potty training going horribly wrong

[jaqnic]

have a dd(2.7) who is due to start end of feb a nursery that want her dry... she had lots of the right signs - telling me when she had done a poo or wee etc., and i read up about how to do this, we've had a potty around for a while now, some of her friends are toliet trained. she understood the reward '1 chocolate button for sitting on potty, 2 if there is a wee or poo' - we went shopping together for big girl pants. even played with her toys going on the potty. on the beg of 1st day there were a few accidents but also 'hits', and then it was as if she just said to herself, ok, i've done that. don't want to do it again. later that day she was sitting on the potty crying as she was weeing (ok, screaming) 'I don't like this, NO NO NO' - and then she had the bladder control to save up her wee to wee in the bath... I tried, really tried to be calm and gentle about everything.
she knows what to do, she can do it - just doesn't want to and i'm concerned that this negative experience has made it all wrong and bad for her. (and i'm not so concerned if she starts this nursery or not) how can we relax and make it better? I'm feeling a little desperate and sad that she went through that.
please help

Hi there...do not panic, you will not have scarred her for life or anything. This is what I would do...

Firstly, put her back into nappies and say nothing about the toilet or potty for a week. Absolutely nothing...so that you can start again from fresh...

...I'd go straight to the toilet...have never potty trained any of my charges or my 2 dds onto a potty. Toilet is just as easy...if not easier and much more comfortable

...don't reward with sweets. At the end of your nappy week tell her that she is such a clever big girl and you are so proud of her that she is growing up so well that you think it would be nice to make a lovely chart for her to put shiny stickers on everytime she uses the toilet like Mummy.Then make a chart...big as you like..lots of involvement sticking, drawing etc...whatever you wish...go to woolworths and let her choose some stickers/stars etc...

Choose a day to begin...put up the chart in the loo...a chart in each loo if more that one...and off you go..

1. stop using nappies in the daytime. Don't use pull ups either. Lots of kids see these as glorified nappies and it is confusing. Simply put on knickers and prepare yourself for a lot of accidents in the first few days.

1. Let your dd know that if she has a little wee wee in her knickers it is not a problem and she can have a clean pair on. Put spare clothes in the loo ready in a nice box or bag.

1. Every hour, try for a wee wee. Give a sticker for trying or for a wee or for a poo. They are all equal in your eyes and she needs to know that. Make a new chart each week so that she sees the results and make sure that you separate the days on the chart so she can see progress...ie...4 stickers yesterday but 6 today etc...

1. hourly toileting for a week or til she seems able to hold it well then go 2hourly with special before dinner visits etc...

1. keep a nappy at night for the time being

1. After a few days of successful 2 hourly, go to regular time slots...waking, after breakfast, 1/2 hr after a drink, before going out and mealtimes etc..

1. Remember, wees often come more easily than poos and she may hold her poo til her nighttime nappy goes on after her bath each night. That's ok, simply let her watch you put the poo into the toilet and let her help flush it away.

1. Set up a good routine of handwashing etc...this is why I like to use a toilet as often, those I know who have used a potty seem to allow their children to use the potty wherever is convenient and then wipe hands with a babywipe. I can't see how this helps build up a good habit of using a toilet correctly so it simply isn't for me.

1. Once daytime dryness is established, move onto nights.

REMEMBER...for some this is quick, others may take a couple of months or more. You are stressed by the time constraint of the nursery and I think this will only make things worse. Let them know that you are trying to help her be dry during the day but that you may not be able to take up your place at the set time and see what they say.

Lots of little ones aren't toilet trained at this age. You're not alone. Biggest thing you can do for her is have a true smile on your face and show her that you are relaxed about it all. She may be stressed by all the anxiety surrounding it.Be fun and happy and positive...even if you don't feel it...earn that oscar!!!!
xxxKaren

thank you thank you thank you
all sounds very wise

just got to put it into practice

jaq

thank you thank you thank you
all sounds very wise

just got to put it into practice

jaq

Hi jaqnic
Just so you know your not alone my 2.5 dd is exactly the same. I know she has bladder control, she goes somewhere private whenever she wees or poos.Her favourite game is putting dolly on the potty but whenever I ask her if she wants to sit on the potty she just yells "NO" at me. I have had advice from everyone, she's even watched her friends go to the toilet, she's just not interested.

Thankyou Mrs Poppins, I'm going to try your suggestion too. Wish me luck.

Goodluck jaqnic.