Sick of people commenting on ds ginger hair

[woodpops]

I am sick to death of total strangers coming up to me and commenting on my sons ginger hair. Especially if dh (who's also ginger) isn't with me. THey're always asking where the ginger comes from ................ like it's any of their business. I don't want my ds to grow up thinking he's different because of these stupid peoples comments. His hair is beautiful just like him and I wouldn't have him any other way. People don't comment on my dd blonde hair so what gives them the right to comment on my ds????

I wouldn't be so sure, Suedonim! DS has had some right comments!
I usually respond with a version of Twigletts, way down at the bottom of the thread, but I think you have to be very careful to respond as if the comment/qustion was entirely positive (even if you are sure it wasn't) and respond as Aloha suggests, because of the impact on the child.

Thank you suedonim. I really don't want my little man growing up with a complex about his hair. He's a very confident little boy at the minute and I don't want this to change!!!!

I think 'yes, isn't it beautiful' is the right response. Said quite aggressively

That's so sad, Blu, like it's anyone else's business.

I've been following this thread with real interest. I've been educated as to how insulting this can be. I have in the past asked Mums of red heads where they got their hair colour from. Usually as a way to iniate conversation and it is always meant in a complimentary way. The same way people like to comment that my ds is 'a real bruiser'.

I will watch what I say in the future.

I think Northerner has a point. We have friends where both the parents are dark blondy-mouse coloured, and the four children are all beautiful red-heads, ranging from deep copper through to ginger. They're all gorgeous, much more striking than either of the parents (who aren't plain, but YKWIM), so when you see them all together you do tend to think, 'Blimey, where did that come from?' (I've never actually asked that, though...)

Oh dear, I often comment on children's hair. For example, Blu's extremely handsome little boy has the most wonderful shiny black curls - just yummy - and Motherinferior's dd has such an amazingly beautiful head of blonde curls you do have to bite your lip not to mention it. She looks like a Junior cover girl! People comment on my ds's shaggy shock of hair quite often and I have to say, I have never taken it badly. As I said, my stepdaughter is extremely proud of her really lovely red hair, largely as a result of people commenting on it - she actually enjoys the difference. If people comment on it they do so positively IME (with the odd horrid exception) and I quite often say something like, "Yes, it is an amazing colour isn't it?" She feels quite special because of her 'red setter' hair.
Clearly rude comments are something else altogether of course and shoud be treated with contempt. "Well, we love it" is quite a nice neutral comment that makes your views clear, I think.

I found myself commenting once to a mam with a young toddler with the most AMAZING gorgeous red hair, her response was,"Oh God we hate it and hope it will change", i thought it was very sad she said it infront of the child!,(Though maybe she was getting at me!!)

As Northerner has said, I too feel educated by this. I often comment on red hair - but would never dream of doing so if I meant it in a derogatory way. I think the thing that fascinates people is that red hair very rarely springs out of nowhere, but it could have skipped a couple of generations, and so I find it quite fun how it can suddenly pop up again. I honestly don't think a child will get a complex about it just because it's commented on. My ds2 (2) has amazing white-blonde hair and complete strangers stop me to comment on it. Quite a laugh as it makes him look angelic which he most certianly isn't! I can anticipate the questions, though - if ds1 and dd are also there, they say "were the others like that at that age?" to which the answer is yes for him, and no for her as she was more strawberry (my FIL is a redhead!). But THEN, they ask me where it comes from which really bugs me as I AM A BLONDE... (well, I was...)!!!

Quite a lot of people comment on how gorgeous ds1 is and then say nothing about ds2. Poor soul! Or sometimes they even say "oh I'm not syaing ds2 isn't nice as well, but he's not as gorgeous as ds1". Always amazes me. Actually annoys me as well as ds1 looks like dh and ds2 looks like me

Because there's only 16 months between ds and dd people often stop and ask if they're twins. They then ask why isn't 'she' ginger and where does 'he' get the ginger from. I might just get a t-shirt printed for ds saying 'yes my daddy is ginger'. It might then put a stop to all of the questions. Like jimjams said people never comment on dd blonde hair!!!!

Love what Tatum said about the gene, I would memorise that one.

My friends dd, aged 8, has the most gorgeous colour of red, luxuriously curly hair ever! It is like a fluffy red cloud (apparently a horror to brush and get nits out of!) She gets bullied by some of the drab mousy blond and browns at school. I tried to bolster her up by saying they were just jealous and they would one day want to dye their hair that colour but I don't think it worked!

I have dark hair, I used to wish I had more noticable locks like C does!

