Techniques to get a six year old to talk to me about her problems

[thetoothfairywhoforgot]

I have a 6 year old who is generally happy and has a few good friends. This week she has been upset twice after a new girl has joined her social group. I don't really know what has happened, other than afterschool club telling me the new girl was teasing her.

I know she is going to have to learn to deal with group dynamics and friendship problems. My real worry is that she won't talk about what has happened or anything that has upset her. She just repeats 'I don't want to talk about it'. I really want her to be able to tell me what the problem is so I can help her come up with strategies.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get her to talk to me? I've tried discussing stuff in the car and in the bath.

TIA.

Tell her it's ok if she doesn't want to talk about it. Some people don't tell others their problems. Maybe she's afraid you'll try to fix it too.

Most parents talk too much, ask too many questions. If I ask my dcs how their day was, I get "fine" as an answer. If I say nothing or even just "I missed you both today", I get chapter and verse of the whole day, down to who said what in which tone of voice. Work in making your relationship closer, remove the pressure on her telling you and it will come naturally when she's ready.

If you don't want to try this, you could also do some drawing and ask her to draw how she feels. This is a much more indirect way of getting her to express what is troubling her

Try "how to talk so children will listen..." lots of suggestions there.

Thanks, I'll check out that book. And try leaving her some more space.

I must go to sleep now but try reading the story book huge bag of worries and see if it opens up talking about her worries.

And when she says 'I don't want to talk about it' it's hard but you need to respect that but you can also let her know you're there if she needs you to listen. Or techniques like "I wonder if you're feeling x because of y" might get a response. Only you know if it's worth pushing it.

I was going to recommend there same book, it's very a bit cringey in places for my taste but the underlying ideas are brilliant

Thanks Misty. I've just downloaded that book and will give it a go tonight.

I think she has hit a difficult age where the girls at school are becoming a bit political. We had a playdate last night and the other child said "Come here now or I won't be your friend anymore!" I was less than impressed with that!

I ask my dc to tell me 3 things about their day (2 good and 1 bad). It seems to focus their minds more than a simple how was school?
I also find bedtime is a time for talking and it all pours out. Reading thread for more tips though.

I saw this the other day and thought it was good.
www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-button-pushing/20130818/filling-your-childs-attachment-tank?s=bp

I agree that book is excellent and also the suggestion about asking her for 2 good, 1 bad thing about the day. We had an ongoing game for ages which was "My happiest moment of the day was... my saddest moment... my funniest moment..." etc. It got a bit silly with too many different types of day added so it petered out but I think I might reinstate it as it was good.

Hope it helps. Just to clarify, I think the book others are agreeing with is "how to talk so kids will listen..." Which I also agree is very good. Good luck :)