This is not the baby I brought home..

[TooGood2BeFalse]

Hi all,

I really need some advice. DS is a month old, and for the past week has become so clingy he seems to scared to even sleep. He is ebf except for odd bottle when I need to do something like bath my 4 year old.

He is beginning to refuse sleep to the point where he can be awake for 4-5 hours and is so unhappy. He doesn't appear to be in pain, although his DR recommended Infacol just in case. He will literally take an hour to fall asleep in your arms then his eyes will spring open the minute I put him down (have tried moses basket, cot, swing, bounces chair, car seat, buggy - he just wants to be held.)

Just now after 3 hours of trying everything from swaddling to white noise to leaving him in peace in case of over stimulation - I walked away and let him cry for 5mins.
WHEN I returned I patted him, soothed him and he went straight to sleep.

I know! I know this is considered evil, bad for attachment etc but I have literally tried everything I can think of, he even hates the sling! My husband and 4yr old are frustrated that I'm always in the bedroom trying to get baby to sleep and everyone is assuring me it's either because a)he doesn't like my milk or b) I have spoilt him by holding him too much.

I am pretty stressed and feel under constant pressure but nothing I'm trying is working. I guess what I'm asking is will he be OK after he cried for that 5mins? And does anyone have any advice?

Thank you very much

He might be a tension decreaser? askmoxie.org/blog/2011/01/tension-decreasers.html

(the other type of baby is a tension increaser askmoxie.org/blog/2011/01/tension-increasers.html)

DD2 was like this - only I couldn't persuade her to take a bottle. DD1 was only 16 months and not walking so I really couldn't explain to her that she had to wait.

Sometimes DD1 had to roar (and by God did she roar) for a few minutes in order that I could change DD1, or make her food, or whatever. And naps quite quickly were facilitated by walks around the block and trying to get them to sleep at the same time.

Neither of mine liked slings, and the first 6 months of DD2 were hard, but you do get through it and your DH and DS will just have to deal with it. For the moment, give the wee one a cuddle and stick a DVD on for the older fella. In a week's time it will all have changed again.

Good luck.

OMG. I have two tension decreasers!

Thank you for the link Hufflepuffin, that is really interesting!

Isn't reflux when the valve at the top of the stomach doesn't close properly, so the milk/ food mixes with stomach acid and rushes back up burning the oesophagus or the throat? So, being upright (gravity) helps to control it.

I believe it can come on in a baby/ child / adult who hasn't previously suffered.

will he be OK after he cried for that 5mins?

Bless you, but this did make me . Yes, he will be ok after crying for 5 minutes!!

When DD was tiny, she used to get very fussy in the late afternoons/early evenings. Couldn't settle her, couldn't soothe her, she'd be on and off the breast but didn't seem satisfied, tired but would sleep, grizzling. Three things helped (not all at once - only one of them at a time!):

1. Leaving her alone and letting her cry for 5-10 minutes, then coming back in and lying down with her to breastfeed. She'd then feed properly and fall asleep. This happened naturally when I had to leave her to cry to save my own sanity and stop me losing the plot.

2. Swaddling. I don't know whether it's currently in favour or not, but swaddling her firmly so that she couldn't flail about getting herself upset, or startle herself awake as she was dropping off, worked a treat. I unswaddled her once she was properly asleep.

3. The health visitor gave me this tip, and I've passed it on to many other mothers! Express a bottle of milk in the morning, and stick it in the fridge. The HV said that by the end of the day, when you're knackered and depleted, your breast milk hasn't got the same nutritional profile as when you're (relatively) rested and nourished. So the baby isn't as satisfied by your milk at that point, especially if they're fussing and having lots of little feeds. So save the bottle of morning milk and give it to them later. It worked amazingly well with DD and it's worked well for others I've told about it too.

With respect purple, your point about evening milk not satisfying is total bollox!

Evening milk flows slower so it does feel like you've got less so babies can fuss a bit when they're hungry and it's not flowing fast enough for their liking! But the human body is so sophisticated that breastmilk profile changes over the course of the day and evening milk contains higher levels of sleep inducing hormones than morning milk. So if you feed morning milk in the evening not only are you telling your body to produce less milk in the evening, you're not getting the full benefit of your baby having the more sleepy evening milk.

We came home from hospital with a sweet-natured calm baby who slept relatively well, barely cried, and at 6 weeks we got a magical 3 consecutive nights of 6 hours sleep...
And then something happened! She started sleeping terribly, cluster-fed for 2 days from 6am-6pm (she is EBF) and for 2 weeks was like a different child. The thing that absolutely saved my sanity was reading the Wonder Weeks (which was highly recommended on MN) which explains the developmental "leaps" and when they might happen - DD was smack in the middle of one, and reading about what developmental changes were causing her change in behaviour made me feel SO much better even if it was complete made-up bollocks. There is an app too but then you end up having to pay for each chapter as you reach that age so I would probably recommend the book instead. Good luck!

Thank you all so much for responses and advice! I feel a lot better now. I know this stage will pass (and lead to many more stages!) I just naively assumed as he is my second it would be easier My first son was actually a lot more high needs, with severe colic and reflux and even hated being held, it was a very dark time.

Thank you again all

Thanks also Hufflepuffin! That article described DS perfectly, great read.

He's just a month old, sounds like you have a pretty standard baby!! Your OH is being pretty unreasonable, things have to give for a while until the baby gets into a routine.

With respect purple, your point about evening milk not satisfying is total bollox!

I'm repeating what the HV told me. It worked like a bloody miracle for me, repeatedly - I wouldn't have carried on expressing otherwise, as It was like getting blood out of a stone.

Take it or leave it: doesn't bother me.

My daughter used to settle better with my husband when she was fretful in the evening. I think it was because she couldn't smell milk on him, so wasn't distracted about trying to work out if she was hungry or not. And my husband was happy because there was something he was good at. Win-win situation.