baby in nursery

[cornishglos]

Before I start I really don't mean to judge or offend. I fully expect to put my baby in a nursery but. ..

I hate the idea. My first went to a childminder and I loved that. But now I am about to finish mat leave with number two. My first is still small (just 2). It seems sensible to put them both in nursery as the hours are better and the bigger one will get more out of it. I don't want to be doing 2 drop-offs in the morning.

But I can't get my head around leaving my baby in a nursery all day. She'll be 10 months.

Please reassure me that she'll get enough attention, cuddles, nose wiping, milk, won't be made to eat like a toddler, won't be left to crawl around putting dirty toys in her mouth...

Or convince me this will happen and I need to find an alternative? Or am I being silly?

I already feel so much guilt at going back to.work. I know that's normal but I didn't feel like this about the childminder.

Thanks

Would it be feasible for them both to go to a childminder but have your eldest taken to pre-school for a few hours in the morn or afternoon by the childminder and picked up by them for the rest of the day? I know friends did this once their 3 year old started getting 15 free childcare hours so they were used at the pre-school and childminder did drop off and pick up. I am not sure how feasible it is/ if a childminder would go for that but thought it was worth suggesting.

Have you visited the nursery? Do they have a baby room?
My dd will be going to nursery at 10m she will be in a baby room with a dedicated key worker the ration is key worker:2babies

Have you any friends or know anyone with a baby in local nursery who can recommend? We've gone off recommendation from a friend of ours whose dd was also 10m when she started this nursery and is thriving

I completely understand your worries and concerns here op I've felt the same

Posted before adding-

If nursery is what works best though, choose one that you are happy with and I think your baby will honestly be very well looked after there.

I don't have the answers bit just wanted to send some empathy. It's really tough making childcare decisions, especially for little ones so young. If you find the right nursery you'll be confident in her care being OK, although there will probably be a bit of crawling around eating toys as well as lots of cuddles. Hoping you find peace in your decision xxx

Have you considered costs of a nanny? They are often cheaper than two in nursery. Especially if you have space for them to live in ( I would consider moving both children into your bedroom even for another year or two to allow for nanny bedroom if needed)

Also benefits of nanny live in or out is obviously you don't have to get them up and ready to leave early, and they can stay in bed if tired. Nanny will also have when children are ill

It's so hard leaving them at nursery, I completely see where you're coming from.

We went to visit our local nursery and loved it, I was full confident DD would get the best care but it was SO hard. I cried buckets.

Fast forward three months and she loves it. She cried the first few times we took her in but quickly settled. Now she hardly ever cries, enjoys her days but always looks delighted to see me.

Our nursery use an app which they update throughout the day with activities, photos, nappy log and a log of what they've eaten. It keeps me sane when I'm at work worrying about her.

I really think nursery is the best for them, it gives them great social skills, you get an impartial professional view of their development and things to work on, they learn self motivation and it sets them up for school.

DD's nursery is not perfect (see my earlier thread about them not changing her nappy all morning ) but there's plenty of cuddles. The manager and finance lady are often found in the baby/toddler rooms because they fancied a cuddle.

If you prefer the idea of a childminder though, use a childminder, otherwise you'll constantly be looking for stuff going wrong. They've usually got several preschoolers and once your eldest is 3 they can go to a preschool in term time, I don't think they'll be bored

My DD (now 3) went to nursery from 6 months. They were brilliant with her - held her nearly all the time, followed her cues for feeding and napping, I left breast milk for them to feed her. They keep a little journal of what and how she did each day for us to read. She did brilliantly. Nurseries are equipped and the staff trained to handle babies as well as toddlers.

My DD (now 3) went to nursery from 6 months. They were brilliant with her - held her nearly all the time, followed her cues for feeding and napping, I left breast milk for them to feed her. They keep a little journal of what and how she did each day for us to read. She did brilliantly. Nurseries are equipped and the staff trained to handle babies as well as toddlers.

My DD (now 3) went to nursery from 6 months. They were brilliant with her - held her nearly all the time, followed her cues for feeding and napping, I left breast milk for them to feed her. They keep a little journal of what and how she did each day for us to read. She did brilliantly. Nurseries are equipped and the staff trained to handle babies as well as toddlers.

Argh, sorry for multiple posts!

My DS went in from 7 months and has absolutely loved it from day 1. Yes, he probably puts dirty toys in his mouth but then at home he'd eat off the floor if I'd let him

He loved his key worker though and got lots of cuddles. He ate more interesting food at nursery than at home and he just had such a great time. He's in the toddler room now and when I go to pick him up he shakes his head and runs away to continue playing It's been the best thing for him and I'm about to increase his days as he's getting so much out of it.

