I have 3 grown up children in their 20s & 30s. 2 eldest are girls and youngest a son. I'm divorced and live with my son, having had failed / distastrous marriages. My two daughters have a good relationship, which I welcome - the younger daughter has two small children and moved further away, so I can't see her as often as I'd like because I work full time.
In the past year I had distressing conflict with my eldest who has had a series of terrible abusive boyfriends, which led to her cutting herself off from me because I couldn't bear that she was with these nasty men, & she couldn't see it. Thankfully in the last few months, that seems to be put behind her and we've worked hard to draw a line and repair our relationship, which I've welcomed. But recently I find myself increasingly caught up with conflict if I spend any time with either of them, with one accusing me of spending more time with the other and neglecting her. I'm being caught up in he said / she said. I've been accused by the daughter with small children of not making time for her because I spend all my time with my eldest daughter who lives nearby. Truth is I don't. I spend a lot of time working and on my own. In fact I'm very lonely at times. My failed last marriage ( divorced 10 years ago) is constantly thrown in my face as a source of complaint because they see it as a source of all their problems. I can't seem to ever move away from this. There's too much messaging / gossip between them about things I'm supposed to have said about the other, most of it untrue or exaggerated. Most recent occasion one daughter tells the other I asked if something's been said, and it leads to an angry phone call demanding why I've said. My son accuses me of allowing his sisters to control my life after seeing at close hand the detrimental affect it's having on me. I'm really worn out by this. I've always done my best for them all, supprted them throughout their lives, financially and emotionally, and always been there. I feel that I'm totally unappreciated and more recently disrespected. And would love to have a sensible normal relationship again. Maybe I've just done too much, and devoted my life too much to my children, and neglected my own happiness. I love them all very much. It's causing me great distress and sleepless nights.