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Swearing mum on playdate

44 replies

Pekalnose · 23/03/2016 21:35

My 8 yr old came home from friends tonight & Said friends mum used the f word & called other drivers dicks whilst in the car. I am devastated, we do not swear in front of him & he's not used to hearing this. How do I tackle this without confrontation?

OP posts:
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NewLife4Me · 23/03/2016 23:14

I was realistic with my lot.
I said I knew they swore in the playground and with their friends as all kids do.
If they got caught it was their own fuckin fault Grin

Never to swear in front of grown ups, especially not granny.
Not to join in at the rugby when the grown up men were shouting sweary words.

Stylingwax · 23/03/2016 23:17

Devastated
Biscuit

ScarletForYa · 23/03/2016 23:20

Confused Nothing good will come from being this over protective OP.

Besides, he's eight. This can't be the first time he's heard swearing?!

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SecretRed · 23/03/2016 23:21

Devastated is a bit ott I think.
Kids will always hear swear word and your ds has probably been exposed to it more than you think if he has teenage siblings.
I used to use public transport quite a lot and my dcs heard all kinds of words on there. As long as they know not to repeat and why then nothing much anyone can do.
I don't believe their innocence was taken in any way.

FanFuckingTastic · 23/03/2016 23:22

Right now our rule is that these are adult words not to be used before they are eighteen, and they know there are serious consequences if I catch them at it. They also know that being unkind or bullying with name-calling has serious consequences, so using the former to do the latter is very serious and they'd understand that.

I've just always felt that instead of trying to pretend bad things don't exist out there in the world, which simply makes the discovery of said bad things that bit worse. It's better if you allow them to know about these things, discuss them together and teach them about them.

We have lots of open dialogue about things like swearing, religion, extremism and terrorism, bullying, alcohol and drugs, sex education (matters like reproduction, gender, different sexualities), health, crime etc where rather than trying to completely omit things, I prefer to find an age appropriate manner to discuss them, that way we can set boundaries together and they are aware of what is expected and where the line is drawn.

My son is ten and my daughter almost eight and we've always tried to talk about all these things, when they are interested in them or experience them, or sometimes just because it's on my mind and we all find it interesting. I always feel like if something is forbidden simply because, they tend to seek it out much more than if it's just part of the furniture and we've already examined it thoroughly.

Sootica · 23/03/2016 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueTrinder · 23/03/2016 23:26

aim for mild exposure and boundary setting

That's the best excuse I've ever heard, I'm absolutely completely using it from now on. The DC hear me swear the whole time (complete potty mouth, my workmates say I've taught them words they didn't know, naturally I blame you vipers) and the rules are 'I don't care if you swear but school won't like it and NEVER do it in front of grandparents' DD1 does a good line in 'Oh for goodness sake' and we've not had a problem with them swearing (i.e. I've only heard them use bad words once, when we point out that school won't like it we don't hear it again). If it's not forbidden it's not enticing.

whatnoww · 23/03/2016 23:30

This thread has made me feel a lot better. I got told off by a friend of DDs tonight for saying bugger. Imagined him going home and telling his mum, was half expecting 's chat' when I next saw her. Now I know I am well within my rights to say ODFOD Grin

Ooof35 · 24/03/2016 08:53

Laugh it off, OP. Your 8yo told you about it, so he "did the right thing" presumably, in your book? Be pleased he spoke to you about it as opposed to carelessly repeating said swear words just to cause aggro.

He sounds clued up on where the boundaries are for him around swearing, so maybe reinforce what your ground rules are about it, then move on....

dilys4trevor · 24/03/2016 10:08

To be fair, OP has said she doesn't want confrontation so seems to have no intention of mentioning it to the other mum.

As other posters have said though: explain that some people swear and move on. Resist the temptation to be seen to be judging or doing the other mum down when you explain though. For all you know, she may be a better parent than you in other ways! Just because you swear in stressful situations it doesn't make you Waynetta Slob.

Can you tell I swear a lot?

MrsMum2011 · 24/03/2016 15:53

Maybe taking a slightly different stance on the responses (and only have young DC) ibeould be equally as upset to have heard this happen. Purely because we don't swear in front of DC and I wasn't bought up in a home that actively swore (though occasionally I did hear this at that point my parents would say something tongue in cheek to remind them their precious DC was in the room Wink )

However other families aren't our family and work in different ways and I know there are things that we do that probably grind other parents (nust see previous threads on my DF for an example)

In this situation though frustrated, its life, people swear, you have teenage children, I guess just enforce the law that he doesn't use that language, that people get frustrated when they drive and that doesn't mean its right but nor does that mean its appropriate for your DC to use...

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/03/2016 16:03

Can I suggest sending him on future playdates with cotton wool in his ears?
Or maybe just wrap him up in the stuff.. Smile

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 24/03/2016 16:09

I really doubt your 8yo is innocent as he will have heard it all in the playground.

Swearing infront of kids isn't ideal but who knows, maybe some idiot pulled out infront of her and she narrowly missed an accident?? I'd probably have called someone a dick in the circumstances.

janethegirl2 · 24/03/2016 16:21

Most DC hear such words before school unless they are cocooned in cotton wool; from older children, peers, at nursery/play school or older siblings. Or possibly parents, theirs and/or others. As long as they know when to use the words it's not an issue.

MTPurse · 24/03/2016 16:26

Devastated?

If you innocent 8yo had never heard the word before, how did he know it was a bad word?

I'll be honest, we all swear as a family, not in unison though, that would be weird. we do swear to express ourselves including my ds who is 10 but it is always in context.

They are only words, Swearing never killed anyone.

lavenderdoilly · 24/03/2016 16:32

Be pleased he told you. I can see where devastated comes from in the moment but it is red rag to a bull for some mnetters. I did a thread about aggressive sexuality in pop and got all kinds of posts slagging me off. You keep a hold on cursing in front of him (or never curse) and this mum doesn't. You'll just have to get past it. Make it a big issue and you'll create more hassle than it's worth. For what it's worth my dd will hear the odd swearword from us if the situation provokes it. Never driving - save that for when she's not in the car.

rewardformissingmojo · 24/03/2016 16:33

I wonder if you might get a different response on netmums!

uhoh2016 · 24/03/2016 18:15

Listen to Ooof35 she speaks sense. Devastated is a tad OTT chill out a bit.
Unless she called your ds a dick and told him to fuck off then I really wouldn't take it any further. Perhaps decline any future play dates if you really do feel that strongly about it

corythatwas · 28/03/2016 13:34

It is not the responsibility of other parents to observe the same rules as you do.

It is your responsibility to establish what the rules are for him.

It is his responsibility to obey the rules you set him.

It is neither his nor your responsibility to worry about what other people do.

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