5 year old becoming dangerous to be around

[Figamol]

I need some advice/insight if anyone can help me. I have 3 kids, the youngest autistic and in early intervention. The second who is nearly 5 is just causing us some real problems. I can only describe him as 'impulsive' in both good and bad moods. When he's super happy or furious it can be like he leaves his body and has no sense of himself. He's also crippling shy until he feels comfortable and then he's like a pocket rocket.

School has been difficult for the last 18 months, nothing dramatic until recently. Bit of a fidget, won't stop talking, not always playing appropriately. I do think he's quite bright and very keen to learn but his left-handedness hinders his staying power for colouring etc.

At home, he's always been a bit quick-tempered and hugely jealous of his brother and sister when they get attention. He's very quick to hit out physically but can be super company and LOVES when he feels helpful. He's a fussy eater and has to fly around the house jumping off everything and falls asleep punching the air. He also hates if he feels anyone is laughing at him and goes crazy.

The last 3 weeks however his anger has ramped up massively. He's been to the headmaster twice at school for biting and for throwing a box at a kid. In his defence I'm pretty sure he's usually provoked but he has extreme reactions. The teacher has told me it can't go on as he is too dangerous to have around whilst he insists on throwing stuff etc. He even throws stuff in a good mood.

At home is awful, he wakes up in a bad mood. And the slightest thing can send him into meltdown for over an hour. The way his food is cut, or that we're not going to the toy shop. He hits me constantly and has trashed his bedroom and anything else he can get his hands on. At drop off at my other kids creche they had to put him in a room whilst he threw chairs around until he was able to wear out and calm down. Yesterday however he tried to bottle me with an empty wine bottle and I'm just becoming nervous of how far this is going.

I took him to a psychologist on Friday and she's trying to deal with immediate anger vs naughty behaviour. But I havent had a discussion as to what we're dealing with, is it ADHD, or autism or aspergers and just an insane case of anger management. We do our best to give him one on one time but the minute he's home from something fun it all goes wrong again.

That sounds really tough and I've nothing to offer you apart from a . You might get more answers if you ask MNHQ to move this to the special needs section.

It almost sounds like autism symptoms, and could well be. No two children with autism will display exactly the same things, so I wouldn't rule it out. However it could be a need for attention, and a feeling of being out of control? Have the teachers noticed of anything particular triggers it?

I think the psychologist is a good idea, potentially it could be worth speaking to a health visitor, they can contact the school and also refer you (I'm sure you know the usual, paediatrician, Senco, speech and language) just to observe little one's behaviour and see if there's any way they can support.

In the meantime, lots of love and cuddles, try and be consistent and don't blame yourself if they have a bad day.

Good luck lovely!

Yes I'm desperate to avoid putting a label on it for now as it could simply be a very extreme reaction to feelings he's not able to express. I'd like to try deal with the behaviours first and see if we can make some improvement there. My other son is more typically autistic so I had thought it wasn't even a possibility although its been a running joke with my husband that when we're doing the ADOS questionnaires, he also ticks lot of boxes.

That said there's a lot going on at home, a few changes with work etc and the atmosphere has been stressed with a first dose of depression (mine, and managed now). But a few of these behaviours pre date that.

I've just booked an appt with his paediatrician, good idea. Maybe she has some thoughts also.