At about three months of age my son developed several health issues and was diagnosed with a tumour. He was put on a lot of medications and after surgery is now fit and healthy, he has just turned one.
I am obviously incredibly thankful that he is okay, and wake up every day in disbelief that we got through it all. Despite this I am struggling to bond with him now, he is funny, smiley and a little terror but he is simply not the child I have known for the last 12 months.
I know he has changed as he is no longer on medication or in pain, which is fantastic, but he is not the child I loved. He is wild, loud and everything a one year old should be but I miss the sweet, gentle boy I knew.
I know it sounds crazy, and I feel terrible, but I miss my gentle boy and resent this wild doppleganger. He is a lovely child but I can't stop pining for the child I raised for the last year.