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Parenting

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Original poster

Am i the only mother doing it all 'wrong'?

22 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 25/01/2007 08:44

When i was pregnant with DS (my 1st child) i read all the advice and literature very carefully, read every magazine going, noted all the safety advice etc.

Then after a few months of DS being here, i relaxed somewhat. It occurred to me last night that i do alot of stuff i'm not 'supposed' to do...

Weaned before 6mths (which in retrospect might have been pointless...will stick it out next time)

I let him sleep on his front because he prefers it.

Have stopped sterilising his bottles.

Have co slept.

I'm sure there's more....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

whoopsfallenoveragain · 25/01/2007 08:45

I did things like that with both my 2
we still let dd & ds sleep in our bed when we are too lazy to sort them out in the night too!

eidsvold · 25/01/2007 08:46

if it works for you and your - that is all that matters. ( well for me anyway)

Nip · 25/01/2007 08:46

DetentionGrrl - This sounds TOTALLY like me! I'm now trying to make sure i do things right, but still find myself doing things i'm not supposed to!

My DS also sleeps on his front.. was weaned at 5 mnths... slept with us (not all the time though)

Its hard not knowing what to do... thanks for starting this thread

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Original poster

DetentionGrrrl · 25/01/2007 08:50

i know that there's an element on the boards who feel 'instinct', especially for a 1st timer should be ignored, but it's what i've done.

Co sleeping is now only for morning nap if i am knackered too, but i'm stopping that soon so get into the routine of being up and dressed before i go back to work in March I like a morning nap!

It doesn't matter how many times i put DS on his back and tuck him in, he will ALWAYS flip to his front. I can't spend all night turning him over!

Thought of another one- i expressed in the 1st week of breastfeeding, against MW's advice. (and i was right)

OP posts:

Miaou · 25/01/2007 08:52

I don't think there is such a thing as a "right" way and a "wrong" way with most things to do with bringing up children. There are "recommended" ways and there are the ways that are best for you and your family (which may or may not be compatible!)

mateychops · 25/01/2007 08:57

Don't sweat it; too many mums are pressurised by everyone from midwives to friends and families (even Mumsnet sometimes!) There's no wrong or right way, just whatever is right for you.

My two are now both at school, and the only times we've not been happy with something has been when we've not trusted our own instincts.

So no, you're not an honoury member of the bad mother's club; you're going to have to do a WHOLE lot worse!

CAMy · 25/01/2007 09:00

You sound like you're doing well to me

rookiemum · 25/01/2007 09:10

In the early days I found that if the book I was reading is against what I am doing, I would just find another one that agreed.

I gave up BF after a week as DS had a tongue tie and I couldn't cope, I started weaning at 5 months as he seemed ready, I beat myself up about both those things.

Now I cut out the middle man and have stopped reading the books and just do what feels right. Our DS is fit, happy and doing all the stuff he is meant to at his age so I will listen to what people say or what I read but if it doesn't suit then I just ignore it.

HellyMnelly · 25/01/2007 16:47

This is such a great thread! I feared that it was just me that weaned before 6 months, didn't bother with too much safety stuff, lets DS pick things up off the floor and put them in his mouth etc. I feel much braver about joining in on threads now I know I'm not a bad and lazy mother (or only a bit bad and lazy anyway !

LittleMonkeysMum · 25/01/2007 19:37

I do EVERYTHING wrong! With DD1 I had a fresh veg juice EVERY day, and nothing I wasn't supposed to eat. With DD2 pregnancy I ingested more brie de meaux and runny eggs than I did vegetable juice!! Also with DD1 we did co sleep, although I really tried not to, I started weaning at 16 weeks (although like OP will probably hold off with DD2), used a dummy (and definitely will again!), DD1 is nearly 15 months and has 3 bottles (with teats) of milk a day.
I reckon the only difference now is that I'm not hard on myself about any of this. Have completely resigned myself to co sleeping with DD2 and getting much more sleep as a result of not getting up 200 times a night to put her back in her cot! Here's to getting it all wrong, but not being too hard on yourself about it [large glass of wine icon]

rookiemum · 25/01/2007 22:15

LittleMonkeysmum I thought i was the only one who knowingly ate brie through pregnancy towards the end it wasn't good enough so I moved onto blue brie.
All fine until my preggers friend tucked into brie turned round to me and said oh well yours turned out all right, arrgh the responsibility !

