I'd wait until baby woke then put him in a bouncer in the bathroom and bring toddler in shower with me. Obviously some days I didn't shower but it didn't kill me!

Evenings - I had filled the freezer with loads of meals while pregnant so we could just defrost and heat.

The best tip anyone gave me was be flexible - the basics of the bedtime routine have stayed the same but the finer details have changed a lot over the past few months.

As an example since you wanted practicalities! While bath is running DD plays and DS in bouncer/feeding. If DS in bouncer I get everything ready - PJs for both, toothbrush and toothpaste for DD, lights down in her room etc. Bathe DD. DS now goes in too for some of the time but initially he fed or slept in sling. Out and into DD's room. In between feeding and settling DS get DD into jammies and teeth brushed. Ideally DS settled enough for me to read DD's story and cuddle her to sleep. There were a few weeks of fussy evenings when I had to read the story standing up rocking DS in the sling. There were also nights when they were both crying during bedtime and I felt tremendously guilty.

My toddler doesn't nap and we don't have a TV but despite no CBeebies or downtime really it's been fine and genuinely lovely at times.

I found the guilt much much harder than any practical concerns.

Oh and re sleep - I second the PP who suggested cosleeping. Although DD tends to go to bed in her own room she usually still wakes in the night and DH or I would bring her straight through to ours. Especially since you won't be able to lift DC1 the nighttime snuggles will help with rebonding and with DC1&2 bonding.

Also agree with PP who said that your DD will start to see Daddy as comfort as much as Mummy. That makes the practical side easier but can be tough emotionally (there's my theme again...)