4 year old worrier

[Dingdingdong]

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how I could help my eldest DS who is 4 and a real worrier. He is a very intense child, not one for cuddles etc and really works himself up and worries about everything already

I am wondering if there is anything I could do to help him at all? It worries me (I get the irony) that he already seems to be anxious. He is also a perfectionist and gets very upset when he doesn't do things 'right'.

I had bad PND for over a year after his birth, and was on my own with him for the majority of that time. I have tried to control it but one of my symptoms ( which I still get) is anxiety. I feel so sad that this is probably partly my doing that he is how he is now.

I am even considering whether I should try and find someone he could see about this? I would be willing to pay for this - does anyone know if this is something a professional could help with and , if so, who I should be looking at?

I don't want to make too big a deal of it as it doesn't impact his life to the extent he can't do things, I just wonder if maybe I got him some help now it might nip this in the bud?

I'm watching this thread with interest as my DD is the same.

Please don't think your PND caused this, DH and I are chilled out and I wasn't stressed at all when she was born/young. Sometimes it's just who they are.

Following - DD is younger but also prone to being anxious and, funnily enough, not much of a cuddler either.

DS is the same. I didn't have PND. I worry a bit but I am not uber anxious as an adult. BUT I was a very anxious child so when DS is anxious I can almost intuitively tell why and what will help. Often for him, it's knowing what happens next and a set routine that helps. If we have to deviate, we have a quick chat and almost like an adult I say, so see here's the problem etc etc. In fact I find talking like an adult to him, taking his worries seriously and trying to find almost 'adult' solutions seems to have made a massive difference. I think it reassures him that I believe him and don't dismiss his worries. DH was and is very happy go lucky and finds this all very baffling.

Practical things. Worry monster teddy to eat his worries (write them out for him or ask him to draw them) or worry dolls to chat to. My Huge Bag of Worries (book) is good too. There is lots of advice online if you google 'anxiety in children' etc.

The NHS will likely not be interested unless he has other issues - sensory, speech, social skills. You might find a play therapist privately. Keep a diary of the kind of things he worries about, when it comes up and what helps.

I posted the above comment and then realised that a friend posted a good article on a FB group which you might find helpful:

blogs.psychcentral.com/stress-better/2016/03/49-phrases-to-calm-an-anxious-child/

With DD, we do lots of preparation before we go into a situation which I know will be anxiety inducing, including role playing interactions with other people. We also make plans together for how we're going to deal with difficult situations, so then if she starts to worry, I can talk her step by step through the plan.

Thanks very much everyone - will take a look.

I was also an anxious child so keen to help him as much as I can.

I hope this will reassure you. I have a 12 year old ds1 who has always been an intense worrier. He has never liked cuddles, and would meltdown if he felt he had not achieved what he was able to do.

I don't know if you also have problems with nightmares, and maybe sensory issues like dislike of crowds or noises?

I have found that it is a case of trying to keep one step ahead of him. We found things he enjoys, and is good at to build his confidence. We worked closely with his nursery, and then school, to provide him with the security and space he needs.

I now have a strapping, much more secure and relaxed 12 year old, who has found his place in the world. He still gets anxious, particularly with new things, and his secondary have set up some low key counselling for him.

The Highly Sensitive Child book may help.

lenibose - that is interesting as I also find myself talking him through things in a quite adult like way. And I too have a DH and a younger DC who are extremely happy go lucky and find it totally baffling!

sunny thank -you, interestingly yes he does also have nightmares, he is ok with crowds but sensitive to things like tiny bits of fluff or loose threads on clothes etc. I will definitely explore further how I can help him and maybe discuss with his nursery ( particularly as he starts school in September).

Thanks again to everyone for taking the time to reply.