minipluffmum · 25/01/2007 22:50

Great thread! I was exactly the same but ended up weaning at 4.5mths (would also stick it out next time - you live and learn) co-sleeping every nap time, threw away the bloody cotton wool balls and boiled water after the 3rd day home etc etc.
My DD is 16mths now and I now feel totally vindicated in having used my instincts.She is in the peak of health and catching up with her 19mth old friends in speach and walking.
By the way Helly - I thought it was just me that let my DD run around putting things in her mouth. This morning I caught her trying to eat the contents of the rice filled shaker I made for her out of an old tupperware box! I guess I'm just a little bit bad and lazy too - ho hum.......

reetnproper · 25/01/2007 23:37

Lol, the ONLY piece of advice I have ever taken notice of (other than the child safety type things) is the following (told to me by a HV I might add ):

Babies can't read and are unaware, therefore, that they are supposed to do ABC by XY and Z.

Original poster

DetentionGrrrl · 26/01/2007 08:11

thought of another one- i moved DS into his room at 2wks, not the 'advised' 6mths, and we all slept better!

OP posts:

rookiemum · 26/01/2007 09:22

Oh gosh yes we held out until 6 weeks by which time DH and I were nearly ready for the divorce courts having not slept in the same bedroom for almost that length of time.

Had DS in our room over the weekend when we were at friends recently, its a nightmare we got no sleep. Totally admire anyone who keeps them in for the recommended six months but we just couldn't do it.

Oh and I let DS eat the dirt off his buggy wheels to build up immunity (ahem).

theUrbanDryad · 26/01/2007 09:35

ooohhhh i feel so much better! i ate brie, pate, stilton, prawns ALL the way through my pregnancy, ds (3 weeks) is currently fast asleep in my bed next to me, although we only do it when dh has gone to work, then i haul him into bed with me to do a morning feed and put him back down to sleep next to me. we both get more sleep that way....

sniff · 26/01/2007 09:38

no your not I have 3 my youngest nearly 8 months still wont eat always co sleeps

i read all the stuff to but somehow it never quite happens for me !!!!

your doing fine wouldn't worry

sniff · 26/01/2007 09:40

by rookiemum Oh and I let DS eat the dirt off his buggy wheels to build up immunity (ahem).

this has just cheered up my morning mine do stuff like this

Enid · 26/01/2007 09:44

I did everything 'wrong' with dd3

dragged her around with me everywhere
only put her to bed when I felt like it
co-slept for months
let her sisters (6 and 3 then) look after her while I sat and had a cup of tea
took her to a wedding and then to a posh private members club until midnight (the staff were brilliant and adoring, other people in the bar were horrified - presumably otehr parents trying to escape small babies )
didn't bath her for about 6 weeks

and she is the most chilled and easy and loving of all my kids (oh and sleeps from 7-7)

reetnproper · 26/01/2007 09:45

My other half is more worried about doing the 'right' things than me and gets worked up about our 2yo picking her toys up and putting them in her mouth because of the germs/dirt etc

I haven't had the heart to tell him about the tings she'll get up to in the garden/playground/park etc as she grows .

dotcotton · 26/01/2007 10:02

Nice reassuring thread. We still co-sleep in the mornings, and when she wakes up in the night. I'm sure i read somewhere that it makes confident children so there's your justification as if that warm cuddling wasn't enough.

I dragged mine to loads of parties when she was tiny , we called that "socialising" her .

Our cats come and sleep on our bed in the morning too, we reckon it's good for her to be close to the pets, again this is good for her to build up immunity

The only thing I was a bit anal about was weaning by the book and sterilising to begin with but now its all gone out the window we couldn't be happier.

The next one will benefit from a "relaxed" parenting style right from the start . Happy mummy = happy baby so it does benefit them, honest!

devo · 30/01/2007 15:32

those of you who co-sleep, how do you make sure he/she dpesn't roll out, get under covers etc? my ds is 9 weeks, only way i can settle him after night feed is to put him in my bed but am scared to keep him there in case he gets too hot or rolls out.

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