parents and onlys - attention focused on the child

[karabiner]

Saw a thread in chat about onlies...made me decide to post on here about it (have wanted to for some time but not dared)

I know that only children can feel they are too much under the spotlight from both parents and that too much attention can be placed on them.

I have an only - 4 years old - and of course I want to avoid doing this to my son but I dont know whather we are giving him too much attention or whether he feels too much under our attention. Really what do you do to avoid that feeling in the child.

Only children yourselves - what tips could you give me, or parents of other onlies - what do you do.

We do spend a lot of time with him at weekends and my two days at home. He goes to a childminders/nursery 3 days a week when I work so do mix with other children. But how do you manage at home?

I have a 4yo dd
I try and practice a bit of benign neglect
I make sure she sees plenty of her friends
I try and treat her in the same way I would if I had more children (ie not lavishing everything on her all the time)

I am an only. I would say don't worry about it too much! It sounds like you are making a real effort to ensure your son mixes with other children and adults. I'm sure this helps. Things I thinks my parents did:

-We always had holidays with my similar-aged cousins
-I had lots of 'play dates' and time at friends houses etc
-They definitely didn't spoil me! i.e they set 'boundaries' or whatever it's called; but I'm sure they never rationed attention when they were present!
-excepting that they always paid attention to each other in front of me so I think I learnt that sometimes I don't get attention from mummy straight away, it's daddy's turn, if you see what I mean?
-They never tried to live their lives through me by forcing me to do things I didn't want to do that they thought I should (like be a ballerina. for example)

HTH! There are real benefits to being an only. I'm sure it made me much more mature and able to have adult conversations at an earlier age.

thanks for these comments, feels good to hear others experiences. Probably DH and I need to pay a bit more attention to each other when around DS. We dont spoil him materially atall and try to take turns with things ie mummy's turn, ds's turn then daddy's turn for watching TV in the mornings. Dont always do that though.