how do you give 1-2-1 time/attention, esp with 3 or more kids?

[cuppa]

Just wondered if anyone manages this, or makes it a sacrosanct part of family life.

I know my kids (3) benefit from a bit of time with just 1 parent and no siblings about, esp ds2.. But we're really crap at doing it.

there's loads I want to do, say just with 1 kid - help with reading, learning recorder etc.

Do people do it on an ad hoc basis, or have half an hour private time per child per day.

If dh takes say 1 kid out at w/e then I don't see dh, plus I am left with 2 who don't get the 1-2-1. I'm wondering if I should just lighten up, or if I should make it more definate. ALl of them could do with it, but none of them get it, usually. Just wondered what other families do?

Or any ideas how to implement it and how often?

I dont do it every day but try to

how old are yours?

I have three children and have never found a problem with just asking the other two to play on their own/together in a different room for a while.

There are activities you could all do together but each child could get something different out of (e.g. game of snakes and ladders - little one rolls dice properly and moves counter where he's told without messing up everyone else's, middle child counts carefully to find out where their counter goes, eldest has to do mental addition. Or one child reads aloud and the others listen. Or you go on a country walk and collect/count/describe/identify things...)

I have 5 so very difficult to get 1 to 1 time.

Two little ones are 4 and 2. 2 year old gets it as he is on his own with me every morning when my 4 year old is at playgroup. 4 year old gets 1 to 1 when 2 year old is having afternoon nap....so not a lot of effort required there really.

My older 3 are 10.5, 13 and 15. I work 3 eves so when I get home I make a point always of sitting with dd and ds1 who are still up and asking about their day at school etc. Only 10 minutes but vital imo. ds2 aged 10 has me at his football matches on Sunday mornings so I guess that counts. dd gets to go shopping with me in town every now and again or otherwise we have a chocolate bingeing girls night in, in front of the tv now and again.

Whenever the older ones need clothes, I make a deal of it - hit the town, spend tons of cash and then go to pizza hut together. Might not happen often but I reckon those will be the things they remember when they are grown up!

Don't swweat it too much - you can only do what you can do.

1-2-1 is great, but often difficult when trying to juggle every day life.

Often though, a few minutes with each of them is enough on a day-to-day basis.

We certainly try to give the boys more 1-2-1 time and treats, and we do find that situations arise on an ad-hoc basis, but we accept that we're a family of five and it's not going to happen all the time.

3, 6 & 7.

The 'middle one' possitively glows even spending a short while alone. The difference in him is remarkable. All of them are a lot more pleasant also 1-2-1. It's really clear they benefit a lot. If I ever (seldomly cos dh hates them) see a 'parenting' programmes it always seems to come up mentioning spending 1-2-1 time, but maybe I'm being thick but I struggle to see how to realistically fit it in , I also think family time is important, and dh works such long hours, we don't see much of him in the week, so if he's 1-2-1 it's obv. going to be to the detriment of the others. Or do the benefits outweigh the advantages.

I just feel atm we do it 'as and when' too, but this usually means not at all often.

So was toying with the idea of maybe a fixed time but don't know how long & how often or how it would work, or what anyone else did or if they have any ideas.

Youngest gets most 1-2-1 as he's still at home most of the time with me, while older too are at school etc

I'm not worried or stressed out by it, just trying to get my arse into gear over all sorts of stuff inc mopping floors and this came into my mind cos I would like to do better in this area, so just sniffing round for ideas.

Like I say, ds2 seems to be often overlooked somehow, but he clearly blossoms and glows with 1-2-1, esp with daddy. But I'll do.

Hi cuppa - I think the points you raise here about 1-2-1's is v important. I think setting up some sort of weekly timetable would be useful say Mondays 6 > 6.30 is for child 2 therefore child 1 & 3 know that and can plan accordingly and child 2 can look forward to it? I think all children like some form of routine - and leave yourself wiggle room for possible situ's where you need to re-schedule. Good luck!

I spend time alone with my 9 month old baby while the others are at school/nursery

dd2 gets home at 1.30, so I have time with her while the baby is sleeping/dd1 is at school

in the evening I always read to dd1 and sit on her bed and chat

she also has swimming at 7pm on a friday, we always chat then and go and get some crisps after

oh and she goes horseriding without the others (i leave them with a childminder while I take her as it was proving a nightmare with all three)

if I have all three at home I spend 25 mins with each one, they have me until the buzzer goes off! they love this.

enid, that's the sort of thing I was wondering about! How often do you do the buzzer thing, what do you do with the other 2? How old are they - you say the youngest is 9 months.

well the youngest is either in her highchair in the kitchen while i sit at the table in the kitchen with dd1 (ok not TECHNICALLY alone with me) OR she is in bed asleep

dd2 is watching telly or on the pc, then vice versa

they have learned to wait. I am very strict about it.

they puff with self-importance if the other comes in and asks for a drink 'no I say 'you will have to wait until we have finished' god they loev that

awwww

I have four, aged 6 , 4 and 22 mnth dts. The dts soem times get one to one if one of them goes off to family for a few days. I try to make time for the older two after the babies go to bed. Don't manage it every night, but try to alternative between them. Or sometimes both twins go away at the weekend so we get more time for the older two.

That's the only thing is there's just me & dh, no family around to help out, and he's usually working late most of the week, sometimes getting in for bed time. I will try it, run the idea past them and they seem quite keen. We've added it to our weekly timetable