Please help am losing the will to live!! (bit long)

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Sorry for ranty title am just so tired and stressed and beyond it at the moment so will try and order my message So it doesn't read like a mad woman's nonsensical witterings after a bottle of wine (which actually is quite an accurate description of me atm).

I have dd who is 2.3 and Ds who is 8 mos and they are both driving me to f*ing distraction at the minute! will start with Ds as this is where most of my probs/concerns are right now.

He was a perfectly happy contented baby until around a month ago when he just became a milk/food monster and hasn't stopped since. I can't lift him anymore as he has moved up to the 99th centile due to the fact that all he does is whinge and moan for food/bottle all day even after he has just finished a meal or bottle. He has been on special milk since birth due to cmpi (not sure if relevant but trying not to drip feed if you'll excuse the pun). He doesn't move at all - despite putting him on his tummy/toys out of reach etc, he seems to have no motivation. Think this is due to dd putting toys in front of him and no real need for him to move but obviously he's just getting bigger and bigger. Have no concerns over rest of his development - smiles and interacts loads, clapping etc just doesn't seem at all fussed about moving and cries/fusses to be picked up after 5 mins on the floor. As a result he is bored much of the day and not using any energy so still feeding two or three times a night which is just wearing me out on top of his daytime needs. Am taking him bk to HV on thurs to be weighed again as they seemed concerned last time about his weight and non moving, and tbh I'm finding their concern really stressful right now and seems to have ramped up my own worrying about the fact that I am turning poor Ds in to an obese, floor-bound chunk who can't move himself.

Add to this his whirlwind two year old sis (nursery two days per wk praise the Lord) who has taken to being extra clingy, crying over absolutely nothing and waking in the night two or three times refusing to go bk to sleep unless myself or dp lie in her room with her until she falls asleep. Been a bit ill lately so this may be why but it has continued and it is relentless as even familiar friends and family can't help out as she goes crazy unless she is with myself or Dp. Still happy for us to leave her at nursery though for some reason.

Dp is really helpful but we are at the back breaking end of our tethers. The demands all through the day without a break added to no sleep is just wearing me down and I'm starting to feel depressed and like I just want to go bk to work and leave all this behind (would need to find a job first though as was just qualifying in my field when I had Ds).

I just feel like I have no control over anything with them - no routine for Ds as it seems impossible to do unless we just stay in which makes me feel even lower and which dd doesn't like as she wants to go to soft play etc. His naps are so hit and miss which may be contributing to night time, having said this he usually gets a good couple of hours in the daytime despite being lugged around to groups etc.

This is long I realise and I really appreciate if anyone has stayed the distance and read this, I feel a bit better already just writing it all down. If anyone has any experience, words or encouragement or anything else I would love to hear from you. I promise I am not this maudlin usually, just want a bit of myself back and to feel like I'm doing an ok job. Thought it would be easier second time round but oh god it's soooo much harder 😩😩😩

Funny you should say that Pink as I just retrieved dd1's old walker out of the shed for him this avo. Here's hoping...

Good luck for a better tomorrow - now get to sleep!

Tbh that doesn't sound like a lot of solids my ds ate every 2-3 hrs while awake and most were little meals at that age. It is bloody constant. I tended to make a couple of things in the evening I.e. Our dinner leftovers, omelette, noodles, etc and just put bits together from the fridge as needed. I always gave porridge last thing at night which helped alot with dropping night feeds. He was also big and didn't crawl until 11 months but that's just his percentile so where he should be.

Thanks everyone, got a slightly better sleep - went in to dd for 15 mins at 11 and then fed Ds when he woke at 12 for a feed. They both woke at 5 which is pretty usual for them but I feel like I had a good few hrs at least. Maybe it really is time to drop dd's nap (massively reluctant as she is so high needs in the day and really appreciate the break).

Winchester perhaps I need to feed him more - did your Ds eat all of that plus have around 5 bottles a day and at night? It seems so much but like I said maybe I need to reset my expectations.

I know I have reached the point where I really just need a break so trying to work out how I can do that moving forward - whether I do really need to think about getting a part time job which I think will be tricky in my field or nursery for Ds one day per wk which will be a stretch financially for us.

