Trying to keep head above water: some reassurance needed

[JustSometimes]

Having one of those weeks/months...forgive me!
I am so close to the end of my tether. I work 3 sometimes 4 days per week; it's a demanding job with pressure to suceed in a male dominated job. I've just been offered temporary promotion to look after a team of 22 which is great in the career domaine. DH is very pleased as he wants more time at home, so promotion is very much part of the general plan. Downside: longer hours; a very tired Mummy comes in from work to find fed up DH who wants to hand over DS before I've even had time to change; DS 16 months shouts Mama all day long and now waking up at night shouting MAma. The house isn't a 'mess' but certainly could do with a dusting / de-cobweb and after the second week of up every two hours at night because DS has a cough / cold and teething, I'm starting to get frustrated. DS won't eat his solids at the moment - try and get a spoon near his mouth and it goes everywhere. Fingerfoods won't work either. Result: relies on milk which he's refusing to have except from a bottle. 3am Gets hungry during the night - feed - won't settle 5:45am Mummy gets back into bed for a 6.30 up and go.

Just wondering, how to change the cycle I'm in with DS at least! Have any of you working Mums need to take time off to establish a routine? I can't really afford to take time off, but neither can I leave it to DH as he sees it at critiscim if I ask him to be firm on a routine that involves DS vocalising his discontent. I really want to establish a don't cling onto Mummy and grab me all the time to both parties and to put in earplugs at the moment and run away....

Coming from a normally ordered and can deal with nearly everything woman it sounds pathetic doesn't it?

This sounds really hard for you I really sympathise but I didn't work when my ds was this age so what I say is partly about my working friends. But I found this age challenging and I was home full time! It's difficult to get anything done - they are so so so so so demanding - which is fine but it's hard to realise how difficult it is for the one at home (who might not have your multi tasking skills) as well as the one at work.
It sounds like it might help to have much more talking about how things are working in a loving and supportive way but putting across: I just can't take over the moment I walk in the door. What does DH need more of? Is he finding it lonely/unstimulating and not admitting it? Could he do with a little more support during the day? Toddler groups or maybe even some babysitting to give him a psychological break? Full time childcare can drive some people completely crazy! Maybe if he felt more confident then he could set up more of a routine.
The only other advice I'd give is that most of the parents I know with whatever childcare set up found having a young child a bigger shock than they were prepared for - broken nights being the most debilitating thing of all! Good luck - it does get easier, this is a tough tough age.

Also, just for what it's worth, for people that find it hard ( I was one of them ) just getting through the day alone with a toddler seemed like an achievement for me on occasion; not something my dh could ever understand having done a busy day at the office with all the stress of responsibility etc!

From one working woman to another firstly no, it's not at all pathetic, it's bloody hard to work on little sleep and it's annoying to come home every day to the realisation that your other half doesn't multi-task like you do and then have to bite your lip about it.
If it was me I'd have a 'summit' with dh and agree a plan of action together which you both commit to following through. I'd try hard to get ds sleeping through the night again - will he eat yogurt? weetabix? try to find something he'll take from you (or does he want to try feeding himself mushy stuff now ?) and make sure he has loads of it at tea time, usual bedtime routine with a bottle and then I'd play hard mummy at night and not feed him and go into him as little as possible.
The main thing is that you have to be united in the approach to getting a good night's sleep. It's great that your dh wants you to get on at work but if he wants the time at home he'll have to agree to working out a plan together which he has as much responsibility as you for achieving.
(my ds is 19 months so this all feels a bit recent to me)

WelshMum, You're right about the biting your lip bit. I feel dragged apart in so many ways, I have little left of me! I get frowned at for the occaisional exasperated 'oh for heavens sake!' even from my family who then look at DS as though I'd done something hideous to him. So I now say nothing and tumble into bed at 1130pm (if I'm lucky) and on a rare day like today, I've said stuff it, and sat down at the PC to get some moral support from people who won't get on the moral high ground hopefully. It is a 2 way street with parenting, but most days it feels one-way.
Just tired out.

I know how you feel. I work full-time, run the house (with a little help from an au pair, admittedly!) and do all the cooking and am the main carer when I'm around for ds. It is exhausting and unfortunately my dh really doesn't seem able to multi-task even on the most basic level!

When I went back to work and ds started nursery, I made a point of having a bath with ds when I got home. It was a bit of relaxed one on one time and was relaxing for me as well as him. I would like to think that having some relaxed, but fun one-on-one time with me, helped him to chill out about not having me with him all day. Perhaps try that and get your dh to do dinner whilst you're in the bath??

Sorry, this has seemed like a rant. DS has been a proverbial over-tired boy tonight - wouldn't go to sleep for ages.
I am going to find a nursery or something I think. Might help to give us both a break.