I'm rather gobsmacked (by this thread) at the things people have had said to them about their children. Our ds was born with the most gorgeous head of ginger hair and enormous chocolate-brown eyes, and for his first year I couldn't step out of the house without passers-by commenting on him. Personally, I adored it! I think there may have been a few 'what a pity' -type comments, or 'lucky the brown eyes make up for the ginger hair', but I couldn't give a damn! Which is strange for me, as I'm generally easily hurt.

I have no objection to people asking me where he gets his red hair from (I'm dark-haired), though I am bored by the question. And I, too, often use a comment on a child's features as a start to a conversation. Don't all parents like to hear their children complimented?

There's a subtle nuance of tone, isn't there? Often comments ARE positive, and I think DO add to children's self-esteem. As Aloha says, DS does have quite noticable hair, and it has become part of his chit-chat to greet new people with 'you've got LOVELY hair'! And heaven forbid we should be afraid to offer compliments.

But there are derogatory jokes aplenty about red-heads and I can imagine that Woodpops wants to keep her DS well clear of that kind of nonsense. And whereas plenty of people comment on DS's looks in an open and nice way, plenty others make questioning comments which sound as if they REALLY want to say 'a touch of the tar brush, then?' In fact that is what someone said to my Mum when she was out with him.

Thanks for the genetics, Tamum. I would love any/all of my kids to have red hair. And for the whole world to comment on it! Red hair is common in my dad's family (including my dad), but although there's some red hair in DH's family, our kids are resolute dull blondes. They do have blue eyes, though, which is weird enough, given DH has plain brown eyes and mine are almost black.

Admittedly, there is an English prejudice (anti-Celt?) against red hair. In my family, the redheads are the mellow sweet nice ones... it's the black-eye beauties with firey tempers that you have to watch out for!

Yes, I have no idea WHATSOEVER why anyone should imagine that I, just for instance, am anything but a mild-mannered little mouse

No, MI, you're absolutely right as usual, MI,

it took me some time to realise that crying in the toilets when someone said something mean about me or my family or anything i had done just made me upset and bitter and didnt effect the person who made the remarks at all. one day the step dad of a friend who attending my ds1 christening greeted me with a kiss ans said - you've put on weight - like he could be so hurtful and insensitive. i said - "you've not got any taller either" - hes a squirt. made me feel better and it was said in the same fake laughy voice he used.

i also tell people when i think they are ill mannered or rude.

if someone makes a remark. just telling them they are rude will stop them and make them blush with embarrassment.

personally i think people commenting on your kids red hair isnt to get your knickers in a twist about. people comment about my hubbys red hair - but noone forgets him, people comment on my daughters hearing aids, people comment on the size difference between the twins, or ask if " it runs in the family" even though they are not identical being a boy and a girl - or all those old twin addages that everyone asks which just become at best average or at worst rude.

however, if people are passing comment in a friendly way or asking out of curiosity thats ok. the minute they are rude i tell them - they blush and feck off nevr to be seen. you dont have to be nasty but in a quiet tone just say " i think thats a rude thing to say"

prettycandles, are you me? (or more to the point, is your ds my ds1?!)
I have to say a lot of the comments I get about ds1's hair go something like: 'oh what fantastic hair....its the nice sort of ginger isn't it?' Make of that what you will.....!

I haven't read all this thread but just want to say that my niece has red hair and the most beautiful blue eyes you can imagine - she is going to be an absolute stunner when she's older! Her mother (my sis) is blonde and her father is dark brown so it does stand out quite considerably. I still think she is gorgeous . . . and I am sure your DS is too.

Haven't read all of this thread, but watched a programme last year about the 'ginger gene' apparently the majority of people living in the UK have it and eventually we will become a 'ginger nation' so your son is genetically advanced!

Unfortunately some people always have to comment on children's appearance - short, tall, hair colour, and particularly now, size and I don't think that will change.

Custardo, you are so right!

Now I have to 'come out of the ladie's loos', so to speak, and actually say 'that was a rude thing to say' if I do get offended.

Elliott, does your son have the red hair/brown eyes combination as well? If ds had paler eyes I'd expect he'll probably stay ginger, but with brown eyes...who knows?

Some comments will be in admiration but some folk are just gits. My dh's cousing has a mass of red curls (aged 10) my fil turned to my best friend at the dinner table and said "hrumph, she'll have bother when she's older" What the heck was that supposed to mean? My friend, bless her, retorted that she absolutely loved red hair and thought it was just fantastic. That put his gas at a peep. I'd go for the real sarky comment next time someone spouts off. Then give them the Paddington 'hard stare' which will show how offended you are and fling the ball back in their court as they try to back track and fluster with 'oh I didn't mean it like that' comments