A few potty training questions before we begin

[skankingpiglet]

I posted a couple of months ago about DD (now 21mo) who had taken it upon herself to decide she wanted to start potty training. IMO it was very early and we have DC2 due in June, so with the help of MN wisdom decided to let her use the potty when she asked but hold off proper training until September. I really don't fancy a regression once I have a newborn to juggle too.
She is currently asking to use it A LOT. We are getting on average 4 wees and a poo a day in the pot. The times she asks and doesn't produce anything, it is usually because she doesn't always have the patience to sit there and is followed by her going in her nappy shortly after which she gets upset about. It's getting to a point where it feels like we are having the worst of both worlds so I'm thinking we are just going to have to take the plunge now and deal with any regression if and when it happens.

I've done some reading and bought her a lot of some knickers, additional potties, a potty book, more easy up/down trousers, and a potette for out and about, but still a bit unsure about how to cope out of the house. I plan to spend the first few days at home to crack the not waiting on the potty bit (I know this is probably very optimistic) but we will need to leave the house at some point. I have no issue whipping the potette out at the park/playgroups etc but what do you do if driving and you can't stop safely for a while (eg motorway)? Not planning on going any long distances, but even some of our shorter journeys have stretches I can't stop on. Also places like supermarkets? Ours doesn't have a customer loo, and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with her going for a poo in the cheese aisle! She does seem able to hold it for a bit and tells us in good time, but 10mins+ would be pushing it.
Any other things I should know? I've been pretty confident with each other stage in her development, but for some reason this has got me really nervous!

Bless her!! She's still early at under two but she seems to be doing very well already in recognising when she needs to go. When I potty trained dd at 2 and a half I stayed at home for a week - I picked a week where I was able to do this. I put her in pants during the day - no pull ups or nappies so there was no confusion and she got a sticker out on her potty when she went on it. We had a lot of accidents but we never got cross at her we just said gently "no no we do wees in our pants" and by day five I was ready to give up, then day six she suddenly got it. Be prepared for lots of accidents along the way and be as patient as you can with her. You can get portable potties which are very good and maybe put her in pull ups in the car if it saves you worry initially. Good luck and please try not to stress about it, they really all do get there in the end.

Also pre-empt her need to go and tell her to try and go regularly and especially before you leave the house etc and be observant for signs that she needs to go eg the wee dance!

Try reading the 'Oh Crap! Potty Training' book. It's as much about your preparation and your learning as hers. You need to prepare yourself that it most likely won't be a linear pathway, there will be set backs and accidents, and situations you can't control or plan for. But your daughter sounds really ready to give it a go - mine was at a similar age and got the basics really quickly.

With a younger child I think you have to expect that it will take longer to be completely dry and reliable and there will be accidents for a bit - potty training is lots of small bits of learning for them to string together and it's easy to forget one bit when they are tired/distracted/angry etc.

Yes to pull-ups in the car for a while if you need the security. Not recommended by the Oh Crap lady but to be honest she's a bit too purist about it in parts (although her ethos on training the parent makes a lot of sense).

You will become a LOT more conscious of DD's bodily functions for a bit - you will need to remember for her for several months until she's big enough to plan her own toilet use around activities. It's exhausting at first but you'll also be really aware of when you are on 'code brown' alert and that won't be when you'll be choosing to visit the cheese isle!

In my opinion it's worth doing now - it'll be great to be out of nappies by June which is completely possible. I also think it's slightly insulting to a child's dignity if they are showing a wish to not use nappies but we are keeping them in them for our convenience. As the potty training lady says, in days gone by before disposables meant keeping a child in nappies was simple and convenient, children potty trained a lot earlier as parents were way more motivated.

probably dreadful parenting but the way my son learnt to have patience in his potty was to pop it in front of the telly!! Doing a poo to the octonauts seemed perfect for him.
Also some car seats have a 'tray' underneath to collect wees!! We never had an accident in the car but a friend of mine had been sponging the seat off only to find a bowl of wee sloshing around.
As well as the pants etc, I would stock up on carpet cleaner and kitchen towel (and chocolate for you).
Good luck!

We've tried distraction with singing/books/TV to get her sitting longer, and it sometimes works. Other times she just won't stay put superglue? I'll persist though.

That's good others think a pull up in the car is fine, I wasn't sure if that was going backwards. We've only just moved her from cloth nappies to (disposable)pull ups to make quick potty use easier so they still hold a fair bit of novelty for her and I don't think she equates them to quite the same thing as her nappy. She certainly has improved in the potty use since we started using them and likes to help put them on/pull them up and down. In fact getting a night time nappy on her has become quite a battle since the pull ups arrived. I will have a look if we have a wee tray in the car seat... (sounds grim!)

