A WOHM who can't get off the hamster wheel

[WonderMomma]

I'm a mum of 2 DC (6 & 3) and I feel like I'm on a high speed hamster wheel which I can't get off. I work FT, with a 2 hour daily commute, childcare is split between DH and a nanny, however the hard work starts when I get home, there's lots of jobs to do around the house daily - cooking, tidying, cleaning, laundry, ironing, homework & reading for 6 yo, prep for the next day (lunches, snacks, clothes set out). I leave the house at 6.45am and get back at 6pm, it starts then and I don't seem to get to bed for 11pm and I usually read or watch something to wind down so don't fall asleep till midnight, then up at 6am to do it all again.
I sometimes wonder if it's all worth it and whether I should give it all up and become a SAHM, although not sure we can really afford it. Talking to SAHM friends and who tell me they are free to sit down on their sofas and watch TV from 7pm onwards, that would be a luxury for me.
DH does a lot in the house too, we've split jobs in to his and her jobs, he does over and above his jobs, but he also works a shift pattern and nights so is always tired so can't do a lot of the smaller daily jobs.
Just looking for some encouragement and nice words from other mums going through the same thing, are you perpetually exhausted like me??

I'm right there with you! I only have one DS who is 2.5 years but I also feel like I never get everything done and there are not enough hours in the day!

I'm lucky that it only takes me 30 mins to get to work and DS goes to nursery 5 mins from home. I'm a teacher so have work to do at home.

Like you, I find evenings the hardest as by the time we have got home, done dinner, bath and bed it's 8pm and then I have school work and housework to do. Usually go to bed at about 11pm.

Constantly shattered

I try to be as organised as I can but it really is very hard

Unfortunately, I have no advice but lots of sympathy. I often think being a SAHM would be easier but like you, I don't think we could afford it.

Is part time an option? That's something I am considering for the future but I've just started a new job so can't at the moment.

Could you afford an au pair so that some things like picking up the children and a bit of light house work would fall on them?

Unfortunately, in my area au pairs aren't really a thing and there aren't many people looking for that sort of work otherwise I would consider it Having said that, DS is an only child and loves nursery so it's good in that he has lots of children to play with there.

I pay for someone to do ironing which does help and I try to do a bit each day with housework.

It's hard but we need my wages and I try to think of work as the thing that allows me to give DS things he otherwise couldn't have.

Can't you get the nanny to do tea for you too, also she should be leaving the place tidy, and ensuring kids clothes are washed. Maybe not heavy duty cleaning - but could you get a cleaner? That gave me my sanity when kids were smaller.

Also when I had a nanny she used to help with homework, reading etc, and do packed lunches for kids. I think it's reasonable if you leave at 645 that you don't do it

Wouldn't consider an au pair, not too keen on someone living in, happy with the live out nanny situation. She's a friend, an elderly retired lady and she really only does what she can, I feel like I cannot expect too much from her apart from feeding, getting kids ready, school run, ferrying to after school activities and playing with them. I trust her with the kids and in our home and am happy that she does what she can.

I have found that things get easier as the dc get older. Mine are 10 and 6 now and make less mess and can have some responsibility for themselves eg ensuring school bag is packed the night before.

Another suggestion would be to go to 4 days/week, you might find that 1 day/week when you are at home and can do stuff would make a big difference to your lives, particularly once your younger doc is school aged and you can get some time to yourself in the day.

You definitely need several hours of cleaning a week- maybe 2hrs twice a week depending on the size of your house?

Can you also send your laundry out? Get the kids enough clothes so you only have to wash for them once a week.

Do all the cooking at the weekend and freeze (chest freezer) so it's basically home made ready meals all week?

And... at the end of the day... lower your standards?? Does it matter if the house gets in a bit of a mess by the end of the week? My cleaner tidies, I don't really do any housework at all in between her visits.

I'd get a cleaner, buy/cook more instant / quick food and generally lower your standards.

Maybe you and OH can take a day off and blitz the house if it really needs it otherwise we just do a rota of jobs and just work through the list as and when we can. At the moment every evening is preparing wood for 2 hrs - needless to say the house is a tip but such is life and no one ever died from mucky floors.
We have a rule to stop at 8pm and rest before bed as we get up at 5am.

I was right there with you. It wouldn't have been possible for me to give up and stay at home but it was possible for me to have a career change which meant I had less of a commute, less stress in my job and one day a week at home with dd, in which I can do all the housework (well split between me on my day off and dh on sat) so that evenings and Sunday's are spent as family days. Would it be possible to change what job your doing or find something without the long commute?