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Parenting

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Original poster

DADDY GOING AWAY

23 replies

cheekymonk · 19/01/2007 14:20

Hi There, Have just recovered from the brilliant bad parent thread where I was LOL at work as well!
Onto why I came on here today. My husband is going away for 6 months and ds is now 2. I am just trying to think of things that will help explain where daddy is, that it is not his fault etc and daddy is coming back but just not yet. I know children have no sense of time so am not sure how to handle it?
also WONDERED DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY GOOD BOOKS THAT MAY HELP?
Thanks

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Loopyjude · 19/01/2007 21:58

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rosebud1980 · 20/01/2007 12:18

Hiya, can i ask what your dh does? My hubby is in the forces navy to be precise. My ds is also two and is begining to notice and ak where his daddy is. Again keep photo's etc around the house and especially in their bedroom-try and include dh in ds routine eg. giving the photo a kiss before bed time etc. You could also make a coundown chart which is what im going to do next time hubby goes away ds should understand more then. The most important thing i also found was encouraging ds to talk on the phone-i would get dh to ring just before bedtime to say good night. Theres also a book on the tesco website not sure what its called will look but its about a daddy who works away on a boat it shows the two sides of the dd and the daddy where they are writing to each other. The pictures show all the different seasons and the moral of the storey is that even know daddy is away for a long time he always comes home in the end. I must look the book up and let you know.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 22/01/2007 09:07

Thank you both, they are both really helpful answers and have given me some inspiration. Dh is in Navy too.

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rosebud1980 · 22/01/2007 10:47

Where are you based cheekymonkey? I will try and find the name of that book it was under a fiver. Its hard isnt it-dp been away on alot of short trips longest 3mths its really upset ds sleepin espcially when dp leaves for the ship early before ds wakes and comes home late when hes in bed. Ds keeps waking up in the middle of the night expecting dp to be home.

throckenholt · 22/01/2007 11:19

can you get a picture of the ship and dh, and maybe a globe and each day talk about where daddy will be now and what it will be like there - that way he gets a feel for dh's life and learns some geography at the same time !

Original poster

cheekymonk · 22/01/2007 11:19

Hi Rosebyd, I am in Portsmouth. Yes it is hard- my dh has also been away on lots of short trips. Ds often wakes up asking for daddy and I find it heartbreaking and don't won't him to think it is his "fault" as children always blame themselves.
That would be great if you could find out the name of that book. Thanks

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Original poster

cheekymonk · 22/01/2007 11:19

Sorry Rosebud- I have lost power of spelling!

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Original poster

cheekymonk · 22/01/2007 11:53

Yes throckenholt that is also a good idea- thank you x

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pinkdolly · 22/01/2007 14:17

This was the reason for me saying "Im never gonna marry into the forces" Didnt want to cope with the seperation. So here I am, 3 children under 5 and my dh is...in the Navy too. He's just come back from portsmouth after 10 months, although we did c him most weekends. We are fortunate that he hasn't been away for long periods since dd2 was a baby. But i know its coming...

Just wanted you to know your'e not alone.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 22/01/2007 16:12

The worst thing is people who say "Well you knew what he was when you married him" Yes but when you love someone you accept the whole package don't you?
Thanks pinkdolly.

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Loopyjude · 22/01/2007 20:18

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pinkdolly · 23/01/2007 08:47

Your right, I'd go to the other side of the world if my dh was posted. Admittedly its not the easiest life, and there are times i feel so sorry for dh, having to spend time away from the girls (i know i couldnt do it).

But saying that, we have nice married quarters (although I do know that there are awful ones about), and we dont pay much for it.

Maybe we ought to start a navy wives support thread (lol)

So hands up, what do your dh's do?

