OK DS1 age 10 wants to walk home alone, panic panic panic

[kimi]

Its a 10/15 minuet walk one big road with traffic lights outside the school and a smaller road with a traffic island half way.
He has after school club so i get DS2 at 3 and DS1 at 4, but DS1 says he wants to walk home alone (in September he goes to high school and will have to get a bus) the only time he has been out without an adult is to go to town (1 bus 20 mins away) with a friend a year older, and most times me, DH or friends parents take/pick up instead of the bus.

He is very grown up in some things, and has dad's old mobile (i have told him if anyone "mugs" him hand it over as we can replace it, we cant replace him) but i am to put it bluntly si*ing myself at the thought of him coming home alone.

What says the mumsnet hall of advice???

I am 36 and I HAD to walk home by myself every night when I went to senior school (so about the same age) I caught a bus from town to the outskirts & then had a 15 min walk through housing estates.

I was meant to be walking home with a much older girl but most of the time she couldnt be bothered to catch the bus so I was alone.

I have to say I was a little nervous when it was dark & winter, but I invented an imaginary friend who met me off the bus

are you worried cos of his age or because its perceived that the world is more dangerous these days?

My DS started walking home from school during Year 6 - 2 miles, across a main road (with the lollipop lady) and then a couple of minor roads.

He didn't have a mobile.

There were other parents who walked the same route for part of the way and they would look out for those walking iykwim.

And on the first few occasions we did drive a different way home, and sort of surrepticiously checked that he was ok iykwim.

I walked 15min to and from the station (having caught the train with a bunch of other girls) from Y6.

This was before mobiles, and what really helped me was having 'reference points' on the way where I knew I could stop and go in if I was worried about anything - doctor's surgery, police station, corner shop, Emma's mum's house, cafe, Marks & Spencer etc.
Also planned a route that avoided dark footpaths, difficult roads etc.
The other thing to consider is a rucksack etc with reflective bits on - these dark evenings children in black trousers and coats barely show up.

Walk it with him a couple of times at the weekend or something - it'll be good practice for September.

Kimi - I would let him. If you're really nervous about it why not do it in stages over the next week or so? Meet him at the busy road on the first couple of days but on your side so you can watch him cross. Then meet him half way, then at the bottom of your road.

IME, it's much better to get him used to it now than in September when they have a whole host of other stuff to remember too. Also I didn't mind letting them come homwe alone as I would be here waiting. I found it more worrying when they wanted to go to school alone as you didn't really know if they'd made it IYSWIM.

Dd1 who is in year 7 has been walking to school and back with friends since year 5 (round here we have middle schools so they move up aged 9). Your ds's journey sound similar to her's (except for the crossing outside the school ). I have drummed it into her that if she ever walks alone she must go the main road way (there are lots of back routes she could take).
It sounds a good idea to do a practice run with him first-I know her first school do this in yr4 as preparation.

kimi i understand. dd is in last year of primary school- we live in a rural area and have always had to drive her to and from school in town.i really thought she was clueless- i had a panic attack every time we crossed the road- she was all over the place. dh persuaded me that she needed some freedom to gain confidence in the big wide world. i can honestly say when she was 10 she was capable of walking to the childminder( 10 min walk) and being met by childminder about 2/3 way there.eventually she could do this by herself.
now at 11 she is allowed to bike to the shop on a sunday for the paper( 2 mile round trip- but with my mobile and clear instructions about what to do in as many situations as we can think of)
i don't think i would have let her do it even 6 months go.
do it in stages and your ds will gain confidence. you are right to worry- it's a big step.
to put it in perspective- my sister and i used to get the TRAIN! aged 5 and 7 ,3 stops and a 15 minute walk home.but it was a different world in 1973.

I started walking home from school aged about 7 or 8. My primary school was about a 20 min walk away. Mostly small suburban streets but one main road.
Think my mother/father shadowed me for the first few times (seem to remember some hoo-ha because had walked a different route and my dad couldn't see me).
Syaing that - was only thinking earlier that from the age of 7 I would walk up the road at 6pm as far as the local station (15mins walk), go down onto the platform, and wait for my father to get off the train. Was wondering how I'd feel about dd doing this and decided I wasn't sure if I would let her.
Shame really - it's partly the fear of how people would view me as a mother rather than a fear that something would happen to her.

there must be quite a lot of parents/ children taking the same route and therefore plenty of people around - or do they all go by car?

My DS is 10 aswell , we live in a small village so he has been walking home from school himself, well with his sister for a while now. Last year he was at a couple of after school clubs so I came along to pick up DD and he came home himself, I would wait halfway along the road to start with.

Things like bus journey etc seem like a huge thing, but he will have to catch a bus to school in 2 years, I want to put him in another school so it won't be the a school bus. DS is daft as a brush and I worry that he will wander out of school, miss buses and generaly not have a clue what to do and where to go.

So we will have to do some work over the next year, to prepare him for this, he is in Scouts now and will be going on camps where he has to look after himself more so we will see .

DS1 and then when it was her turn DD1 walked home from the summer term of Y5. It was very good for their independence and made the travelling to senior school in Y7 much much easier. DD1 has to take a bus and a tube and DS1 takes the bus.

It's good for them and your heart will calm down after the first few times. Honest it will.

Does he have friends who walk the same way?

Thank you every one, there is no one for him to walk with, and as he will be in the after school till 4.00pm most of the busy time for people going the same way will have passed.

He has done the walk every day (with me) for the past 6 years, and i have drummed it in to him as much as i can road safty stranger (and not so stranger) danger, and i know come September he will have to go a lot ferther to school on an unknown route (kimi shudders at this though) as DS2 will only be in year 3and i cant get to 2 places at the same time.

I know i have to let him grow up and be more inderpendent but its so hard and scary.

I know at the age of 11 i had to get 2 buses to school and it never bothered me, i now know why my mother worried if i was late.

DS1 has since Y5 as he is another who goes to middle school. Also at the beginning of the week he has to get a public bus to his grandmas. I think I was more worried about that! No mobiles allowed at school either. He is in the 4th year of doing this and it has been fine

will let you know how it goes

It's a dilema isn't it, my ds (9) is keen to start walking to & from school alone. It's a 10min walk away with 2 roads one small on the estate but it's quite busy in the morning, the other is a main road with a pedestrian crossing. At the moment I walk to & collect from the crossing. I'm letting him walk home alone today because I have to be in 2 places at once, so I'll have to see how he cope's with that.

DH (on his way home from work) met him about 100 yards from home.
Today was ok, another after school club tomorrow, so i will have the same worry then.

Thinking back, at 10 yrs I used to get a bus (or half hour walk) and then a train to school, arrived 15 mins before anybody else at school, brother got the same bus and train but headed of to different school, on the way home I got the train and bus by myself, did this for a year and a half until I moved up to High school.

I couldn't imagine DS doing this, different world now I suppose.

I have the same worrys today.

Spent the WHOLE way to school this morning reminding him of stuff, like do this dont do that blah blah blah