How often do you take the 'easy' option?

[Heatherbell1978]

Everyone's heard the phrase 'choose your battles'...I have a nearly 2 year old and I feel like I don't choose enough battles. He is fussy with food but I don't like to cause a fuss so I just give him what he'll eat and take away food when he doesn't. He doesn't like getting into the bath so I put Peppa Pig on the iPad to mesmerise him long enough to undress him and get him in. He's difficult to change his nappy, again Peppa helps me out. In fact Peppa Pig helps me out a LOT at the moment. Or the dummy. If he's 'planking' getting into the buggy, I shove the dummy in and that usually sorts it. He's not unusually difficult or anything, I just prefer to take the easy option than 'discipline' too much. At his age should I be though?

Much like the others here, I've got things that are non negotiable. Teeth, good table manners, washing hands properly, bath before bed. DC are 4yo and 25mo.

The TV/tablet issue is very individual. DC1 becomes an absolute toad if there's too much TV, and will veg out with my iPad all day if I let him. DC2 will watch Peppa Pig quietly for as long as I allow. So I have no TV until 5pm (and then only CBeebies) when DC1 is around, but on the days I'm home with DC2, she can have Peppa Pig for a bit while I unpack shopping or load the dishwasher, whatever chore I need to do. Tablet-wise I only allow DC1 an hour a week for good behaviour, DC2 can have it to distract her from playing with DC1's Lego...

Thanks for all your messages. I'm definitely softer than DH when it comes to discipline which I didn't think would be the case before I had him! I'm 7 weeks pregnant at the moment too and feeling exhausted so I'm definitely using the TV/tablet etc more than normal. DS is still quite young (22 months) so doesn't understand consequences of his actions all the time so disciplining can be tough. I'n the first person to tell people with babies that everything is just a phase (having stressed myself through so many phases when DS was tiny) so hopefully this will be too. I didn't expect that getting toddlers to do things involved so much bargaining!!

I didn't expect that getting toddlers to do things involved so much bargaining!!

Wait until they are 10.

DD (4) is being majorly challenging at the moment. For me, pick your battles means she can wear what she pleases even if that's a pyjama top, a tutu and minion leggings and she sucks her thumb as much as she wants , but I dont let rudeness, violence or outright defiance slide. Meals are on a "eat it or dont eat it but that's what there is" basis. If I pick up on every little thing I do just feel like I'm being negative to her all day.

Re eating, I have a sister who was an incredibly fussy eater as a child, and still is to some extent, and I well remember the hours spent trying to coax her to eat something she didn't want.

So when it came to one of my dds, who at about 2 only wanted .e.g. eggs on their own, or pasta on its own, or apples, I just gave her what she liked - mind you it was all 'proper' food - and over a few days the protein, carbs, etc. balanced each other.

It wasn't long before she became a lot less picky, and turned out not picky at all. As long as it's not junk, from experience I'm wholly in favour of giving them what they like, so that meals do not become a battle of wills or a matter of discipline.

Do whatever works, but be flexible and try to drop the crutches now and again to see what happens. I went through months when DD (nearly 2) wouldn't let me change her nappy - she would scream and fight like a wild animal, so I had to use video clips on my phone. But she's gradually grown out of it, so I rarely have to use anymore. She went through months of not letting me brush her teeth, so DH had to do that job, but she's letting me again now.

Food, I'd keep offering a variety and take away and not offer anything else if they refuse. Sometimes it's just good to know that I've got something I like that I can cook and know she'll scoff it. I save those for days when I'm tired! She will often fling food if she's not happy, so it's been constant "no, don't throw food" every meal time... Hopefully we will get there soon!

I know I give in way too easily myself, I'm definitely an "easy option" parent. My girls are 3.5 now and I feel (hope) that we are over the worst of their inability to co-operate... well, for 10 years until things will get REALLY interesting. I'm a single mum who works and studies so when I get time to spend with my DDs, I don't want to be fighting. The only things I always enforce are to always say sorry if they've done something wrong, to eat one of each thing on their plate (they went through fussy stages, but this isn't so relevant anymore) and that nap time is nap time. Anything else can just HAPPEN as far as I'm concerned: they can wear what they like, watch what they like on TV, do whatever activities they like within reason but frankly I'd rather do all the crazy stuff with them that they want to do than spend hours fighting getting them into the bath or to eat two more pieces of broccoli.

"With most things I have a 'start as you mean to go on' attitude and for the most part the hard work pays off."

I actually think that lots of unreasonable things have been imposed on babies and toddlers in the name of "start as you mean to go on". I'm not referring to your particular examples Failure. But I do think that, because in many other ares of life, the "start as you mean to go on" concept works quite well, too many people try to apply it to newborns (for example) and not pick them up when they cry - that sort of thing.

As adults we are taught to tough it out - persevere - overcome all obstacles. That doesn't work when you are dealing with a vulnerable child.

Babies and toddlers are not miniature adults, there are some things that they are just not developmentally ready for. So again to use the newborn example, yes you could just refuse to give them all the help they need, thinking "they have to learn", but it wouldn't make sense to do that.

Recently my toddler has gone through a phase of being terrified of getting in the bath. My in-laws solution is to steam ahead, get him in there, he has to learn. But there is real fear in those eyes. Turned out he had a very good reason to not want to go in (won't get into it here) and I'm so glad I didn't forge ahead and "make" him.

Probably not making much sense. Basically what I'm saying is, going with the flow and actually attempting to listen to your child is not taking the "easy" option, it's being a good parent. The idea that everything has to be done The Hard Way is pretty Victorian (and wrong) imo. My toddlers rarely tantrummed, because they feel/felt listened to and supported