Mine is an Aircraft engineer (newly qualified as a Leading Hand). And he works on the merlins in culdrose.

rosebud1980 · 23/01/2007 10:54

I disagree with people who say well you knew what you were getting into because i def didnt expect things to be this hard.Dp didnt really go away that often either when were dating and i didnt really think things would get that serious between us. Things only started to get harder as my feelings for him grew and before i knew it i was in too deep to get out.Its only now that i know what ive let myself in for and maybe if i knew this 6 years ago then i might of thought twice.I love dp to bits but the navy def puts a strain on your relationship and id sometimes give anything for a normal family life.

JackieNo · 23/01/2007 10:58

Can you record your DH reading some of your DS's favourite stories, then you can play the tape and 'read' them together?

McDreamy · 23/01/2007 11:00

That's what we are going to do today as DH is off to Afghanistan tomorrow. It's DD's birthday while he is away so he also going to record a birthday video for her.

damodad · 23/01/2007 11:05

I will have to point DW in the direction of this thread.. I'm in the Navy (portsmouth as well !!)

Luckily I'm shore based for the first year of my DD/DS?? life (5 weeks to go !!)
and not really looking forward to going back to sea and leaving a child behind, what age do you think that they recognise that daddy won't be home for a long time ?

McDreamy · 23/01/2007 11:09

This is DH's first detachment where I think she will really find it hard. DS is 18 months and I think he's going to be fine. DD is nearly 4, I think anytime from 2.5 but that is just my opinion and experience. The last time DH went away was 2 years ago and she was fine then.

How are you feeling? I know DH is in a right tizz about leaving DD, tomorrow ashe will go off to PreScholl and by the tme she gets back he will have left. I am not looking forward to breakfast time tomorrow.

Skyler · 23/01/2007 11:26

Oh McDreamy, will be thinking of you tomorrow. It is miserable waiting for them to go. My dh hasn't had to go away since I had the children but went to Kuwait the year we got married. I am lucky with his trade as they don't have to go away too much.
Good Luck to you all!!!

Original poster

cheekymonk · 23/01/2007 13:58

Wow this has taken off a bit since I last checked! Thanks everyone.
DH is a leading hand as well but marine engineer.
He came home for ds 2nd bday just for the afternoon, catching a 4 hour train from Cardiff to ports for a few precious hours together then off he goes again. I am so glad though that he makes the effort.
Lovely ideas of recording vice and doing a birthday video.
Nice to hear from a dad too... Thanks. It must be awful for you. I can see how it is making my dh feel so guilty but I tell him how proud of him we are.

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mrsvern · 23/01/2007 21:06

My DH is in the Royal fleet Auxiliary so does 4/5 month trips away. This trip has been the one where Ds has really noticed. he is 2.4. We have a child's map on the kitchen wall with a little picture of the ship that daddy drew and as Dh emails/calls with where they are we move the picture around the map. I started this the trip before this and now DS asks where the ship is and to move it.

There is also a book called Dear Daddy by Philip Desqualier that is really good. DS loves that.

Original poster

cheekymonk · 23/01/2007 21:26

tHANKS MRSVERN WILL LOOK THAT BOOK UP

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rosebud1980 · 24/01/2007 12:08

Thanks Mrsvern that was the book i was trying to remember couldnt think of the name-you can order it online from tesco's. Yeah i would definitely say that they begin to notice from age 2 my ds has. He's been very lucky though as dp has been home for the first years of his life and so they have a really good bond. My dp has heard some horrible stories from other fathers on his ship about when theyve come home from a long deployment and their little ones have ran away and hid behind their mums because they dont know who they are.Dp was really worried when he first went away and came home. I think in todays society its so much harder for men say then 20 years ago because fathers want to be more hands on they want to be at the birth and change nappies etc.

mrsvern · 24/01/2007 21:05

But in a way it is easier to keep in touch (when technology works!)now.

The first 2 times when DH came home DS would not go near him for 2 weeks. But now he is fine and so excited because we are seeing him this weekend for weekend leave

That book used to make me cry when I read it to DS so be warned

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