Urgent advice needed please - at end of tether with 3 yr old

[becaroo]

My ds who is 3.5 is not eating. When I say not eating I mean no fruit, no veg, no cereal & no meat. He does not eat rubbish either (never eaten chocolate or sweets or juice as he doesnt like them) I am getting really worried about him. He was very poorly 1st week in dec with congestive tonsilitis and then got a really nasty cough and has just finished some more antibiotics for a chest infection. I think he may be getting ill so often because his diet is so poor. I am sitting here crying as a I type this becasue I am such a useless mother. All kids need is love and food and he is only getting one of those things from me at the moment. When I weaned him it went great, I made all his food myself and he ate loads, meat, chicken, fish, fruit, cereals, etc and now its all gone wrong. Foe example today he has had 2 cups of warm milk when he got up (at 6am) a piece or dry wholemeal bread, some vitamin enriched biscuits (those special toddler ones) and some water. He has just refused any lunch. He was offered soup, bread, weetabix and also bagels. He is now in bed and we are trying to get him to have a nap. He seems very tired - not surprising as he is not really eating. This has been going on for a while now and at first I put it down to him not being well, but it is getting ridiculous. People in guantanamo bay eat better then he does!! Yesterday he had: 2 cups of warm milk, 3 petit filous, a peice of dry whoelmeal bread, water, 3 peices of dry whoelmeal toast, water, toddler biscuits, a few spoons of rice and nibbled the end off a couple of chicken goujons, water, 1 cup of warm milk at bedtime. Thats it. All day. I cannot force feed him and all of my tricks have failed. I am at the end of my tether. Please please help.

I am no expert and I was the fussiest eater in the world and I eventually tirned out ok. My mumnever made a fuss at all, just gave me dinner a bit of things I would eat a bit of things I wouldn't and took away what I never ate. I did eventually begin to eat most things.
I get the impression that you give him pretty much what he wants just so he eats something have you tried rather than giving him all these choices to just make him a meal put it in front of him and ignore it if he doesn't eat it and make a huge fuss of what he does eat. If you are getting anxious he will get anxious and not eat. I have seen them on house of tiny tearaways actually and when the parents stops sitting over the child trying to coax them to eat and just sits as normal around the table the child is more likely to eat.

He will not let himself starve, he is eating what he needs to keep going. It is really hard but try not to give into the feeling of being grateful for what he wil eat and giving him that.

You are not a useless mother at all, a useless mother would not be trying to find solutions in the way you are. It can be hard as a mum to be objective and we always feel guilt for it but honestly you are not useless.

from what i can see from what you have posted, he is getting perfectly adequate maintainence calories from the various milk and biscuit he is getting. The appetite of your child is nothing to do with your abilities as a mother.

How about dishing up plain soft food that he always liked before, dishing it up and pretending to yourself that it is sweets. Therefore it doesn't matter whether he eats it or not.

what he had to eat yesterday doesnt sound bad at all.infact im pretty sure my kids sometimes only eat that and i dont give it a second thought.Well maybe make a m ental note.it sounds to me and please dont take this the wrong way that youre the one making the fuss and he s picking up on that. Im convinced that a relaxed easy going approach to food is what prevents serious neurosis about it now and later on in life.

Yes I am sure he has lost weight...several people have commented on it, including his nursery teacher. He has got a 3.5 yr health check with the hv week after next so I will get him weighed then. When he was born he suffered from nutripenia (low platelet count) and obviously that affected his immune system. I think maybe I should get him checked out to make sure it hasnt returned. I try very hard not to make a fuss, just take the food away, no comment, all of that. I dont bribe or anything like that but his diet just seems so unsatisfactory. If he were well and happy I wouldnt be so worried, but he seems unlike his usual self.

Talk to your health visitor or the gp. You are obviously worried - not just about his eating - and a mothers instinct is definitely worth listening to... Perhaps after a check up your mind will be put at rest or there will be a problem to tackle which you won't be facing alone. HTH

I wouldn't worry too much, he is having healthy food like milk and brown bread. From what he ate the other day it could be what my 8 year old ds eats somedays. He has a small appetite too, he's also quite thin but I can't force him to eat and he does have phases where he will eat more.

I went to the doc when ds was 5 and he checked him over and said he was healthy, he does sport etc but some winters when he has had a cold and cough he looks like a little ghost. I buy those vitamin tablets and he drinks milk with ovaltine so I try not to worry. Every now and then I can con him into veg if he wants some sweet stuff after his meal.

Have decided am going to take him back to docs tomorrow....got an appointment anyway to check on his chest infection. Will ask for a blood test for the neutripenia and see what they say. Seems a bit brighter today, eaten a bit more, but no lunch again thank you for your posts xx

Hi, just a thought from my times of worry over my children's diet...I found I was more calm when I made sure I was eating stuff I really liked myself, so at least the children were in the same room as someone who was enjoying a variety of food.

Good luck at the doctor's.