you can't make other peoples children share

[peachpie]

I have a one year old boy who adores his colourful noisy (charity shop!) push along car. We are going on a big weekend away with lots of other older children soon and I really want to take it as it keeps him occupied for hours. The problem is how do you deal with other children taking it--I'm all for sharing, but you are getting into dodgy territory if someone elses child takes it and won't give it back/share, especially if said childs parents' don't take any notice. I never want to be someone who disciplines other peoples' children. Should I just leave it behind and save myself the hassle?

no justexplain to other children that is is your sons favourite, if tehy take it just that is x 's please give it back normally works

I agree. I encourage my ds1 to share, but never force him to, and we have the concept of "special" toys that aren't for sharing. Despite that, he's actually very good at sharing his toys - I wonder if it's partly because he knows I'll back him up with the things he doesn't want to share.

I think you can always get other people's children to share - you could try making a game of it - other child pushes to your child, he pushes back to the other child. Or you could do a 'taking turns' game - we do this a lot. One child plays with it, then you count to ten, and then swap. Ds and all his friends respond really well to this, and the parents can't really complain, because then they are essentially saying 'My child can't take turns'. It's not disciplining other people's children as such - more brokering the situation.

This is really helpful! Thanks! I always think mediating between my child and other peoples eg at playgroup is a bit of a minefield and it seems I usually end up being too soft based on your replies! Poor boy always misses out because Mummy doesn't want to be a dragon/neurotic parent...!

When my kids were little I was a bit like you Peachpie - I tended to expect mine to share their stuff with others but often noticed the other kids not sharing back. Now I would be inclined to say "its time to return the car to X"

• if others don't notice their kids not sharing, then chances are they won't notice yours not sharing either..

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I suppose that is the thing with having ds twins, they always have to share things! Although we get them separate toys they swap etc. both have favourites, which does cause fighting.

Whenever this happens I distract the "taker" with another toy, maybe you could ensure the other children have their toys nearby. We were at a birthday party (for 2 year old) when the boys were about 18 months old and this older boy cousin spent his time bumping into the toddlers, stealing their toys, breaking the little boys toys. The mother was too busy enjoying herself to step in so me and the birthday boys mum had to pull this boy aside (he was 11) and tell him it wasn't on (the old "you are bigger than them" lecture.) Try and avoid this as it created an atmosphere with the negligent mother, but we couldn't see how else to stop this brat hurting the little ones.

Hi peachpie, its perfectly normal and okay for your ds to want his own special toy. You can point out the car belongs to your ds, and their toys (assuming they bring some too) belong to them. If they are older, they may understand better about this. Being possessive about your own "stuff" is part of becoming more independent.

Let them play along side each other with their own toys. If they seem to want to take turns or swap toys, help them to do so. You can try to encourage your ds to let someone else join in with his game, but you can't force it, esp at age 1.

If they are not much older than your ds, distraction with an attractive-looking different toy is the key. Children are distracted by their own eyelashes at this age, so its usually pretty easy! Good luck!

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