I will get the book ordered today, thanks for the recommendation Qoudlibet.

I would love a whole week at home, but I work and she's with the child-minder Wednesdays and Fridays, but I could do Saturday to Tuesday at home then pack her off Wednesday with a weekend bag of clothes? Is that awful? I feel bad dumping the training on someone else. Definitely will start trying to pre-empt the need to go though. I think that will make a huge difference

Hi we were the same as you ds starts asking to go at 17 months but I felt he was to young as he couldn't hold it for more than a few mins, by 22 months he was doing well so we got rid of the pull ups. He done great a few accidents now and then but once his safety net of the pull ups were away and he knew laziness wasn't an option he cracked it.

For the car anywhere long we used pull ups, ds pee'd round the back of a lot of trees the first little while also in a bottle a few times and in general in shops if you manically run up to a member of staff with a toddlers dancing holding their bits they find a toilet for you to use. Ive only ever been refuse in Primark once we got about 5 steps after arguing with them and ds pee'd a massive flood over the floor (the arsehole who refused the loos face was a picture).

Otherwise we have a rule try before you leave anywhere with a loo even if its just a little bit you know your ok for bit, sometimes he says no so I go first with the tap running and that sets him off, learn where every loo is everywhere, keep an eye on how much they drink and when and learn how to hold her to pee outside.

Oh and be prepared for some regression ds has had I think 5 periods of 2/3 days where he has lots of accidents even now after 2.5 years dry last week he kept trying to hold it in too long and dribbling giving him a wet patch. Don't take it as a sign thy are not ready sometimes I think they get too ballsy thinking they can hold it longer than they actually can.

Our daughter started showing signs like this around the same time. We let her use the potty when she wanted. At 22 months we put a potty in the living room and one upstairs in the bathroom and tried the bare bottom method. Just let her run about trousers and pantsless and she cracked in 10 days. We then started to put the potties in both loos upstairs and down and if I remember shortly after started her in loose fitted jeans when we were out with her mytravelpotty. At 2.6 years old now she rarely has an accident but still prefers her little potty to a step ladder potty/potty seat. At this point I am happy to continue with the wee potty til she feel more confident on the big one.

Night time we never used nappies, she wake up at 10pm ish and cry for the potty. We put her on it half asleep and then carry her back to her room. Now she just gets up once a night uses it.

We were either lucky or crazy but so glad she started training early.

I planned to wait until my girls were 3 to toilet train, they decided they were ready at 2.8. To be honest, because they were ready it was pretty easy. We were abroad on holiday and only stayed in for one day and used a travel potty the rest of the time. There were very few accidents.

Going out shouldn't be an issue if she's ready.

Thanks for all your replies
I've checked the weather and it's looking good so we're going to give it a go starting tomorrow. I've washed and dried all her trousers today so we have plenty of pairs ready and the weather means we'll be able to get them clean and ready again quickly (we don't have a dryer). Fingers crossed she'll catch on quickly!

3 days complete! I think we are doing ok...
Day 1: 48% success rate.
Day 2: 54% success rate, despite DH deciding to feed her half a bag of prunes for breakfast as she'd been a bit blocked up the last few days even though she'd managed to shift the blockage upon waking (in the potty! Woohoo!) Poor mite.
Day 3: 73% success rate!

The successes have been a 50:50 split of her asking to use the potty and me asking her or putting her on it. She has come and told me about any accidents I'd not noticed.
The only thing I'm not sure about is when she was in nappies/pull ups and I left it to her to tell me there would be sometimes up to 4 hours between wees (either in the nappy or potty), whereas at the moment I am tending to ask every 1/2hr if she hasn't and put her on if it's been an hour since her last wee to try to avoid the accidents. Whenever she sits on it I can see she makes the effort to go whether she asked or not, and is often able to get a fair bit out (she's a big drinker). Is this the right thing to be doing? When do I scale back asking or placing her so she's more reliant on listening to her body?

Keep asking her but don't place her on unless you need to go out, sometimes it takes them a while to remember there is not a nappy their whole life they have never had to worry about the loo, its so second nature to us it's easy to assume they feel the need for a pee and hold it. DS often if busy would start then try to hold it in saying he forgot I took this as forgot he could no longer pee wherever whenever.

If she wants to then go for it!

Take plenty of spare underwear, let her wear easily accessible clothes (for speedy removal when she needs to go!).

Prompt her before going out and when out especially after eating or drinking! Carry a potty with you if on a day out so she can use in an emergency (if you are comfortable with this).

Go with her and reward her when she goes after asking etc and be prepared she may not always get to the toilet in time but you may be surprised how easy it is!