Do you ever wish you stuck to 2 kids?

[ayesar]

I wanted to post a similar thread to SquareholeRoundPeg about whether you regret your decision to have more kids.

I currently have 2 and thinking about adding a third. I have numerous doubts and constantly hear people say if you don't have one more you might regret it. No one says they regret having the 3rd or would change their decision after having 3. So I'm just wondering, do any of you wish you had stuck to 2? Obviously you love your 3rd child but if you are honest with yourself do you think life would have been easier with 2?

We just had #3. We had, before having our first, decided on 4 DC. Our 2nd child has been diagnosed with autism and we decided to stop at 2 prior to this diagnosis when he had significant development delays so we could give him the time he needs. Well turns out I was pregnant when we had that discussion.

We are fortunate that we are able to afford the extra costs involved with having a 3rd child. What we are struggling with is making sure we spend enough time with each of them each day.

stroke not being able to mentally split myself is my reason to stick at 2 even though in crazier moments l think a third would be nice.

Congratulations want2b.

OP, just to say that those that are the most vocal often have their own agendas: someone mention up thread their mor being very vocal about why it's better to stick at two. My mum has always been like this, I remember her saying when I was growing up that the trouble with three is one is always left out. Other similar comments now we're adults and my generation is in the baby years.

However, it's come out recently that she wanted a third and my dad flatly refuse. Caused big arguments between them. so her agenda is far from neutral.

I have a friend my age who is vocally anti three, and a mutual friend thinks it's because she really wants another but has decided against for practical reasons.

There is no right or wrong. Three can be too many, or not enough. I think places like mumsnet are great for the anonymity, you do get more honesty. But in real life people are often justifying their own circumstances.

I have one so I'm just lurking, but I can't help coming to say it's not true that most cars fir three kids. Or they might fit three kids but not here car seats abreast on the back seat. DSIL and DBIL had to buy a new car for kid number three. I'm shocked at how many parents rush to get their kids out of the seats that could save their lives. Seat belts are designed for full grown bodies.

Also, it is almost impossible for DSIL and DBIL to stay overnight when they visit people and now we have moved further from them they will never be able to stay with us and if they visit need to rent a flat for a weekend. We are all a bit sad about that but I'm not going to live somewhere rough just so I have enough bedrooms to accommodate them a couple of nights a year. We thought about a conversion in our last place but I pointed out we'd be spending thousands to give a 10 year old boy somewhere to sleep a couple of times a year.

I think you could always say what about another one? Why not have 4, 5 or 6?

Our one is very challenging, I didn't want to have to deal with a newborn on top of dealing with him. I don't think our marriage would have survived. Obvs DSIL and DBIL don't regret baby number three but after a couple of more compliant children their number three is probably the most challenging child. Maybe if they'd had him first they'd have felt like us and vice versa. When I look after my DB's eldest I reckon if I'd had a kid like that we'd have two by now.

That was me who said that my mom is against a third. But in her case she got pregnant with her first by accident, then with me right after by accident. She was ok with one but didn't even want a second! That's also because she wasn't happy in her marriage and was doing everything for us herself with no help from my dad. I don't think she has an agenda, she just truly believes that more kids would drain me and take me away from my career. She says I would lose two more years of my life doing the baby stuff.

The more posts I read on this thread, the closer I'm leaning to sticking to two. The comments on here have been extremely helpful for me. I noticed that when I was out yesterday I saw lots of mothers with crying babies, pushing strollers, giving them bottles, and I wasn't envious of them at all. I figure that means I don't really want to have a baby as bad as I thought I did. I wouldn't be able to put my kids to bed, play with them outside etc if I was breastfeeding all the time and changing diapers.

I think I just have to come to terms with having 2. Yes, I like big families and would even love the chance of possibly having a daughter, but I don't know if it's right for me now.

Thank you keiser.

I would reiterate that I would be very wary of having more than 2 if money is an issue. It's not a case of costs being triple that of a single child to have a third. Please don't take this as gloating, but I was shocked when I sat down and added up the additional cost of having a 3rd child. DH calls her the million dollar baby because that is the increased cost for us as we live here in the US with family in the UK and Europe. It was sobering to see the numbers.

I absolutely love my 3 but at the weekend sometimes I have to get a taxi to take one of them to an activity as DS1 has football matches all over the place. Not sure how we will do when Dc3 has his own activities!!!

I find really expensive taxi for 5 people though. 4 person is a normal taxi, 5 is a mini bus and £££!!

Holidays: we swap our home , easy and cheap!! :)

Oh yes, the football matches! At the moment DH takes DS1 to football and I look after the other two. But in Sept DS2 will start having matches too, so DH and I will have to do one each and poor DD will have to tag along and watch.

I have three. It would be easier with two.

But my theory is that everyone feels at their limit with the number of kids they have. A kind of 'fitness level'. I've trained up to deal with three, if I had four, three would feel like a breeze all of a sudden cos I'd have had to increase my 'fitness level'. If I'd only had two, three would feel super hard to me.

Ideal number is n-1.

Want2b It's the finances that would be the biggest struggle for us with a third, we'd have enough but not plenty. Dd is 9 months and dp and I were talking about how ds got his first soft shoes at 11 months, then more at 13...and 15months! We were saying how next time we go to Clarks' it will be £70.....If we had 3 it would be £100 . My sister making just your point too, when they went on holiday with other couples with 2, their holiday was twice the price because they had 3, not 25% but double because the lodges were designed for 4. For a couple of years when her youngest was very little they would smuggle him into Centreparks! Same with taxis, if one of the 7 seater wasn't available, they just had to get two.

Please do not judge me.
I have 3. The last wasn't planned as I was in a very EA relationship with XH. DC3 had health issues when I was pregnant and when he was a toddler was diagnosed with ASD. I left XH who would laugh about how no one would want a single mum of 3 (he was wrong). My work had to revolve around DC3 and meltdowns at school. I met now DH who had a Mercedes (2 seats in the back) who eventually moved up to a 5 seater. If DCs older siblings (16/18) are out for the night then me and DH can't as DC3 (14) can't be trusted alone. I'm at school for meetings or for bullying or for SEN talks every other week. I gave up my last job as the shifts didn't fit in with DC3. When DC3 is home (all the time when not in school as no friends) then DC3 is in bedroom on the computer. No interaction at all. I'm struggling with DC1&2 with their schooling and exams and work and am torn into too many pieces. I feel my oldest two have missed out on fun/holidays due to DC3. If we have a day out then DC3 gets bored and plays up or pretends to be sick. DC3 WILL be living with us forever I think.

I wish I had stuck at 2.
Shit. I'd better name change again.

kitty don't name change. I think you have every right to fell torn and the way you do. You've highlighted another point, in that dc3 may have other needs that pull you (as want2be pointed out it was her dc2)

Hi just wondered if you're still on here what your perspective is now?. Your situation is very similar to my current one (I'm 37, have a 3yo and 8yo) debating whether to go for no 3 and wondered if you find it any easier now they are older? Or if you'd still advise against more than 2