Hey OP my DS2 is 9mo and 98th centile for weight. He has gone up from 91st centile since weaning. He was 91st at birth.

His daily food intake sounds similar to your DS but mine doesn't have milk overnight any more (although we only dropped the 10pm dream feed a couple of weeks ago). Sometimes we will end up giving DS a bottle in the night to settle him if ignoring him for 4-5 mins/a quick cuddle doesn't work. But he doesn't normally have it any more.

In case it's interesting this is my DS's typical day:

Up at 0530 FML.
0645 - breakfast, one weetabix with whole milk and a slice of toast with peanut butter
1100 - 5-6oz milk and a large rice cake.
1230 - lunch: cheese and grated Apple sandwich made with 2 slices of bread. Whole adult sized portion of full fat Greek yoghurt.
1600 - 4oz milk
1730 - dinner large portion of spaghetti bolognese with grated cheese. Fruit pot pudding.
1900 - 7oz bedtime bottle.

He honestly eats portions that would satisfy a small adult...! But as you can see he has really cut back on his milk since weaning. He has done this himself but perhaps you need to force the issue with your DS? Maybe speak to Gp first in case there is a medical (reflux?) issue for this constant demanding food?

Thanks Bot that's really useful. It seems like your Ds is doing thr natural thing of picking up his food intake and slowly dropping milk, which is what my dd did and which is what I thought would naturally happen with Ds.

So I fed him quite a bit yesterday - weetabix, banana and toast for brek, fish pie and alpro yog for lunch, breadstick for snack and then some more fishpie in evening. Didn't have energy to cook so he also had some pizza crusts at p express with his dinner (quite a few of them) and then proceeded to have an absolutely AWFUL night - awake every hr and a half fussing and uncomfortable.

What am I doing wrong? Just feel like no matter what I do I can't get it right.

Oh it's so tough when they are that age. It does sound like reflux to me. Especially the bit about the pizza bits and uncomfortable nights. Could you try infant gaviscon in his night time bottle? My DS was similar in that the reflux seemed to pass and then come back with a vengeance once he was on solids. I found some foods triggered it (took me aaaggges to finally make the connection). If he had a busy day with pizza and some treats he'd have an awful night. The gaviscon helped him. He's 2.5yrs now and he still can't eat buns. Don't beat yourself up this is a very tough and tiring stage with 2. I remember around that time thing I just couldn't face going through another day of the whinging and demanding I felt I had nothing left. It does pass with time. I know at the moment sleep is everything but is there a way you can get out solo at the weekends when your DP is around and just go for a swim or something. The mental break is as good as sleep honestly it saved me to have that to look forward to when days were pretty unrelenting. As for your DD the sleep will return honestly. My DD was older (3) but the same waking etc. It takes a while to settle down. On nights my OH was working I just had DS in the cot beside me and DD in bed with me just to save me getting up and down so much.
Re the whinging of your DS to be picked up etc. I was the same I couldn't bare it and used to pick him up but then I decided to leave him just for a minute or two and eventually he lasted longer/didn't give out as quickly - now whether that's down to leaving him for a few mins giving out or that stage just passing is anyone's guess. I used to give myself a task - laundry, emptying dishwasher etc and say I would finish that before I'd pick him up and move him. It helped me. Stick with the jumperoo too it's brilliant once they get into it. Just know you're not alone or a bad mum it's a really tough stage

Thanks Always that's a really helpful post. I didn't realise reflux would rear its head again once he was on solids, in fact most people told me that solids would help the problem! Seems that's not the case. I have some gaviscon from last time that I will try in his bottles. You're right about the mends, break, I have been thinking about joining the gym and think I will do it. They have a Creche too do would be able to put Ds in there on the days dd is in nursery. Again thanks for your post, it's really helpful.

I hope it's somewhat helpful. Everyone said the same to us re the reflux that solids would solve it all. Not so for either of my kids. DS is 2.5yrs now and still gets bouts - mainly triggered by certain foods.
The gym is a great idea. You need to be you even just for a short while it'll really help. I just liked the not being needed for half an hour
Best of luck and this too will pass