I don?t see light at the end of tunnel!

[intears1]

I have changed my nick name.
I have a dd who will be 6 at the end of march.
We have a difficult background.
When she was about 2yrs old I broke up with her father because of domestic violence where police was involved and afterwards there was injuction etc. she never saw her father again.
Then me and her we moved to a different area but we had really difficult times at different refuges for a long time till we find our own place.
During these difficult times I tried to do my best but I had always problems with her, where she put me in difficult situations.
But I thought she is very young she will be better.
Then she started nursery in a primary school in this area, I haven?t heard problem from school.
As soon as she started reception the problems started, now she is in year one.
She is known as happy face social girl, but in my opinion I am feeling like I am sitting on a bomb, she is unpredictable, and I don?t know how many times I have been shouted at by other mums in school garden or around my area.
In her class I feel there are about 4 mums that wont want their child around mine.
Every time I go to school I am frightened what she had done in school again.
Its been 2 years now I am feeling like that.
In reception after an incident in school, school and I decided to refer her some sort of project that she was going to be assessed.
The pediatrion who is making the assessment believes that she doesn?t understand the consequences of her behaviours, or she doesn?t understand why she doesn?t have to do.
I am in tears for the couple of hours and my heart is beating very strangely.
I did my best for her, I explained everything to her but its been 2 years and she is doing the same mistakes. She is pushing, smacking, pinching her friends at unpredictable times. for example she goes very well with her friends, play nicely with them, they enjoy playing with her about a week then suddenly she does something bad like pushing or smacking or pinching.
the staff at school like her but how long they will continue to like her i dont know.
I registered her to ballet, swimming classes, etc, but we don?t have too much social life which is partly because she is embarrassing me in front of people, I have invited friends to home to play with her, but nobody invited back yet.
As I said when I go to school I feel so embarrassed in front of other parents, i feel they thinking I am not teaching her anything perhaps, but it is not like that, and I really don?t deserve that. I had a very good career before I have turned to such an emotional wreck now.
I don?t see light at the end of tunnel, I don?t know what will happen to us, I feel heart broken and resentful to her, because in 2 years she should have understood what is wrong what is right-everybody and me tried to explain to her.
Some times I feel so upset that I don?t want to look her face, and I have to, I have to study with her, etc.
Its been a long post, sorry for that. I just needed to write here, because I have nobody to write or talk. Thank you for reading.

I am no expert but she sounds like a very unhappy girl. I think you both need some sort of family counselling. It's not too late. Go to your gp and insist on a referral.

i am really tired of what she needs,
for the last couple of years my mind is always busy why she is doing like that.

can i hear some similar experiences if there is any? thank you...

My DS is a handful, likes to bite scratch, hit etc, try not to make too much of an issue of it, she probably gets over excited and finds it a way of expressing herself lots of children do this. I would try and keep going with the clubs etc and try and find yourself sometime to be you. hope this helps

thank you dalieo,
i sometimes try to think like you say, but it is not nice to be shouted by other parents or being ignored on purpose, being gossiped about because of my child, etc-it is so upsetting, i dont deserve that.

In tears you sound like you could do with some support for yourself - would you consider a trip to gp. You have been through a lot too. I know nothing about dv but are there any support groups where you meet with other people. I am sure their children are having an emotional fallout aswell and they wouldn't judge you on dd behaviour.

Hold your head up high at school you are a survivor putting her life back together and there might be bumpy moments along the way but you are doing it. Keep communicating with the school and getting all the help you can.

My dd is 6 and it can take them years to change their behaviour. Do star charts with her for being well behaved, lots of praise for the good stuuf and have aplan of the consequences when she does lash out -explain it to her and stick to it reliously - they like to know their boundaries.

Hugs

Intears, I feel for you. You are a strong woman. It is a shame that other parents are not giving you the chance to get to know you or your dd. I agree with LizaLu - hold your head high and never be ashamed. Try and see a gp for assistance. A star chart is a great idea to help teach your dd important boundaries.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Intears1, I have worked with children and parents who have gone through similar things and am trying not to say things i know you will already know. You are the only thing she has that has always been there and she is pushing you because maybe she expects you to go too. So many refuges,home moves, friends have changed and her pattern maybe has been you settle for a while, then things get taken away- so she in her little way is telling herself dont get too close. You sound an AMAZING mum. How on earth you have kept it together is incredible.Have you had counselling? Lots of us do- even with not half the situations you have had to cope with.
I am sure you do this already as you seem so in tune with her, but she needs lots and lots of cuddles, talking to, listening and fun. Please dont think me patronising- i am just going through in my mind what helped when i thought my dd was going to push me over the edge. She is now 11 and is a pleasure, but as you said, the feeling of a time bomb rises its head sometimes. I mustnt make her a "self-fulfilling prophecy" tho so i try not to think of those days and judge her future on that.
I hope i have not said anything to offend you, i have been thinking a lot of what to say. As Lizalu said how is your gp with listening and referels for you both? We dont have to cope alone, the help is out there and some of the professionals i have met have been saviours. xxxx