How can I get my 15mo to stop wanting to be picked up and carried all the time?

[novadandypowder]

I know the simple answer is 'don't pick her up' but she has really bad tantrums. She's only been walking for one month and still won't climb stairs so I tend to carry her most of the time if we need to get something done.

The main trouble is that I'm 31wks pg and as well as not having the strength to carry a 2stone chunk of toddler, I realise that I won't be able to carry both. If I try to make her walk anywhere outside of the house she either goes in the opposite direction or throws herself on the floor and yells, same with the stairs.

I've tried reins but that just leads to more fury. I feel like such a bad parent if I leave her there when she's looking up at me with tears in her eyes holding up her arms for me to pick her up.

Can I do this without causing her so much upset?

I had this when dd2 was a baby and dd1 was 2. I can remember her lying on the ground in a puddle screaming because I expected her to walk (only had a pram for baby, not double buggy). We did get home in the end.

I suggest you sit her down and with dh explain that mummy cannot pick her up any more because of the baby in her tummy. Yes I know she won't understand at first, but if you follow that up by repeating it every time she asks to be carried and not carrying her, you might start saving your back and in any case there may come a time when you physically can't do it anyway.

To compensate for this, maybe you could increase the amount of time she spends on your lap, having a cuddle. Also, when mine asked to be carried and I was hugely pregnant I said No I can't carry you, but I can give you a cuddle. It is still an effort to get down to their level and hug, but not as bad as actually lifting. It did work, now I come to think of it.

I used to sit mine on my bump

If she has only been walking for a month she may not quite have the stamina to walk for very long anyway.

At 15 months she is unlikely to have any understanding of the concept of needing to give up on a carry because of a baby being in mummy's tummy...
I think the idea of a cuddle instead is good. Will she hold your hand and walk?

Or try standing where you want her to go and calling to her while smiling like a loon and looking like a really interesting and exciting person to walk towards...? Then a huge 'hooray' and clapping etc when she walks to you?

Oh sorry, I didn't realise she was only 15 months - confused 2 stone with 2 years!

I think the key to this is that she has only been walking for a month. She is going through one of those phases where she is gaining independence in a big way, by having the new skill of walking, but wants to keep holding on to you and checking that you are there. It is very common for them to be clingly when learning a new skill. It's not about not wanting to walk, it's about being reassured that you are still there. We have just had a big bout of night waking with ds who has been potty training. Doesn't make it any easier I know, but it will pass!!

And agree with the top tips from Jessajam!

Thanks for the tips. She never stops walking in the house, and I only really want her to start doing short trips like from the house to the car, the car to nursery and things like that.

Tried the standing like a loon at nursery today to see if she would walk from the coat rack to the toddler room but she refused and laid on the floor crying.

I know I've probably brought this on myself, but I can't bear to see her so upset.

A mother's place is in the wrong! Don't blame yourself - there's no way of knowing if things could have been any different. Can you walk and use the buggy, rather than carry her all the way from the car to the nursery? Or use the buggy from the car to nursery? Perhaps you could sit down somewhere and have her on your knee for a while at the end of nursery and then she might be more amenable to walking. Things are the way they are - and many children her age are not even walking yet.

My 14 month old does exactly this. He has been walking for 2 months and will quite happily toddle around but when he wants picked up then boy do we know about it. He can sob for Britain - total pants. Ds1 was never like this afair and I'm just hoping it's one of those (millions of) phases they go through.