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Original poster

Sick of people commenting on ds ginger hair

126 replies

woodpops · 25/05/2004 21:55

I am sick to death of total strangers coming up to me and commenting on my sons ginger hair. Especially if dh (who's also ginger) isn't with me. THey're always asking where the ginger comes from ................ like it's any of their business. I don't want my ds to grow up thinking he's different because of these stupid peoples comments. His hair is beautiful just like him and I wouldn't have him any other way. People don't comment on my dd blonde hair so what gives them the right to comment on my ds????

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Janh · 25/05/2004 23:04

I love red hair too. My brother has 3 redheads - his DW has reddish hair, but obv the gene must be in our family, but none of mine got it, gnash!

Janh · 25/05/2004 23:05

(I blame DH)

ChicPea · 25/05/2004 23:05

Ahh, that's sweet of you Tamum. The Stork marks have faded and her hair has grown. She was a dainty baby and has now grown into a slender 20mth old and her head has now caught up with her ears IYSWIM. I am soooooo in love with her!! (Getting worked up now and ready to give that dratted husband and wife a piece of my mind !! Will ring friend to find out when the next party is as I am ready...)

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Aero · 25/05/2004 23:06

Yup, been there with the bottled red! My R is mostly blonde - it's just that one little bit on top and we love it!

lou33 · 25/05/2004 23:08

Chicpea, i am outraged for you. We will form a queue behind you to take turns at the fools who said those things.

tamum · 25/05/2004 23:10

Take my arm lou, and we'll stand together, rotten eggs at the ready.....

She sounds gorgeous, ChicPea.

lou33 · 25/05/2004 23:10

There is a lot of red hair on my mum's side of the family though, and if I leave my hair to go to it's natural colour (mid brown) then in summer time, if I am lucky, I can catch glimpses of red in it. Most of the time it's just plain mouse though, which is why I dye it (and to keep the grey hidden).

lou33 · 25/05/2004 23:11

With pleasure Tamum, and some slimy rotting potatoes......

babster · 25/05/2004 23:19

Go ChicPea! My grandmother had lovely copper hair, as did my uncle, but it skipped my generation... it is strong in dh's family too but both dds are blonde (to my mum's disappointment). A friend at school had ginger hair and used to get sick of the 'Ooh redheads are so fiery, aren't they?' line - well they are if they get asked the same question ad nauseam, I guess!

ChicPea · 25/05/2004 23:55

Woodpops, have you read all the messages? You know, it's just occurred to me that DS of 7mths has reddish/blondish hair. I am so fussing over the eczema programme my dermotogist gave me that I forget about hair colour. So, maybe I am going to be asked the same question. Am going to memorise Tamum's quote which is priceless in case I need it. Actually, it reminds me of Lil on Cheers who was Fraiser's wife and she used to give the most in depth, serious answers that would just blow people away.

MrsDoolittle · 26/05/2004 01:00

My soon-to-be BIL said that if he had a child with red hair he would "stick it back up and try again!" Git!!!
I have red hair - the only one in family of six - well, it's titian actually!! So has my new dd. He said this when I was pregnant.
TBH I have grown up with people commenting on my hair but as many people like it as hate it. Atleast I'm remembered!
But I know how you feel - some days I just feel like giving out a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!

toddlerbob · 26/05/2004 01:47

I only ever comment on any hair if I think it's truly lovely, but I would never comment on it's gingerness (or anything else-ness). I'd just say "what lovely hair!". My son has a shock of blond hair and blue eyes and I am brunette so I get my fair share of comments myself, that's why I only (hopefully) use non offensive comments to start a conversation.

Original poster

woodpops · 26/05/2004 08:30

Oh my God. What a great response. THanks everyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Tamum, what a wicked quote. I'm going to try my hardest to memorise that one. Why are people so ignorant? When ds was born bil always used to comment he was lovely let's hope he doesn't grow ginger hair. He then followed this by saying kids with red hair look like co co the clown. I managed to bite my tongue for so long but snapped one day. Funny .......... bil has never mentioned ginger hair since!!!!!

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suedonim · 26/05/2004 12:50

I've BTDT re red hair and all the comments. Three of mine are/were red heads. Ds2 had very red ringlets as a child but now he is adult, his hair is dark brown. 16yo dd1 is a redhead and shows no sign of it changing. She loves having red hair. Dd2's hair is a less strong red and often just looks brown. She doesn't get the comments that ds2 and dd used to get. All of them have dark eyes and skin that tans, which is uncommon here in Scotland, not sure about elsewhere.

