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Original poster

Another baby??

17 replies

magnum · 02/06/2004 08:57

I have one ds who is nearly 16 and a little dd of one. My ds grew up as an only child and dd will do the same as the age gap is so huge. Ds is more like a father to her than a playmate! I can't decide whether to try for another baby. I would love a little brother or sister for dd and really enjoy being a SAHM. Only problem is I'm feeling quite lonely at the moment. Don't know any other mums and don't have any family nearby. Having always worked full time am not used to feeling like this. Have lovely DH who would love another baby. I have agreed to start trying and really do want one, but am now wondering whether I will feel even more isolated with another. What would you do? (had unprotected sex last night, so really need to decide soon as usually get preg quickly)

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PandaBear · 02/06/2004 09:00

Magnum I really feel for you, loneliness is incredibly hard!!! As for trying for another, only you and your DH know if it is right for you or not. However, if you do try and are successful, why don't you look in your area to see if there are any ante-natal Yoga or swimming, or exercise classes. I did this when pregnant with DD, and met a lot of women in my area who had babies at about the same time as me - and I still keep in touch with them now. Good luck with whatever yuo decide to do!!

feezy · 02/06/2004 09:05

I think being a sahm when they are young islonelybut your dd is getting to an age where she would enjoy socializing a bit more -do you go to any groups, or swimming etc. It is only for a short peroid of time because once they start nursery you will make a whole new network of frends and you might meet some new people at antnatal clases etc. It sounds like you have already made up your mind !

Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:05

DH knows how I feel but he has said there is never a "right time". I waited 15 years for DD as I never felt we had enough money, big enough house, etc. He has suggested going to groups and I am trying to find some in my area but am having trouble at the moment. I would enjoy going to ante natal classes ie swimming, Yoga but I'd have dd in tow as well! Unless they hold them in the evenings.

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Fio2 · 02/06/2004 09:06

magnum I have just moved over 200 miles away from where I used to live and know no-one. I think if you want to meet new people you do have to make an effort. Go to mums and tots, swimming, gym sessions, walks in the park (you'd be suprised how many mums stop and talk to you).

As for having another, thats up to you. I had a 22month gap between mine and I did find it hard work. Still do really. But then again they do entertain one another

Fio2 · 02/06/2004 09:07

you dont live near me do you magnum? you could try a mumsnetter meet-up if you are brave enough as there is bound to be some near you

Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:10

It is all about making an effort. I'm one of those people that find it hard to speak to someone new. If they speak to me first I'm fine, but can be quite shy Have you started going to groups Fio2?

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gold123 · 02/06/2004 09:10

I agree with PandaBear - if this is what you want do it !

There are loads of classes out there available to you, ante-natal classes, NCT, I went to aqua natal classes and thought they were wonderful.

How old is your dd, will she be going to playgroup soon ? the only reason I have a number of friends now, is purely down to the social activities I do with the kids. Where do you live ?

Good luck with TTC

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magnum · 02/06/2004 09:11

Where abouts are you?

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Fio2 · 02/06/2004 09:13

I'm in Kent and no I havent been brave enough to start going to groups yet. I feel quite shy but come accross being really bolshy. I seem to come accross more confident than I am and then dont know what to talk about. I think the thing to remember is that other mums are in the same position as you. Most of them feel isolated so its just biting the bullet and getting out there (easy for me to say, when I am not doing it myself!)

whymummy · 02/06/2004 09:13

magnum i was just like you when i first had ds,we just moved to this area and i didn't know anyone i had bad PND and when i fell pregnant again i was happy and devastated at the same time,i was lonely and homesick and thought that having another baby would make things worse but it didn't, it was really hard at the begining but slowly i started making friends through ds's nursery then school,the joy of seeing them playing together was worth all the lonely first few years
HTH

Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:20

Fio2, I'm at the other end of the country in Blackpool (I don't think there are many MNs up here). Like you most people think I'm confident. In the workplace I always was but as a mum I'm not. (really don't know why). I am waiting for a list of M&B groups in my area to come through and will go when I find one. I know I will find it hard, but dd needs to see other people. I'm sure she's as bored as I am ! Some of your posts have made me think that maybe having another baby will help me meet people, and I do really want one deep down.

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gold123 · 02/06/2004 09:22

When you do get pregnant - I remember the NCT doing a thing called Bumps and Babes - don't know whether they still run these, I know you didn't have to be a member to go along.

My aqua-natal classes where in the evening, so dh was able to look after dd.

Tumble tots and jo jingles are good to take your dd too, the good thing about them is that you have to stay with your child, so you won't be in a situation where you will have to make conversations with others unless you choose too, and the more you go, the more confident you will feel to start up a conversation.

feezy · 02/06/2004 09:28

Magnum I'm only 20 mins away in Preston and would ome and visit you . I am a sahm and although all my children at schol -youngest is 5 I'm always on look out or new friends!

Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:28

gold123, I think its making that first step. I took dd along to a M&B group the other day at the local church hall. Spent all morning worrying about it, got brave and went along only to find they had changed it to another day and at a time when dd is sleeping. (she gets really grumpy if she doesn't get her sleep). I felt really deflated and have not been able to find another group locally. Hopefully the list I get will be helpful.

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Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:30

That would be great feezy. I didn't think there would be anyone close.

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Fio2 · 02/06/2004 09:31

I think jo jingles or tots swimming is a good start as you dont actually have to talk that much to other mums and could sit there silent if you wanted until you felt more confident. M&B are usually a bit cliquey as everyone knows each other but usually the person who runs it will come and talk to you anyway and if you carry on going it wont take long for you to meet new people.

Original poster

magnum · 02/06/2004 09:33

I'll have to go now as dd would like some attention Feezy, contact me if you would like to meet up and also anyone else who might be close. Thanks for all your advice

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