OK so what am I doing wrong here?

[Enid]

dd2 wakes twice a night EVERY night atm. She is just 4.

she takes AAAAAAAAAAAAGES to get off to sleep unless she is absolutely dropping. She will come downstairs two or three times with some random excuse. Then she wakes twice a night in a pickle, wanting to come in to our bed. I take her back and settle her in her bed, she usually dozes for 20 mins then comes back in. Her crying usually wakes the baby - thank goodness not dd1 as she is such a sound sleeper. This has been going on for months now - occasionally she manages a week without waking. Sticker charts etc don't seem to work as she doesn't really seem to be awake at these times or know what she is doing. She always says she is scared.

On Friday night dh lost it a bit with her - and tbh so did I.

Not sure how to tackle it! Any advice gratefully received.

Watching and reading with great haste here,my dd turned 4 in november and is doing the same.She used to sleep but has stopped,she comes down stairs for whatever various excuses,none of which are valid i might point out.I have tried leaving her a drink of water by her bed,night lights on,sticker charts,reward system most things i can think of and nothing is working.
My eldest ds has sever autism and a sleep disorder for which he takes melatonin to regulate a sleep pattern,i worry so much that dd is going to have the same problme as him as she says she cant go to sleep and that was what he was like.
I have tried going to HV for advice but without much joy,when ds stopped sleeping i was with ex-p and we could share the kids and house and stuff but noiw im on my own with 3 kids and cant afford to let dd wake ds1 as once he is awake he is awake for the night.
I have even let dd into bed with me in an attempt to get soem sleep but this doesnt even work she still dont sleep, so any more ideas would be greatly received

I got strict tonight

cheaper than a cd player

I have promised her one IF she stays in her bed for 10 days (not all at once obv)

Sounds a good plan Enid. If she likes story CDs we have loads you could use. Hope you have a good night!

Bizarrely, once we told DS (age 4) that he could come in to our bed any time he wanted - because we got fed up with him yelling from his room "can I come into your bed, Mummy?" until I woke up enough to go and say yes/no - he stopped arriving at 4am - it seemed all he needed was the reassurance that he was allowed to come and find us if he needed to. Not saying it will work for anyone else, or indeed that it would have worked with DS any earlier

I am enjoying being strict

have been MUCH stricter than normal (scummys and custardos disapproving frowns goading me on)

and it has worked the last couple of nights.

Message withdrawn

I'm crap at it too - need to know how to do it kindly firmly and consistently without losing my mind or thinking "ooh, but she is under stress/aprehensive about starting school/overtired blah blah blah" (excusing the behaviour I suppose!)

glad you are getting somewhere Enid