sometimes I just can't stop myself being mean

[slayerette]

and even though I can hear myself being unfair or bad-tempered I just can't pull back. I feel really guilty because DS isn't a bad little boy - he's 3 and tries really hard to be good 99% of the time. But sometimes I just want to be left alone, or not followed everywhere and I snap at him. And he broke a toy he had for Christmas and I'm so cross even though I know it was an accident. I'm worried I'm going to start making him insecure if I can't control my mood swings (not hormonal or anything - just some days I get out of the wrong side of the bed IYKWIM). Sorry to ramble. Any advice?

If you can bring yourself to fake being cheerful, to fake being a "good mum" (whatever that means to you), then sometimes that's enough to pull yourself back from a bad mood, in my experience.

The thing is, yes, ok, you're having a shitty day, we all do, but snapping at your kid isn't ever going to improve your mood, is it.

You always have to ask yourself what kind of person you want him to be and try and react in that way (I know that sounds patronsing!) It's what I think of anyway.

Understand about being followed around and having no space - I get shouted at thru the bathroom door, walked in on when I'm changing, constantly chattered at when I'm cooking the tea, in fact I have one on my knee right now pointing to every single one of the face icons shouting 'Mr Happy! Look Mummy, Mr Happy, Mr Happy, look a blue one, look a gween one...' over and over.

When I get to the point when I just want to scream at them all, I start singing really loudly 'Bring me sunshine...' or something equally manically ridiculous and it just reminds me to keep smiling...

I like the idea about singing - I'll try that, definitely!

never be afraid to apologise when you've been out of order and explain that it wasn't fair

I think that apolgising is really important too, it shows them that they are people who deserve respect.
I lost it with my dd the other night when at 2am she was refusing to go to sleep!!Afterwards I apologised to her as I know I scared her and that is not ok

i think most mums lose it sometimes, either through being so very tired or stressed at the amount of stuff they need to get through and look after the kids, i just apologised to my daughter just now for waking up in a bad mood and getting cross because she did a poo, i changed her nappy and then she did one 10 minutes later. Thats not naughty, she is not even two yet but my 6 month old was crying too and i just got stressed out and snapped at her. Once i got a grip on myself and reminded myself who is the adult and who is just a baby that doesnt know any better i felt horrible and gave her a big hug and told her i loved her and that i was 'bad mummy for shouting' and i was sorry. She said...luff you mumum. bless her. made me feel worse for being a moo. so yeah anyways, dont beat yourself up too much, but definately apologise and try explain why you reacted like that.

Feeling stressed, annoyed, frustrated, tired etc are all normal feelings (that unfortunately come in abundance in that goody-bag they give you at the hospital - well that's my theory anyway - infact do they still hand out goody-bags?)
I have discovered recently that I have made the mistake of hiding all these feelings. I don't show my frustration or anger etc, instead I deal with it all quietly..to my myself.
We need to show our children our feelings, although they must be expressed in an appropriate manner, because we are the ones they learn from. If they don't witness mum getting cross or frustrated when they themselves become frustrated or cross they have no idea how to deal with the feeling.
So, it's ok to let him know that you are tired or annoyed that the dinner has burnt etc and along with an apology if you blamed the wrong person or over-reacted your DS should be learning some healthy lessons.
If for example something gets broken, try to think how you would prefer your DS to react to such an event and then react that way yourself. It's not easy to change our ways, I'm struggling too.

As for the desire to have time to ourselves - sorry, there is no cure for that one! My DS is at school now BUT I now have the cat nudging me to try and play on the keyboard and whenever I go to the loo or the kitchen the dog follows CLOSELY at my heels.
I recall a few years ago a friend of mine who has 3 boys (close in age) and she just give up and actually placed chairs for them in the bathroom. Never again shall we pee in peace

If a time comes where DS goes to a friend's for a couple of hours, do I enjoy the time to myself? No, I sit here and miss him! ...there is no hope Try to find humour in the situation.

Thank you sixlostmonkeys - that does help put it all in perspective. And you're so right - when his dad takes him swimming or something, I enjoy the peace for an hour or so and then wonder when they're getting back! It doesn't help that I'm stressed about work at the mo (part time and not sure if contract will be renewed) but know that it's not fair to take it out on him. Anyway, since I posted despairingly on Mon, he's been angelic and DH sent me flowers out of the blue yesterday so I think sometimes it's helpful to show how tired and frustrated you are!

Mum's are not super human whatever the world may believe. We have moments of bad behaviour too. Like we forgive our babies and the rest of the family for not being perfect, I guess we should forgive ourselves for not being able to cope sometimes. But also remember to sincerely apologize with a hug and a kiss. I always apologize to my kids when I lose my temper and invariably he says "it's ok mum, i love".