CherryPicking Wed 29-Jun-16 07:56:54
"I'm always reading about how allowing children to speak their minds; to teach them to express themselves in words rather than through violence, is the key to good mental health."
I think you have misunderstood what you have read. Being unkind to other people and making them sad is not good for anybody's mental health: it is as bad for the person who does it as the person who suffers it. Hurting somebody else is always bad for you. A healthy household is one where everybody is taught to express their feelings in non-hurtful ways.
That is why, as parents, we have to both model and teach good ways of expressing frustration and clamp down on bad ways.
"mum, I really hate it when you ruffle my hair, do you think you could stop?"- good way
"get off me, you fucking bitch"- bad way
"Little-Brother, I don't want you to play with that, have this instead"- good way
"you little creep, I hate you, I'm going to smash your head in"- bad way
By being firm and consistent in the way you allow them to speak, you can make your home a safe place where everybody knows that they will not be hurt verbally or physically. The only downside is, you may find any marital argument is curtailed by teen tut-tutting and "that's not a nice thing to say, mum". But I'm not sure I complain about that either: I reckon it's done dh and me good, too, to think about how we speak to people.