ds bursts into tears at the slightest thing ....

[ejt1764]

title says it all really.

DS is 4, and what my mother calls strong-willed (shows a large amount of sheer bl£$%y minded ness at times)

For the past week, every time something has gone wrong, he's burst into tears and gets really upset.

If he's asked not to do something, he cries.
If he's told that I can't do something for him right now, he cries.
If he's done something wrong and I'm reprimanding him, he cries.

I've tried ignoring it, and felt a complete cad (and he just cries for what seems like forever)

I've tried getting cross - that just makes things worse ...

I've tried jollying him out of it - but then I feel like I'm pandering to his behaviour.

What next, oh wise mumsnetters?

ejt

ejt sorry no useful advice, but will watch this thread with interest as my 4 year old ds is exactly the same. I've done the same as you and very little seems to work.

Have found that an earlier bed time and a bit more quiet time during the day improve his mood some what, but I'm sure I'm teaching you to suck egss there.

Lets just hope it's a phase & they snap out of it soon Beks

Beks, thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one - I swear ds's mood swings are worse than mine when I have pmt!

Have tried an earlier bedtime - he just doesn't go to sleep, and lies singing to himself or talking to his toys ....

Think I may have to do this 'this too will pass this too will pass' mantra .... and just hope that it will do just that!

ejt

I always put it down to frustration. They don't know yet how to handle their feelings so they burst into tears instead. It will pass ... eventually! Patience is what you need, and bucketfuls of it, because they don't understand their feelings or why they're doing it either, and it can be as upsetting for the child as it is for you.

Wigwambam, would you suggest being sympathetic to him when he cries - I don't want to end up in a cycle of hime crying because he knows he gets the attention ... although I give him lots of attention anyway ....

thanks for the help by the way - it helps me to grit me teeth and not get cross ....

ejt

I'd aim for understanding but firm rather than overly sympathetic. Let him know that it's OK to have feelings and you understand that he feels upset, but he still isn't allowed to pull the cat's tail/jump on Daddy's head/have your undivided attention/get away with misbehaving, and give him the reason why.

Just straightforward and matter-of-fact rather than giving him stacks of attention or getting cross with him. And keep giving him loads of attention at other times, with praise when he manages to handle his feelings without crying.

Wigwambam, have printed out your last post, and am going to pin it to the fridge - it's what I try to aim for anyway, but you put it so well!

Thanks for youe help.
ejt

ejt, it sounds like our two were separated at birth

Wigwambam, that was a brilliant post, I too am going to print that off and stick it to the fridge, so I can remind myself what I'm supposed to be doing.

I find I'm always getting cross or irritated with my ds these days and as you say being firm and giving a reason why he can't do something should help. Unfortunately though, my ds is pretty smart and generally has an answer for everything.

I never realised when i had kids what a steep learning curve every stage brings, I just think I've got him sussed and he throws me another curve ball. Beks

Just thought I'd offer another perspective this. My DD too is very "strong-willed" but goes through phases like this where she can be very tearful. And almost always it seems to coincide with some physical cause - either not getting enough sleep or a cold or infection brewing. I'm not saying that's the case with your DS but just something else to consider.

Mine are always well behaved.

Has your DS just returned to school after the Christmas break?

My Ds with many of the same characteristics behaves this way for the first couple of weeks back at school after a holiday-he is not normally an emotional child. He finds transitions hard

all I can say is try and be kind even though you may be boiling inside. Kindness with children this age is so important in my view. Seems to make their emotions a little easier to handle

sugarmagnolia ... will bear that in mind - it may well be that there's a cold just around the corner - or it could be tiredness!

chipkid - that's also going on my fridge - be kind - and you're right - ds doesn't do very well at change

Beks - I hate the question 'why?' - no that's too strong - questions like 'Why does winter happen?' are fantastic - even if I can't answer them ... it's the 'why?' that comes just after me saying something like 'don't jump on the settee' (for the 100th time - both the instruction and the why) that drive me up the wall

must be kind, must be kind!

Cod - you a liar, girl!

ejt

This is the face I use on them

They DARE NOT misbheave