I had red hair as a child and if I'm honest, it was a trial, I didn't like it and I wished it was any other colour. My poor mum (she was also red) had endless comments about it, mainly that redheads had to wear green. She made a point of never buying me anything green. My hair darkened to brown once I was in my 20's, for which I was very thankful.

Although people do say how gorgeous red hair is etc, I feel there is an undercurrent of dislike of it, hence names such as ginger, carrots, duracell etc. I've even seen comments that Neil Kinnock could never have been PM because he had red hair which made him seem untrustworthy. Crazy.

motherinferior · 26/05/2004 13:03

I'm a fading redhead who dyes her way back into redness - and I've met a fair number of people who think it's absolutely OK to slag off 'gingers'. I hate it. OTOH, I've met a fair number of people (including my dp!) who think red hair is absolutely gorgeous.

I get driven mad by comments on my dd1's mad blonde curls!

ks · 26/05/2004 13:09

This reply has been deleted

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elliott · 26/05/2004 13:14

Yes, we get it all the time (ds1 - a complete surprise as dh is blond and I'm brown). So far comments have generally been favourable, but I can foresee a time when it may become a bit of an issue. I don't really mind, its just a bit obvious/predictable - and I do mind the idea that it might become the most important or notable thing about him. (I mean, there are lots of other nice things they could say about him )

Bouj · 26/05/2004 13:55

My somewhat insensitive FIL said of ds when he was a couple of weeks old "Oh it looks like he'll be a blood nut then?" I could have punched him - I got so much teasing as a kid for my hair, and would love for it not to be a problem for ds. I can see both sides - there is a lot of negativity, but quite often I have been stopped by strangers who tell me how beautiful my hair colour is. Like anything I guess, there is people who love it and people who don't!

Jimjams · 26/05/2004 14:09

Must be a BIL thing. SIl is pregnant with her first baby and her dh has already told me that "they don't want an A" (for A isert the name of ds1).

Was fairly knocked speechless but thought of some choice remarks afterwards.

Both ds1 and ds2 have been quite strawberry in their time, although both darkening as they get older I liked their strawberry hair.

I do think a lot of these comments are meant in the right way (not all the BIL ones in this thread obviously!) Old ladies were always commenting on the length of ds1's eyelashes. Now I just tell them long eyelashes go with allergies

tamum · 26/05/2004 14:26

Your BIL said what, jimjams????? God, I can't believe that some people can be so staggeringly bloody rude and hurtful. I don't know how you didn't punch him quite honestly. I should point out how much you're hoping that your new baby isn't another

CODalmighty · 26/05/2004 14:29

I really dont htink an (inoffensive) comment about hair colour is the end of the world

Really! some perspective needed here! My ds3 has a droopy uper eyelid and poeple mention that regularly becasue it is wuite obvious - I tell them and thats it - just relax guys!

tiktok · 26/05/2004 15:02

I am red haired, dh is red haired and so are all 3 children....the only comments we have ever had are positive, and if someone has remarked on the children's hair colour I have just assumed it's because it is so striking. Ds also had a large strawberry mark when he was younger (now faded away almost totally) and people used to ask about that. It never occured to me they were being hostile.

Honestly, woodpops, while there is no excuse for rudeness, just commenting is not the same as being critical or mocking. Asking where the ginger comes from is just friendly, surely? It's because it's unusual.

My experience of redheads (not me!) is that they really do think the world is against them - see this site - and if we as proud parents of redheads get all defensive about it, then we'll make it worse.

ks · 26/05/2004 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jimjams · 26/05/2004 15:26

Yes rather delightful comment wasn't it Tamum? I wouldn't have minded if he'd said "we don't want a disabled child, or we don't want an autistic child" (might have felt like pointing out that generally people don't, but you don't get a choice- but still would have known what he meant). But to say "we don't want an A". DS1 may have lots of problems, but he' still lovely!

Dh went ape when I told him!

suedonim · 26/05/2004 16:02

I think remarks such as Woodpops mentions can be a cause for concern in childhood, with issues of confidence and stereotyping. No one would dream of asking, for example, a mixed-race child where they "Got that yellow skin" so why is it acceptable for redheads?

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