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Parenting

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Original poster

Clothes opinion clash!!

18 replies

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 18:57

I would just like someone elses opinion as myself and DH nearly came to blows over it. DD1 is almost a teenager she came downstairs wearing shirt mini skirt(its an American style so has shorts underneath), black footless tights, tee shirt and her school coat(which is a well fitted trendy jacket from Next). Oh yes and on her feet were sparkly ballet pumps. I thought she looked lovely. She had a little bit of make up on, which was tasteful. DH didnt scream or shout but very politely asked her to get changed, DD looked at me, I just shrugged and his comment was shes not coming out with me dressed like that. She came down in jeans which he accepted. I guess my point is we bought all these clothes for her. If you knew my DD then you would know how much this would knock her confidence and most days she is in trackies and football shirts. Sorry to rant on just guess I'm feeling abit confused on his opinion. I wondered if it was seeing his DD all dressed quite grown up- he said no shes dressed tarty.

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misspinkcat · 07/01/2007 18:57

SOunds fine to me.

LucyJones · 07/01/2007 18:58

And me. Where was she going?

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 18:59

The supermarket and then into town shopping

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DizzyBint · 07/01/2007 19:00

why did you just shrug?

LucyJones · 07/01/2007 19:01

Definitely sounds fine for that. I thought she was going to a party and he was worried about boys or something!!

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 19:11

I shrugged because I really didnt think there was anything wrong with what she was wearing and thought that DH was over reacting and didnt agree to his demand but didnt want to not back him up( in a funny kind of way) I waited until all DDs were out of ear shot but his response is that everyone has opinions- life would be boring if everyone thought the same. At times there is just no point argueing with him, we have since spoken about it he still feels very strongly about it and doesnt think he over reacted.

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pointydog · 07/01/2007 19:20

mmmm... I foresee trouble ahead. Shame. her outfit sounded fine.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 19:35

If she was overweight and looked awful with lumps and bumps in the wrong place then fine. But she actually has a lovely little figure. Slim but not skinny. Oh no dont say we are going to go through this every time the othar DDs grow up a little- I have another 2. ( the youngest one in my opinion dresses tarty even though I buy her good sensible clothes she finds a way of changing them [shes only6!!] but DH thinks this is fine because ao her age and people think of it as sweet!)

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ScummyMummy · 07/01/2007 19:36

I think he needs to lighten up bigtime, from what you've said. I feel quite uncomfortable with dads being unnecessarily controlling about what their daughters wear in a way. There's a v fine line between being sensibly protective and sapping girls' confidence in their looks and developing sexuality, imo. I do know what you mean about feeling you have to back up your partner even when they are being a bit unreasonable tho. It's hard- I think you should maybe tell dd that you think she looked lovely and explain that, iyo, dads can be silly about these things...

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 19:42

I must admit I did go behind his back and tell her, she does suffer with self consciousness and as I said before normally wears trackies etc, this time she had actually spent time the evening before ironing her top and making sure her outfit was ready. I really did feel sorry for her! Honestly if you knew her and her attitude towards her room and her clothes(not good) you would of thought he would of been pleased

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scorpio1 · 07/01/2007 19:43

I think her outfit sounds lovely, and actually quite covered up because of shorts and tights and jacket.

Maybe next time clothes are needed you could all go together and he will see what 'tarty' stuff a girl her age could wear, and then maybe decide on some 'grown up' bits as well as some more sensible stuff to mix and match?

When i was a teen, (not that long ago,im now 21)my parents just used to say 'oh you look nice dear' every time....i gave up after about 2 weeks trying to get them to notice!!

The things she was wearing are all 'in' at the moment, and your dd prob felt trendy and pretty in them, if her usual clothes are different.would your dh understand girls and needing to feel pretty just for themselves, and not boys?

hope it all goes ok

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 19:45

Sd thing is we were together when we bought the clothes. But when I reminded this to him his answer was he wasnt expecting her to wear them all together-MEN

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scorpio1 · 07/01/2007 19:48

men never get girls fashion i dont think!my dp doesnt understand topshop!

well it sounds to me like everything was done 'to the rules' on this,and of course she was going to wear them all together-its a cool, girly outfit, and as she gets older shes going to be doing more 'cool' clothes shopping, makeup, etc.

glad i have ds's!

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 19:52

Thanks for that Scorpio 1. I have 3DDs and no DS so I guess a lot of rocky roads ahead for me. You never know by the time DD3 gets to be a teen he maybe so layed back he wont even notice(but I doubt that very much as he notices the smallest thing new includig hairbands!)

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scorpio1 · 07/01/2007 20:00

im one of 3dds-the eldest. my dad was harder on me than my mum was with things like this-fashion, boys, hairstyle, makeup, even use of hair gel once!!

he eased up when i got to be about 15, and he saw what was in fashion for girls when we went to town one day.he soon realised that all other girls my age wore makeup, had a fringe that i wanted, wore ridiculous high heels and tiny skirts....but he still cared. i think my dads issue (and maybe your dh's) was what i looked like to boys, and even to young men, and what my skirt might be telling them.my skirt didnt have shorts or tights under!!

with my 2 younger sisters he has never been like that again, because he knows now about 'girliness'-including the need for pink fluffy things everywhere and chocolate at certain times of the month! he never understood when i was your dds age.

maybe time will help?it did with my dad.and maybe you and your dd could try makeup on together at home,paint nails together, etc? me and my mum used to do this when my dad went out. it was mine and my sis's girly nights. that way we got to do makeup still, just indoors.

good luck

colditz · 07/01/2007 20:03

You should have stuck up for her.

Original poster

pinkbubble · 07/01/2007 23:53

Thanks scorpio 1 again sorry I didnt get back earlier but DD2 decided to be sick and has spent most of the evening looking at the loo-bless(actually not bless as I dont do sick- only like healthy children!!!) I do try and spend time with the girls doing girly things but the sad thing is my DH actually encourages them and joins in!! (I dont mean sad in the wrong way, infact he can be a lovely hands on dad)The amount of times DDs have painted his finger/toe nails you would laugh. I just dont understand his reasoning!!!!!!!!

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brimfull · 08/01/2007 00:07

I agree with colditz,you should have said something at the time imo.

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