At what point did you develop a thick skin about people saying negative things about your children?

[weeblueberry]

Shared nanny has just left for the day and said in an exhasperated tone about my three year old, 'she's just very bossy - now obviously that's just her personality, it's just that X (another of her charges) is a bit sick of it'.

Now, there's no part of me that thinks she's an angel. She's is bossy. She's three. But it is hurtful to hear. I don't have a problem with people criticising me but hearing it about her is hard.

So how do you learn to stop being so precious when they're criticised? I know the thing that was said is true (it's not the first time a similar thing has been said by the nanny) and understand she's human and had obviously had a hard day but it was difficult to hear I suppose. I need to learn how to buck up...so how did you do it?

If something had been mentioned ( especially on more than one occasion and by different people) I would take notice and work on the problem.

Just say thank you

It's a good strategy - whenever anyone tells you something that's hard to hear

"Thank you" ( which means thank you for your honesty, thank you for this opportunity to improve, thank you for your perspective, thank you for helping me understand a different view, etc etc - you get the idea)

and then talk to your 3 year old as best you can about being kind and taking turns

Most children are "bossy" at some stage - pretty developmentally normal I'd say

Thank you both. We are working on it and when she occasionally does it to her younger sister is pulled up on it. The nanny is the only person who's mentioned it but suppose she's in closest contact with her second to us.

She has experience with younger children (the nanny) and says she has the occasional bad day but is generally fine. She's tried to connect the poor behaviour to things but has just attested it to developmental changes etc.

But it is something we deal with when we see it arise.

I think the key thing is it's your nanny saying it. To me my nanny is my partner in bringing up DD (along with DH of course) and so when she says something it is not a criticism - it's her trying to be helpful and point something out that we all need to know about and take into account or work on.

If your nanny says your DD is generally fine then take that at face value - she's not saying your DD is awful, just that this is a characteristic she's noticed which may sometimes cause issues. Just like if she was noting your child was shy, or sensitive, or very active - all things which are not awful but just worth noticing and gently dealing with when appropriate.

If it was someone else saying it my reaction would (in general) be that it's rude as it's not really their business - but coming from your nanny it's a helpful comment.

I wouldn't develop a thick skin to nanny comments I would ask nanny that we work together to tackle the issue. Does she go to nursery and is she overly bossy there?

I agree with your Nanny it's a bit different. She'd hard a day with the kids (well one in particular making it difficult) she gets tested day after day by them! It's the same as you'd say to your partner if you'd been in sole charge after a long day.

I guess for me it would be conversation opener as to whether a different approach is needed to deal with that trait.

I still struggle! Especially when it seems to be every day and only bad things mentioned....

Thanks all

We have discussed it in the past and are both on the same page as to how it's approached. We're being consistent with it and I can only hope it's a phase that will pass. She's not in nursery until after the summer and really hope it's something we will see an improvement in then.

We do tackle the issue together, please don't think were unaware of it. I suppose it's why I took it more as a moan against her rather than a comment to be addressed.

What I will discuss tomorrow is whether she feels a new approach is needed. I don't want her to feel I'm ignoring it when I have my daughter myself.

I'm sorry you go through that Gizlotsmum. I can understand having it a lot must be hard. I think it's almost as though it's a criticism of my parenting and as though she feels I'm not doing enough about it.

I think I am particularly defensive as DS seems to be least favoured by one set of grandparents too... He's not bad ...but he's also not as well behaved or quiet as his sister...

"Bossy" is always used about girls. Boys are considered assertive and leader-like for exhibiting the same behaviors.

It isn't very cool to talk anout young children in this way. Is your nanny trained? I cannot imagine that anyone qualified in ece would speak so negatively about a small child's behaviour.