Thank you all for your kind responses. I hadn't considered the preschool/ childminder drop-off option. I like that idea. The annoying thing is that I still don't know my working days (likely to be 3 per week),so it's hard to organise.
The older one has actually started this week at the nursery and loves it. I did this so we could both get used to it before he has to start in September, and to give me some time with the baby. It's a lovely nursery but a bit run down, and I am a cleanliness freak hence my worries about dirty toys!

Sorry, I forgot to address the others responses. I like the idea of a nanny but my husband says absolutely not, he wouldn't like having someone live with us.
And though our old childminder was fantastic, I did feel he was getting bored there at nearly 2 years old so I wouldn't want him there now. He's very sociable.

Most nannies aren't live in these days, you know, unless you specific a live-in nanny. I know people who've used them and they haven't lived in.

Yes nannies can be live in or out. Most are live out if that's an option. Live in is genrally a bit cheaper and more flexible hence many go down that route. But I wouldn't exclude a nanny living out, they can take children to groups/ classes/ friends/ doctors/ whatever

Another option cost wise is a shared live out nanny. Basically nanny receives more per hr usually but cost is split in half by two families so cheaper per family. So instead of costing you say £11 per hr, nanny would cost £14, but divided by two families so £7 per family. You decide between you and other family how to split at each house .best usually 1 week at one house, 1 week at other. Means nanny will help every other week with kids laundry/ bedding etc at each house, but in exchange each house gets messy with toys alternate weeks!

My nursery baby room has a lower ratio than many childminders and is absolutely parent/baby led. Lots of cuddles. Room looks home-like.

It's quite a different environment from the big kid room. DD loved it, really really loves her key worker.

When I looked round for childcare I actually found it as the most 'fluffy' of all the options I saw. It's just a normal one in a children's centre too, so I'm sure there are plenty more out there.

One of the staff at the nursery I used left to become a live out nanny to two little boys

It is worth considering - I went down the nursery route and for two children the nursery fee was more than the mortgage.

Ask your husband if he is going to be the one taking time off work for things like conjunctivitis when the nursery won't take them. There are times when parents have to be there when children are ill, but as someone said earlier there are times when the nanny could care for them.

Thanks again. Our childcare fees
are double our mortgage!
I know there are not many nannies around here as I looked at childminders etc in our area first time around. I couldn't find anyone and use childcare close to work instead.
To be honest I think nursery is right for the bigger one. It's just the baby. Lots of practical suggestions though. Thank you.

Having worked in baby rooms at nursery, it really does vary between nurseries so it is important to visit and spend time there if you can. Sit on the floor, have baby with you. I always preferred working in the small nurseries, sometimes they just had two rooms - one for under 2's and one for all others.

The preschool/ childminder drop-off option is worth exploring. It is very common for childminders to do, though it often won't save you money as the childminder will remain responsible for your child whilst at pre-school - if something was to happen you would want the childminder to collect them.

A nanny is a more costly option usually, though nannies work different hours and so can appeal to parents who need varying hours and hours that other providers do not cover. With 3 children then a nanny is far more viable.

A nanny does not live with you - as a nanny I have not ever lived with a family... I arrive in the morning and leave in the evening, or whatever times I am working that day. I nanny 3 days per week and quite like doing just a few days not all week - so once you know what days you do need childcare, then you can start seeing what options are available, given your requirements and budget.

I don't know why people are so reluctant to use a good nursery with a baby room. All the CMs I see at activities just dump the babies in car seats and leave them to it.

Our nursery has a separate baby sleeping room with cots and blackout blinds, age appropriate toys and activities and no fear of being trampled over by older kids. Lots of cuddles and snuggles all round too.

I have never seen a CM do that, and I was at home with DD for 2 years and saw a lot of CMs.

People prefer CMs and nannies because of the home environment.

Obviously it's a question of the OP (and her DH, childcare is not solely a mother's responsibility) checking out the options in her area.

My dd is in a nursery since just before six months. There was 5 under ones and 2 minders there. They were amazing managed her reflux, gave her an excellent napping routine. I popped in one day ( I work next door) unexpectedly as we had a family emergency and she was doing sensory play with custard and jelly looking so happy. Would have also liked a childminder but this was the best option for us. Good luck with your decision.

I feel for you OP! I loved my childminder when I was growing up - she's still a good friend and like a second mum to me so was desperate to find a similar set up for my dd. It wasn't to be though, all the local childminders were either full or weren't right for us.

The first nursery we viewed I left in tears vowing to quit my job and train as a childminder myself and I don't usually have a flair for the dramatic!

After seeing another couple of nurseries we found 'the one'. Honestly my daughter loves it she gets excited as we drive up and always greets the staff with a huge smile. The place is spotless and I know they must be forever wiping the changing mat because my dd insists on wiping the one at home now before I change her :)

Like another poster said, our nursery is really good at keeping us updated with what dd has been doing and we get sent regular updates and photos via an app.

You'll find somewhere or someone that feels right - hang in there!