where to get help ?

[tomps]

Has anyone experience of getting outside help for parenting issues ? My relationship with dd aged 5 is making me feel depressed. I've posted about her since before christmas as behaviour really went downhill since school started. Probably her behaviour is normal, so it's me who needs help dealing with her. Should I see a counsellor to try to improve my self esteem so I feel better able to cope or a child psychologist to work out how best to 'manage her behaviour' ? Any advice greatly received.

Have you a good HV? My relationship with my dd (5) was horrible around the Summer (she ws 4 then) & my HV proved to be a god send. I don't really recommend them often but mine, this time, was amazing. I suppose she just pointed out the obvious really, that I was asking too much of dd (as in: Take your shoes to your room, while you are there pick your washing up & bring it to me in kitchen, then set the table) & asked me to stop asking her to do stuff...but tell her when I needed one thing doing at a time.

Anyway I'm waffling now & I've to go get said dd from school, but will be back in a bit on my own PC & the keyboard is much easier to type with. (Im sure if you search you will see at the time a lot of Mn'ers helped me with advice, & I greatfully followed it!!)

No relationship with hv at all. NOt sure if I'm having expectations too high or too low ? I'm finding it difficult to have a sense of perspective which is why I feel I need help. At least if I felt confident about what I'm doing and how I treat her she would probably feel more secure ?

What exactly is she doing & what expectations do you have for her? Is there a certain point that you reach & then break? I know with my dd in the summer, it was me. It was the way I was handling her & dealing with the way she acted. Last night again we were right back @ square one but after the episode I said to dh "That was our fault, if we had've ignored her & not reacted it would all have been fine" He agreed with me, so I felt awful...she is the chid, we are the adults.

My HV told me if she was playing up (dd was laying on the floor tantrumning at 4.5) to walk out the room as she was looking for attention, it seemed so simple when she told me to do that but up until then I had no idea what to do or if it was something I was doing wrong or if I had brought the wrong child home from the hosp with me!!!!

When she butted in on the conversation between dh & I (a flashpoint & a really rude habit, ie: look at me daddy, don't talk to mammy, look, look what I can do!!!!) we removed her from the room & set her on a beanbag in the hallway, once or twice at this soon made her realise that we weren't putting up with any nonsense.

Have you tried Parentline? I think the phoneline offers emotional support more than advice but there seems to be a lot of stuff on the website as well.

\link{http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/Parentline}

oops

Parentline

There's also a Parentline Scotland BTW

thankyou. I'm really trying not to react to all of her 'i hate you, stupid, i don't care what you think etc etc 's and being positive and avoiding going head to head with her over anything (that's ALWAYS a problem !) but it really seems to be getting worse. Partly because dp is getting very frustrated with her too and getting very cross and blaming me for her behaviour. I already blame myself for her behaviour but that doesn't really help us make the situation better ! Mostly I feel very very sad about our lovely dd and keep wondering what i/we have done wrong.