Before kids, I had never...

[Slippersandacuppa]

dishwashed a dinosaur.

DS2 had a bug. He vomited all over a T Rex (and his bunk bed stairs, the floor, the wall, the door...).

There's a first time for everything, I guess.

Uttered the words... no you can't do stand up poos. (Whilst rushing to sit ds on the toilet)

Bitten someone else's fingernails.
Slept for hours completely immobile (co-slept).
Wiped someone's arse.
Worried about the state of the world so much.

Thought of wine as an essential item that must be available at all times.
Owned a coffee machine;instant was apparently strong enough.
Acquired a sore throat just from yelling so much.

Knew what tiredness was.
Appreciated being able to sleep until whenever.
Cleaned human poo off carpet.

drunk cold tea, found odd socks, raisins in my handbag, wiped snot on my own clothes and driven round late night chemists in tears looking for Infacol

Said the phrase "Take that pancake off your brothers head"

Tried to catch body fluids!!

Hummed nursery rhymes even when I'm by myself

These are so funny!

Just earlier on the phone me & best friend.

"Shit I need to go sorry DD2 is trying to shove a phone up the dogs arse"

Used the words 'stop licking your sisters wheels' watched someone projectile vomit over the walls, carpet, sofa, t v control and a very bewildered old English sheepdog.
Be thankful for 3 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Consider 6am a reasonable sleep in.

Realised I could feel so much love for such a tiny person
Realised what it means to be tired!
Cried from being so tired
Been awake 36 hours solid after coming home from a night shift to a poorly DD
Felt the need to protect someone like a lion protects her cubs
Called toes toekeys

Been up 3 hours at only 8am.

Worried I wasn't good enough.
Caught other people's bodily fluids with my hands/cleavage.
Used my hairdryer as a sleep aid.
Looked for planes/helicopters in the sky (even when I'm alone)

Been so enraged by other people's music/DIY noises/car alarms/motorbikes.

Was going to say "consider anything past 6am to be practically a lie in" but a couple of you beat me to it... (I'm looking at you, DD2!)

"Shit I need to go sorry DD2 is trying to shove a phone up the dogs arse"

This is my favourite one 😂

Googled colour charts of poo when trying to work out if DS' poo was ok or not
Watched a Youtuber playing Minecraft
Had detailed conversations about the origin stories of superheroes
Realised water bottles were my nemesis because they leak so easily over school bags; the floor;the car

Had to cross my legs when sneezing 🙈

Been kicked in the mouth (by a toddler wearing sandals during a nappy change).

Felt in a toddlers mouth to see what they were eating (a slug ).

Been peed on.

Considered 7am to be a 'lie in'. Even 8am seemed early to me and pre children if I ever woke up at that time for no reason I'd try and get back to sleep or be pissed off that I couldn't get back to sleep (usually following a late night).

Weird how much you perception changes after having kids.