Feel like I'm single parenting

[Birdmummy40]

Help! Our son is nearly 6 and a half and my husband is like the absent parent. From day one he has left the parenting to me, wouldn't help with night feeds, had very little input. He doesn't spend any 'boy' time with our son except for taking him out on his bike for half an hour once every couple of months. If I ask my husband to spend time with our son, he acts like he's doing me a favour, like he's baby sitting someone else's child. My husband is very into cycling and goes out both days of the weekend leaving me to do the childcare. We don't have family holidays because he says he can't afford to take the time off work yet has just been to Majorca for 10 days with his cycling club. The thing is - while he was away, life was much less stressful and much more simple. Now he's back I feel like I wish he'd go away again. Don't get me wrong I love my husband very much, he provides for us but I feel like life would be simpler on my own with our son. He is not a family man, can anyone give me any advice as to how to make him see this. Our son needs him but he's so wrapped up in his work and his cycling it's like we come bottom of the pile.

Hmm, I knew a family where this happened. Father didn't want to do anything with the kid. When they then divorced he got to spend a LOT of time with him and the harassed mum got a break, it was ironic really (though sad). Think it did him good. Felt awful for the kid though.

Your husband's attitude is not on (unless you're in one of those difficult situations where you wanted a child and your dh said 'yes, but I'm not doing anything to help' and you hoped he'd change his mind later - that situation is very tricky).

It doesn't matter if he's bringing home more money, or the only source of income, he has a moral obligation to spend time with his child. He doesn't have to do everything you do. We play to our strengths. My dh works full time at quite a high stress job, but he does at least his fair share of childcare, often more. He's baking with them, playing with them, taking them to the park, get up in the night, we do stuff as a family.

The cycling holiday would really annoy me too. That's unacceptable behaviour. When do YOU ever get a break? How much control do you have over the finances? Do you plan the year's holidays together? How does this happen? I would suggest an ultimatum and start taking some control and inform him you are going off to do something some weekends - book it in the diary. Maybe 1 weekend for you, 1 weekend for him and 2 together every month, with a review after 2 months. He might have learnt a lot by then. If he doesn't then I would seriously be wondering if I was better off without him.

Tbh you might not get every weekend off if you split. He might still prioritise his hobbies. XP hasn't seen the dc's in 7yrs (didn't want to lose his weekend lie ins). I'm exhausted but I'd still rather have this than put up with a non-involved adult in the house.