The one piece of advice you wish you'd received

[BexusSugarush]

My friend is 6 months pregnant and asked me for any first time parenting advice they don't tell you about in the books. Well, despite antenatal classes, family, friends and baby books, somehow I missed the single piece of advice that could have completely changed my dd's early life:

A breastfed baby will likely spend their entire first few weeks at the breast when awake.

No one thought to tell me that they feed differently to bottle-fed babies; it's not just one feed and then wait a few hours for the next. If I'd known that when my newborn cried she wanted the breast, we could have saved ourselves weight-loss, hospitalisation, formula top-ups, lactation consultants etc etc. That is my major (and in hindsight, completely obvious) piece of advice for her.

What one piece of advice do you think would have prepared you better for those first weeks with a new baby?

Most babies don't just fall asleep when they're tired.

This. And as an extension to this; babies need to nap every 90 minutes or so. If they're still awake - try feeding or rocking them. An overtired baby is a cranky, hysterical baby. Don't let them get that tired, be aware of your timings and it will help both you and your baby get some much needed rest.

Rock them from the hips! You'll get waaay better wind up if you treat them as hinged at the hips, rather than rub/pat their back. Could've saved me endless projectile vomit cleanup with dd1!

I read this advice (I can't remember where) - when they're a newborn, just give things two weeks. I found BFing a struggle (my milk was late coming in, and then he wasn't latching properly) so I saw a lactation consultant but also thought - just give it two weeks, if it still sucks give up. I found it helped because they go through so many changes, you can be going through a nightmare time with feeding / sleeping whatever, but within two weeks it's passed.

The other thing is to eat properly! I had an EMCS and in the first 48 hours was advised to only have light meals (so lots of chicken soup) and I continued that way after being discharged but it meant that while I was trying to establish feeding and recove from birth, my body was starving. My milk was delayed coming in but after a decent meal and a nap I woke up with very full boobs.

That it's completely normal to eat cake, for breakfast, at 3am. That it's ok if you haven't showered that day. That it's ok, and your baby won't melt or explode, if you take five minutes to shower and clean your teeth while the baby screams. That it's ok to thrust the baby into your other half's bewildered arms the moment they get in from work so you can run screaming with your fingers in your ears to another room where no-one can touch you.

Ok so that's four bits but hey

Oh yes Really - DH is well trained now, he doesn't go into the kitchen and start pottering about when he gets home, he runs straight upstairs shouting "I'm just going to get changed!" Then comes and takes the baby off me. Perfect.

You might not fall utterly in love with your baby the second they're placed in your arms. Sometimes you need to get to know each other and fall in love.

Tiny babies don't need as much stimulation as you think. It's okay to sit and watch six hours of Downton Abbey while holding the baby and breastfeeding.

Do whatever it takes to get through the day and screw everything else. You'd be surprised at how many parents are doing this very thing...

However hard the stage you are in, it is only very temporary. How ever hard it is, it will very likely be better very soon.

If you are breastfeeding and the baby is feeding all the time, it almost certainly isn't because you need to switch to formula because you don't have enough milk. It's because your baby is actively working to increase your supply - most likely at the start of a growth spurt.

Totally agree with some of the other advice on this thread too - particularly that babies very often need help to go to sleep and can't be awake for very long at all without getting overtired. (And when they do sleep all the time and easily for the first two weeks, don't be lulled into a false sense of security - they wake up after two weeks, just as DH goes back to work!)

Don't stress about baby groups, unless you want to do them, for the first few months. Instead enjoy meeting people for coffee, even trips to a museum if your baby is the sleep anywhere type - all things that become so much less enjoyable once they are on the move...!

Relax and do it your way.

God yes about the naps thing. I thought a newborn would just drop off asleep if they were tired. They were a newborn, how could they not? I shudder to think how many overtired meltdowns we just walked into cos we didn't realise you have to force them to nap every 90 mins.

Oh and if you have an oversupply that is choking your baby and causing utter misery, pop a Sudafed occasionally to keep it down to comfortable levels. You won't see that written anywhere, that's for sure.

Fill your freezer full of meals. It will help build you up after the birth and keep you well during those early weeks.

That you will always meet one dickhead at baby groups who will sit with a smug smile telling you that you are shit and your child is shit compared to her golden chi!d. Grr!

If BF is difficult, and especially if your baby has bad wind, get checked for tongue tie.

They need help to sleep, and they need lots of sleep. It's normal to have to help them to nap (whatever Gina Sodding Ford might tell you) and the main thing is to avoid overtiredness at all costs.

It gets better

A breastfed baby will likely spend their entire first few weeks at the breast when awake Essentially babies are little mammals. We have become so disconnected from the basics that we intellectualise things too much.
Also it's ok not to breastfeed. You may not have enough milk. You are more attuned to your baby than a HV, relative or a book. Enjoy your baby!

You can read all the books you want but the baby won't have read any of them so won't have a clue what they are 'supposed' to do in response to what you do.

I would also recommend going (if you have the option) to baby screenings at the movies. I really wish I'd remembered that they'd existed before.

Sitting in the dark, eating chocolate and watching movies with your baby, being able to feed them, change them and bounce them around whenever you need - bliss