Things you wished you knew before you became a parent..

[katsopolis]

Just that really..

That oversupply is as bad a breastfeeding problem as under supply but that everybody is dismissive of it and just tell you to "block feed" as if that solves everything.

So you feed only off one boob for hours whilst the other leaks everywhere, an you do it for weeks, but it doesn't improve and you keep choking your baby and OMG the screaming.

Then the advice is "well it'll probably improve after a few months so just wait it out" and you curl up into a depressed ball of tears.

Whereas someone could have just said "Pop some Sudafed love, it'll decrease your supply and save your sanity". But nobody ever ever says that cos drugs = baaaaad. So you spend the first few months of your child's life struggling in a nightmare.

.....wow, apparently I'm still pretty bitter about that one!

That babies under 6 months old are boring and it's okay to not want to be a SAHM.

Elspeth I didn't know that! Oversupply was one of the issues we struggled with and ultimately I stopped breastfeeding because it was such a hassle. I wish I'd have tried that!

I agree about the never sleeping again thing nine never slept for 11 months then woke up at 5 every morning for half an hour until 2 but sleeps fine now so they do go through stages but most older kids 3+ I know sleep through most nights.

Also having no time to do anything I can't speak for others but I've always made time for a shower do my hair/make up. When ds was little I would take him to things I wanted to do with me he got used to the world not revolving around him pretty quickly if I say go play while I watch Emmerdale he knows bugging me will get him the naughty spot. You really don't have to give up your whole life and walk about like a midden just because you have kids you just need to change life to find a balance.

Oh one other thing that's useful if your baby cry's while you have a shower it will be fine let it cry you need to be clean. Sometimes you just need to do something regardless.

Kiki I agree with everything you've said. I make sure I have time to get ready and sometimes, I need to have a bath/use the loo/cook dinner and as long as he is safe, clean and fed, if he cries he cries. I can't be (and refuse to be) his sole source of entertainment. I'm a much better parent when I am able to get on with things!

future it's almost taboo, it's ridiculous. Lactation consultants aren't even allowed to tell you about it. If you Google it, all the advice on various forums will be not to try it amid dire and dark warnings about the risk of fucking up your supply. Instead you're urged to try these increasingly desperate tactics that basically stop you leaving the house, like only ever BFing lying down 24/7.

I only found out about it when I wanted to reduce my supply when I eventually stopped. Then people were falling over themselves to recommend it! I was like WTF? ?? This existed all along???!

Elspeth It is ridiculous, I may have been able to breastfeed for much longer had I have known. How many other people are stopping breastfeeding or being miserable like staying in all the time because of this? I felt for a while like I'd really messed up somehow because I had a lot of milk yet couldn't feed properly.

Oversupply is a real problem.

I wish I knew how good it was going to be.
I was dreading it and thought it would be horrendous especially when they became teenagers.
I am having the best time and the teen years are great.DS 1 is 19 and DS2 is 16 and they are fabulous.
Nothing to be worried about and everything to be proud about.

Most of the people who tell you they love babies and will come babysit and help you are enormous flakey liars. Luckily there are other people who may not be so "good with babies" who will come out of the woodwork and support you less vocally. You will find out who your real friends are!

And all babies really are different. If they and you are still alive at the end of the day, you've both had some food, and you haven't hit them, you're doing OK. And they get more and more interesting and wonderful.

That the first few months are the easiest to get out to meet people etc. Was so much easier with a tiny baby who slept everytime she saw the carrycot than the food throwing, high chair hating, noise making 15 month old I have now . Everyone who was dying to see and cuddle my adorable baby now is suddenly busy! So get out when you can.
Also the sleep thing. I got one that loves sleep in spite of my shocking routine. I don't tell anyone I wouldn't want to hear it if I was sleep deprived. I didn't expect it and she has shocked us .

Everything Smallbee said.

I also wish someone had sat me down and said -

"Dude, your hair is gonna fall out. I'm talking bald patches".
"Milk sprays out of your tits like a cheap hotel room shower".
"Buy some Tena Lady".
"You know those women who come to work meetings with snot on their clothes? The ones you laugh at behind their back? That's going to be you".
"Be really really nice to your mum. You will have a new found respect for her for bringing you up so well and making it look easy, even though you now know it wasn't. You will need her again now for babysitting. Poor dear thought all this was behind her. Ha! Sucker!"

The guilt! There is so much guilt involved in being a parent.
I disagree. I long ago learned to have a pragmatic approach to things.
Any decisions that I have run through my head like a flow chart to reach the best outcome for my children, myself and the family as a whole.
I do not feel guilty whether I am a SAHM or not. I didn't buy into the formula fed or breast fed debates etc.
I'm not saying there is no 'guilt' but saying there is so much implies that you are doing something wrong.

That the newborn and toddler stages are a doddle in comparison to the teenage years.

That parenting doesn't end. Ever. Even when they are adults they still need you. Financially, emotionally.

That no two children are the same, that if your first sleeps through the night, there's no guarantee the next one will.

That saying 'I'm never going to ... (add in 'your rules') is pointless. Because you probably will.

That despite all your parenting techniques and your determination that your child will be a certain way, they are actually individual human beings with their own personalities and traits and it doesn't matter how much you might want them to be an athletic type, they may prefer books.

That no matter what we do, at some point we are doing it wrong (according to your child) and on those days you just think 'fuck it' and reach for the wine.

Just how exhausting it is. That being a SAHM is not the walk in the park you thought it'd be! To take more holidays, enjoy the peace and quiet, saviour those long lazy Sunday's...cos you won't see them again!

That the newborn and toddler stages are a doddle in comparison to the teenage years.
It's been the other way around for me. DS1 was a dream baby but Ds2 was hard work as a baby. However the teen years have been a breeze. I wish these years could go on for ever. It's been the best fun watching them evolve into lovely young men. I love spending time with them and there's never a dull moment in the house.

I was expecting a bumpy ride after hearing horror stories but it just proves you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

Oh, I was going to say 'that teenagers are much maligned'.

Compared to the wearing small child years when I ended up starting a thread on MN asking if anyone else felt they were swimming uphill through custard...