help, how should i handle this?

[linzoid]

I may be overreacting i don't know, feeling low at the moment and easily flying off the handle. My 5yr old ds was at a birthday party yesterday and swore at the table, the f word ! I dragged him off into the kitchen and really lost it with him. i hugged him later and had a talk with him and he said he was sorry etc. Just been playing out and ds1 has come in to tell me ds2 has called him a F*ER. I am shocked! I have just gone mad big time and thrown him in bed, smacked him aswell so i feel absolutelty terrible
I am normslly pretty close to ds2 and i feel that i should go make friends but i did that yesterday and i'm thinking it might make him think what he said wasn't that bad. What should i do?

From the experience of having a five year old at the moment I know it comes from other kids at school. But I have found with my child who doesn't seem to worry about consequences that talking calmly works and telling him why rude words aren't acceptable.

Maybe once you've calmed down you should go and have a chat.

Our 3 1/2 year old does this and we try to ignore him. We think he doesn't understand what he is saying and the more attention we draw to it the more he will say it. They pick up this language from other kids.

The point is, do you think he understands what he is saying? That's the main thing. If he doesn't understand then he is being punished harshly and is still none the wiser. If you really think he does understand then he is doing it just to wind you up and so you do have to be firm. I would have thought at five he wouldn't understand, but you are the one that knows your child.

I don't have much experience of 5 year olds but Flip's advice sounds very sensible.

Good luck.

DD is only 3 and has displayed a colourful vocabulary at times (all courtesy of mummy and daddy ). I imagine that your DS will not know that this word is any different to "poo-poo head" or the other phrases that they come out with and probably don't get such an extreme reaction to.

We found that saying quietly and firmly "that's not a nice word, we don't say that word" the first time it was used (in a day) and then ignoring any repetitions eliminated its use quite quickly. We adopted similar tactics for the "childish" insults that many parents don't seem too bothered about so the "adult" insults didn't become especially intriguing. The phase has passed for now, DH and i just need to wsh our own mouths out!

my mum used to use soap and water, without a ord she would take us to the sink, and then put us into the toilet, holding the door until we apologised, I remember all of us getting it only once as we stopped straight away.
Luckily my ds has never had a go at swearing for effect as yet and now he's 10 it is easier to discipline in some ways.
I'd try and make less of a show about it. The reaction is part of the thrill of trying it and avoiding being caught.
I so sympathise it is very very testing at times...