Please help - toddler night wakings.

[FrankiesKnuckle]

My beautiful, bright and funny almost 3 year old girl has almost broken me.
I'm sat crying on my stairs, just so down and so, so tired. I couldn't wait to drop her off at pre school this morning. I've shouted and actually screamed at her today, even crying my eyes out in front of her.
I cried leaving her. I think she was relieved I was going.

She wakes every night, at the very least once. 3 times last night.
The first because her blanket was scrunched up - rectified problem blanket then the whole charade of '1 more cuddle' 4 times over.
The second time belle had fallen out of bed - she's in a toddler bed and could've just reached out but oh no, it falls to one of us having to get it. Again, the 1 more cuddle game... She'll start flapping/kicking off if we don't.
The third, well that was just because.
We can't leave her to cry because she just gets louder.
She makes no attempt to actually get up herself, she'll just lie there waiting for us to come to her.
We've recently moved her from cotbed to bed - I thought it would help and it did. For precisely 2 nights. She loves her big girls bed though.
We also removed a chair from her room thinking that would stop the need for us to physically pick her up during wakings. She took it well, at first, now her tactics have changed.
We've tried gushing praise, rewards, treats, removal of treats.
Last night I told her I'd take all her books away (she has 4 stories before bed, another charade) she said ok, but don't take my sparkly light! It's a glitter lamp that's on all night. I've removed all the books from her room today and it's broken my heart.

She's never slept well. We had 6 months of absolute hell when she reached 8 months old. I had a sleep consultant helping me then, provided by my then LA. I was very close to a breakdown with the sleep deprivation.
She got better when we moved to a quieter area. Then it started again.
And here we are.
Nearly every night of broken sleep for all of us.
My husband does his fair share of get ups but just brushes it off saying it could be worse! What he means is that at least she's not in our bed every night but right now I'm bloody tempted to start.
So a 2 year phase. I'm so fucking over it.
I'm beginning to resent her. To not want to spend time doing nice things for her.
She CAN sleep. I know she can.
Yes she's had the odd bad dream or night terror and we deal with that but this I think is just plain old controlling behavior.
I live with a mini dictator.

Thank you if you've read to the end, it's turned into a bit of an epic tome.

Does anyone have any tips? Coping strategies? Drugs?

DS1 was an awful sleeper still is, but usually doesn't disturb the rest of us now
After one particularly horrendous night, we told him Mummy and Daddy were to tired to take him on the previously discussed swimming trip because he's woken up so much the night before. He slept through for the first time ever that night, and bounced in the next morning demanding to go swimming.

I'd explain that getting up to sort out little things makes for cross, grumpy, tired parents, and she needs to sort out herself whenever possible so you can sleep.

Good luck

DrRanj that's the thing, I really do not want to do the cry it out method. Everyone told me to do it at 8 months and I wasn't comfortable with it then and I'm not now.
I try to be consistent but she's not that's why it's so hard.
Some nights she sleeps well, just waking for a bad dream and other nights she's obviously being naughty.
Out of 8 times up last night only one was for a bad dream (she told me) and another was for a wee. She's still in nappies at night but dry in the day. She'll happily wee in her nappy at night but when she's wakeful shes obviously more alert to her needs.
The other 6 times were the usual, toys fallen out of bed, flung actually last night.
Needs a drink (by her bed, non spill cup) needs a cuddle or wants to chat about next doors cat.
I wouldn't mind getting up so much if it was peaceful but it's usually Armageddon, lots of tears and screaming.
She's gone to bed lovely now, as she does usually.
Fingers crossed eh?

Absolutely fingers crossed! Honestly do read that book. It will help with understanding the developmental phases she's going through, what she is and isn't capable of etc. Understanding this will help you to cope in turn. Ie realising that she's not being 'naughty', she's throwing her toys because that's a way to get your attention because of xyz that she's struggling with... It helps you to consider the real reasons and address those with her, and stops you getting wound up with her (which is just going to make her more anxious and liable to try and get your attention) I know it's so hard, I'm living it myself, but you're the adult in possession of a set of coping mechanisms that she doesn't have the maturity to have learned herself yet. You are her only coping mechanism for anything she's struggling to process! It's so, so hard but only for a short time in the grand scheme of things, and her emotional development at this age is really worth understanding in and investing in as it's absolutely laying the foundation for her in future.

Thank you. I completely understand everything you're saying, actually seeing it written by someone else gives it so much more clarity.
I'm trying really hard to be the parent that I didn't have, to be the parent that 'parents'
To set boundaries, to give love and to listen.
I am just so so tired that it's clouding everything that I'm trying to achieve.
I feel like I'm perpetuating the shit that I'm trying to remove myself from.
I just want what best for my little girl, my world.
I sorry, I'm tired and now H is back I've had a rather large glass of wine (or 3!)
So far so quiet.
Thanks all for the support, it's invaluable.