What do you expect your 11yo to do around the house?

[theslownorris]

And what "reward" (if any) do you give?
I am struggling to get dd1 to help at home. I feel I'm not asking much-a bit of washing up,keeping her room tidy etc. She does watch her sisters (3yo twins & 10months) while I'm in the next room or gone to the toilet but other than that I feel its a battle to get anything done. She doesn't get pocket money but she is a spoilt brat and has a pony (as do I) which I pay for and I also pay for her weekly dancing class.
I admit I'm not the most domesticated person but I'm making an effort to get on top of things and it's starting to bug me.
I appreciate we've all had a tough year due to dd4's illness and I don't want to feel I'm expecting too much of her but surely she's of an age to be able to do a bit?
TIA

DS1 is nearly 11: he makes his bed, puts all his dirty clothes and wet towels in the washing bin, and keeps his room vaguely tidy (ie: no cups in there, and you can see the carpet! ).
That's what he has to do no matter what.
Then he gets an allowance of £5 per week. To get that he has to feed the animals (cat and guinea pigs) every day, and vacuum and dust his room once a week.

Thank you! I didn't think was unreasonable what I'm asking but you know what they're like-right little "Kevins" sometimes .
We have had to resort to checklists before. She is academically clever but the simplest tasks seem to be beyond her sometimes.

at 11 i know i was expected to clean, polish and hoover my own room.

was also expected to do the same in other rooms of the house and to tidy up after myself and not leave stuff lying around.

if stuff was on the stairs, i was expected to take it up if i went up.

sometimes cleaned the bathroom, or wiped down the kitchen cupboards for mum too.

empty and load the dishwasher and washing machine and peg washing out.

I was never given a reward, just told to do it. Had to wash my dishes after tea and clean my own room. Also i looked after my baby brother and made his bottles, got him to sleep etc.

At 11 I used to

• Make my bed
• Set the table for dinner

- Clear the table and wash up (took turns with my sister doing this) after dinner - Vacuumed the stairs (in a very large house) once a week

• Helped my mum clean the house once a week for an hour or so (including polishing, cleaning floors etc - whatever needed doing really)

These were the things I did every week as part of life

I could also choose to do other things for which I was paid (over and above my normal pocket money)

When I was a bit older 12/13 or so I started doing the ironing too if I wanted to as mum hated that - and wshe was willing to pay me to to it

Splendid! I was worrying that I expected too much but it now seems I am too soft . I shall be printing this off to show her .

I dont expect my kids to do anything.

Being a kid is the only time in your life when you dont have to do anything.

Once they leave home they will be washing up,cookin,ironing,hoovering,making beds etc for the rest of their lives. No need to start early!

They share the load as we all live here. No rewards.

So practically:

Load/Unload the dishwasher
Put away their clothes when they've been washed
Put a wash on (yes I know.. but it's good for them to be able to do it and makes them wear their clothes for more than five minutes)
Set and/or clear the table
Hoover
Cook a meal (all of mine that are old enough can cook)
Tidy their rooms
Entertain the DTs
Iron school shirts

It's all about being a family.

When I was that age I was expected to do my own room, do the washing up with my sisters every night (my Mum cleaned an office in the evening), help with other cleaning. And I wasn't much older when I was cooking on occasions.

My 5 year old takes the recycling out, one item at a time. He gets 50p per week, i think giving them jobs is very important,in a small way it teaches them a work ethic and in the long run you are training them how to look after themselves. I was never made to do jobs as a child, and i still struggle with tidiness and housework.

It's hard, but whatever you do you have to be consistent and firm, whether that's consitently not needing them to do anything or always needing help.

I must say our having someone here every morning to do washing, cleaning and tidying has removed years of arguing with children although it took a lot of time and years and work to be able to afford that. They tidy their own rooms but tend to do it only when it gets very bad and then have a big sort out. Main thing the older ones do is babysit the youngest for no pay fairly often as they know it's the only way this family can operate particularly with me working full time. I wish they would stack the dishwasher but most of them at least get plates returned to the kitchen.

One option is you just give up and save yourself a good few years of argument and don't ask her. You may not however be happy with that. My daughters always did a lot of horse mucking out and you say she has a pony so could she do some of that stuff.

I always found they were keenest to help when they were little use - i.e. under 5 and the more useful they get the least happy they are to help although the older 3 all cook. Oldest boy almost every day cooks for his brothers at the moment.

My ds nearly 13 is a disorganised messyhead.
He is also immune to money/bribes
But not to PS2 being taken away.
I expect him to be responsible for all his schoolwork being organised, his room being kept tidy, his washing being put away and again in the laundry when dirty
Shower at least every 2nd day (daily in summer)

this is basic stuff
Now he also helps prepare dinner sometimes, sets the table, cooks dd's dinner, helps clear the plates and stack dishwasher, he wil hoover if I ask him.
He also makes tea on saturday mornings and unloads dishwasher if requested, he can load washing, sort it into tumble dryer or not and get it hung or tumble dried. He may not do things without being asked but he will usually happily do anything you ask him.
I would make access to the pony on the basis that she keeps to certain minimum standards.

she has a pony and dance classes?

well well well

leverage indeed.

i always dish out the chores but recnelt have been slacking due to my life falling apart in various ways since december.

HOWEVER!!

yesterday i came home from work to muchio shithole and decided to gather the clan round the table.

now "here is what i consider to be ONE chore
frontroom/diningroom pickup and hoover
the kitchen
the washing up is seperate
toilet AND bathroom
Landing AND stairs.

thats five

you are each having one a day"

cue muchio resistance with the whining and "its not fair Joseph doesn't have to do anything ya da ya " Joe being my eldest and WORKING for a living son.

so i said "look, i dont get home til 6. I work all day i'm just asking for help"
"so do we - work all day" says ds2
" ACTUALLY you have 4 hours of class time a day the rest is pissing about with your friends. NOW you are helping or my money that i work for will most certainly remainMY MONEY. If we are just doing things for ourselves in this house - thanks for letting me know - I'll be LOADED!"

i think you'll find thye agreed.

sometimes the bare faced cheek of it is astounding. My daughter has dance on friday and wants £5 for it

for that £5 she wouldnt do anything specific - but i may ask her to help out - or pick something up - or make me a brew - or this and that.

but its not just the money - NO. i have to be on hand as her social CHauffeur to drive her and friend home.

ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!

the fact that i exist is to be edured at the moment.

Yes she sounds spoilt with a pony
my ds & dd are 3 & 5 and will tidy there rooms and the lounge when asked
(saves me having to do it